will I stretch?

[music]

I wonder if anyone out there can set my mind at rest. Basically I had a very traumatic borth with my baby lying back to back, ventouse, hands and rotational forceps were used. Oviousely I had an episiotomy, which they seem to have stitched quite tightly. Any way this was all 6 nonths ago, and we havn't even tried sex yet, as I feel far too tight with only my finger inside. I am finding it hard to believe I can possibly stretch to the right size, it was a diagonal cut and there seems to be a tiny bit of spare skin left at the very bottom, with one side of me stretched quite tightly towards the other. Sorry to be so graphic, I hope this doesn't scare anyone, but it's driving me insane with worry.

Opening this thread again with an update.(8mnths) Basically me and db actually tried sex last night and it wasn't too bad!!! Well, it was quite good really, that is everything leading up to it was really enjoyable. Unfortunately, the sex itself was painful. Basically had to be really slow, couldn't really put him in that far unless he lost his erection a bit and certainly couldn't move about. However, I do think it was partly due to the fact that I got scared just before.

So, It was really nice to actually feel sexual again, but can't help but worry just a little bit about how painful it was. I do keep reminding myself of what the docor said, but what if it keeps being this painful? (Just for the record we used buckets of lubrication)

Could the doctor have been wrong? I keep thinking about some of you said; about sex never being the same again. Do you think it could be psychological? Like maybe you didn't want it enough, or your partner didn't understand you properly? Don't mean to offend, am just still desperately trying to write off any possibility of a physical problem..... Anyway, sorry to be so graphic. Any thoughts?

music, are you still bfing? 1st time around I had a c-section and found sex terribly painful afterwards, I felt like I was just too small...dh's theory was that he was too big... It wasn't until I cut way back on the bfing (down to once a day) at 11 mo. that sex stopped hurting. And it really was a pretty dramatic change. Ironically, this time around I had a vaginal birth with tearing and am not really finding sex painful and it's only been 7 weeks and i am bfing on demand. I did have a mirena coil fitted last week which may help some with the hormones. Anyway, this is all to say, be patient. It will be enjoyable again.

Hi music - I have just been reading your thread: all sounds very familiar.. My daughter is 7 months (ventouse/forceps/hands delivery - not much fun), and we had the same problem. It took me ages not to flinch whenever I felt as much as a whisper between my legs.. (Luckily, husband is the best; supportive and patient and 'just normal about it', if you know what I mean.)
What I found that really helped was that when I did feel sexy (not very often..), we just stroked and kissed etc., but we agreed beforehand that there wasn't going to be any penetration (sorry, horribly graphic word..). It meant that I could relax completely without being apprehensive, and really enjoy it. That was just so important, being able to enjoy it - penetration etc. came much much later, but by then I wan't nervous about it anymore, because it had been such a gradual thing over the months (stroking kissing, a careful finger, etc.). Even so, it took a long time, and even longer before the carefree sex was back (that has only just happened)..

Hope that things keep getting better (and I'm sure they will..!) - just follow your own pace..

Music, trust your GP. I suspect it is "all in your mind" and I don't mean anything derogatory by that, honest!! Basically, if you expect it to hurt, it probably will as you tense up when what you really need to do is relax. It will get better but it will take time You've taken that first step forward - could you imagine having got even that far a couple of months ago?

You could try "perineal massage" which was recommended to me prior to DS2s birth to help everything stretch rather than tear again. I see no reason it wouldn't help in this situation too though? Have a look here

Good luck - hang in there, it will get better!