My sister has serious mental health problems - she is delusional. Advise please

[amscaredforher]

Am a regular but have changed my name in case my sister ever finds out my usual name.

Well here goes: My older sister is 33, she is single (has never had a relationship and for the past 15 years or so has had episodes of severe anxiety/ irrational thoughts. Over the past 5 years these have become much worse and she has been hospitalised several times, once having taken an overdose and almost causing severe liver and kidney damage.

She has few friends, few social skills, a serious speech impediment, and is hugely overweight due to her anti-psychotic medication she also has terrible skin which flares up, and she picks at it causing scabs and infections. Her scalp is constantly flaking huge chunks. As you can probably picture, she looks terrible. It's so sad.

As yet the only diagnosis she has been given is 'anxiety disorder'. I suspect she is autistic (one of my boys is, as well as several members of my extended family). She was recently assessed for this at the Maudsley but she came out with a score of 8 when to be diagnosed she would need a score of 10.

She has been on a college course to develop skills for people with mental health problems. Recently she was asked for help by a college friend to shut down a computer. She did this perfectly fine, but then started worrying about it and eventually concluded that she had managed to corrupt the entire computer system and everyone in the college was going to lose their work and fail the exams. She also thought that she was going to go to prison for this and be expelled. SHE DID NOTHING TO THE COMPUTERS, it was all in her head

Then the other day she ordered some merchandise from the Robbie Williams website. She is a huge fan. She has now convinced herslef that she filled out the order form wrong has has completely messed up his website. But of course she didn't, and the stuff all arrived perfectly fine. But she thinks she is in trouble with the Robbie Williams website and the stuff wasn't properly ordered so she sent it all back today recorded delivery. She now wants me to reorder the same stuff (because I have a different surname).

It so so sad and she really believes that these things are true. Does anyone know what I can do to help her? Is she having delusions of grandeur - thinking that her small actions are having such a big effect?

I don't know whether to go along with it or to refuse to order the stuff. I have told her that there is no way she could have messed up the website but she just says 'I know what I did'.

Help.

I don't know haow much help this is, but my sister has a very similar problem and has been in and out of psychiatric hospitals since she was 21, having pretended to be well for so long and running the wool over our eyes. She has schizoaffective disorder, meaning that she suffers dellusions and fits of rage as well as eating disorders ect. She self harmed to devastating extent as well as a lot of overdoses. Very very complicated. She has had and still has lot of medications, and electroconvulsive therapy to improve her moods.
I know it is so so hard for you to watch a loved one go through this and feel so helpless and distant.

Grandeur tends to imply that the person feels invincible and untouchable (eg believes that they can fly or save the world with their actions) but what you sister experiences seems to be a classic dellusion.
I can't go in to the thought my sister had but they tore the family apart due to the allegations, and so I fully understand the impact one ill person has on the family.

WHta I could advise is that you regularly tell yourