adolescent e.d. unit

[vacua]

We have an assessment on Monday for my 15yo daughter who has been on a general children's ward for a couple of weeks, at first we were told it could take a long time for a bed to be available in the unit but yesterday we were advised to bring a bag with changes of clothes, overnight things.

Do you think it's safe to assume that she will be admitted on the day? I asked and all they would commit themselves to was 'there is a strong possibility'. I don't think my daughter can cope with the mixed messages about her immediate future, after all it's a serious decision. Or maybe it's me that can't cope, I'm just so desperate for her to get the specialist help she needs - she's losing weight in the hospital she is currently in.

So sorry that you're going through this.. I know how you feel as I have a daughter going through something similar. My girl was admitted every time, as far as I'm aware the only places that wouldn't admit her as an in-patient are the ones who also take people as day patients.

IME when she arrives at the unit, she'll be shown around, some places will go thru her stuff with her just to make sure she's not got anything she shouldn't have or that could be dangerous, some places won't allow aerosols so it might be worth getting her a roll on deodorant

I know it feels really scary and stressful but she'll be in the right and very good hands very soon. I'll keep you in my thoughts and positive wishes.

Do you mind me asking which part of the country you're in, as if you're in London I might know the place she's going to and be able to give you a bit more info

I'm in Suffolk and the unit is in Cambridge, there are very few places in the country aren't they?

and thanks so much for your reply and good wishes

There aren't very many and it's very sad that they are needed at all.

My daughter has been to several in London, one in Berkshire and one in Sussex, although she has self harm/suicide issues in addition to the e.d so they haven't always been specifically e.d units but ones that deal with all kinds of emotional crises. The care she's received in all of them tho has been excellent, the staff really seem to care about what they're doing and your girl will be in very good hands.

Best of luck and if you want to talk further or just need an ear to bash you can email me on
[email protected] which is also my msn

I can't really be helpful on this specific thing but am here too to listen - was a day patient at Maudsley centre in my 20s so know a little about it xx

Ahhh we have had similar issues over the past two years, in and out of contact with CAMHS and godawful family therapy that was usually just ME talking to someone while 6 practitioners of varying disciplines watched through a 2 way mirror.

It's been so difficult to get help, and then suddenly everything falls into place. Thanks for the contact info, will email. x

hello FlightAttendant and thanks

ohh yes...... been there, still doing it

I guess we'll have more of it while she is in the unit, if she goes in, I'm trying not to get my hopes up because we've had a few false offers before. I often think I'd rather be buried alive than go through family therapy again but maybe this time it will be useful?

It might be more effective this time because she'll have been having other types of therapy the rest of the time in between family sessions and so might be more receptive.

My girlie openly states that she isn't ready to get better so she's generally pretty unco-operative and fidgets and walks out of meetings but despite her efforts not to, she has recovered a bit and her condition is no longer life threatening, which pisses her off no end but she can't seem to get herself back to the point where it could be, if you see what I mean, so her doctors and I see that as a huge step in the right direction.

I really must give up on the idea of her coming home totally fixed after a few days weeks or months mustn't I?

My daughter has never co-operated with any of her treatment, and has been allowed to refuse all therapies despite being unwell. Although she appears to comply in hospital at the moment she is still losing weight but vehemently denies purging or exercising. She's been on the bedrest/wheelchair regime for most of her stay there but somehow she is finding a way to cheat. It's incredibly upsetting to not be able to believe a word she says.

It will take a long time, we've been on the therapy/hospital treadmill for 2 years now and there were issues for about 2 years before that. I'm amazed at how resourceful they are at being able to continue with their harmful behaviours despite being almost constantly watched etc, I just wish they could channel that intelligence and energy into something more positive, they're geniuses (genii?)

My daughter was discharged from an acute unit in July and spent 3 months at home, but she couldn't manage going to college or any kind of regular daytime activity and so she's now gone to a residential unit which is part education and part therapy, coming home at weekends. She's been there two weeks and there have been hiccups but the staff there are very confident that she will settle given time, and make good progress. My gp thinks that by the time she is 20 she'll have 'grown out' of it and be able to pick up a real life. She's almost 17 now.

I don't know if you have other children but if you do, try not to let your daughter take up all your time and attention even tho her needs are very demanding. That's a mistake I made and my 15 year old son recently took an overdose because he was so stressed by the whole situation. He's in the Priory now having some R&R and I feel terribly guilty because I should have realised. Your daughter's carers will expect you to behave as though she is your only child and you will have to firmly but gently remind them that you have other children who also need you.

It is a very long, hard, bumpy road we're on but hopefully we'll get to the end of it with healthy, well-adjusted young adults

@ your son's distress over it all, I hope he's on the mend. At least in the Priory you get a little sprig of parsley on your mashed potato, don't get that on the NHS!

yes I've got 2 other children, one older (17) and one younger (8) and to make it just that little bit more stressful I'm on my own with them and working. I've really only encountered the assumption that she's my only child from nursing staff on the ward, some of them are positively frosty with me because I only spent a few nights with her when her condition was very serious. What am I supposed to do, make everything else evaporate? I'm not always 100% well myself and have spent several weeks in hospital in the past which was horribly disruptive for the children as no family nearby.

I've found the CAMHS workers and outreach people from the unit very sensitive to our family set-up as a whole though, and the reality of everything involved in navigating a way through this as a single working parent. I'm self employed so if I don't work I don't get paid, how will it help my daughter if I bankrupt us just to spend more time with her? I don't think people realise how the drip drip drip of little expenses while you have a child in hospital can really disturb an already precarious financial balance.

God it's nice to talk to someone who gets it!

Oh Vac, you poor poor thing. I watched my parents go through this, I've seen other people's families fall almost to bits over similar things.
If it helps at all, I only got better when people stepped back and left me to it. It was very brave of them and almost impossible to take that risk especially with a younger patient, but it worked for me.
I finally realised I'd got a choice and nobody was going to make me better, I had to get sensible or die. I couldn't bring myself to get eating when everyone was watching, telling me to. Had to save face somehow. So they let me alone and I ate.

It might be very different with your daughter but the key for me was accepting responsibility for myself and being allowed to do so. Don't know if that makes any sense just maybe something to bear in mind when this crisis has passed.

Someone in my family had a similar referal as a teenager.

Email me at popsycal 2005
yahoo
co
uk

if you want to chat

the priory is lovely... wouldn't mind a stint in there myself.

That's exactly it Vacua, some of them don't realise that the other commitments you have are just as important as your daughter is. I ended up having to resign from my job as my employer got so sick of me rejigging my hours and needing time off sometimes without warning and the CAMHS were almost gleeful about it. I'm tryign to do a degree instead now, I figured it would be relatively easy timewise but it's proving to be almost impossible too.

It's also very draining on the wallet having a child in hospital and people don't seem to realise that at all. At the moment I'm spending close to £80 a week on travelling back and forth to see my son, plus normal expenses, pocket money, money for excursions and buying toiletries and bits and bobs for both of them, although he was given a very nice box of shampoos and stuff from the White Company when he was admitted which he won't give me, lol. My mum and dp have both been a big help in the finance dept otherwise I'd be completely sunk.

Unfortunately flightattendant, because they're so young we can't leave them to it.. in theory I could when my daughter is 18 but I'm not sure I'd be able to even tho to some extent I suppose by being there all the time for her is enabling her in a way.

Sorry didn't mean to hijack but it's such a relief to find that I'm not the only one in this kind of situation and to find someone else who understands it.

No hijack at all, it helps me alot to read about your experiences.

Yes the thing about leaving them to it might apply at some point, but when my daughter was admitted - after I'd dragged her to the GP, A&E and been turned away - they discovered she was severely hypokalemic (low potassium) and she had to have bed rest, use a wheelchair etc. When someone is that ill and on the brink of gn tube against their will, there's no question of leaving them to it. I'd be burying her rather than worrying about getting over the next hurdle. Hopefully she will be in a less life threatening state, she's getting there, and able to take responsibility for her own health eventually but at the moment it's not unlike, I dunno, can't think straight but I'm responsible for her and she is too ill to make the big decisions but I'd love her to have a say in her recovery and treatment.

Sorry Vacua, I thought at the time that my post might just be unhelpful...I didn't know what the situation was, how serious it is. Sorry

I was a lot older than your lass and also not in immediate danger. I think I got down to around 6 stone but there are many people who get far worse.

I really hope you can find a way through this - my comment below was a bit simplistic, not looking at the whole picture. I think there are stages at which different tactics have to be employed and that is only one of them, I was just struggling to think what I could say that was useful...I wish her well, I really do xx

Sorry FBJ as well

no no please don't apologise, you made me think about important it is that she plays her part in her own recovery and it's always so encouragine to hear of people who have got through it - plus you offered me a listening ear and that's great! I didn't go in to great detail in my opening post so how were you to know? I still think your points are valid and am grateful for them.

and thanks to popsycal too x

encouraging, not 'encouragine', gah!

nooo, don't apologise flightattendant, you're absolutely right about leaving them to it, a few people who've been through similar told me the same thing, but we can't because they're so young.. at one point I threatened to and social services said they would prosecute me for abandonment! I think it's like any addiction, you can only stop when you're ready to, no matter how much hurt and pain you're causing to others and regardless of what anyone says to you.

Vacua it seems our experience was very similar to yours, until her condition was life threatening, no one wanted to help at all.

It is very important that she is ready to recover, my daughter came home this evening for the weekend and told me that she's not ready to get better and the only reason she's sort of playing along with the place where she is now is because they let her come home. If she doesn't she'd be in a different unit much further from home and without home leave.

Just found your email btw.. thank you

ohh.. did you find out yet if/when she's going to the unit?

no, we had a meeting today but it was a bit inconclusive - her actual assessment is on Monday but the ward she is on at the moment say she can stay indefinitely.

Just had to pick her up from hospital as beds needed following the accident in Long Melford, a fairground ride collapsed at a bonfire display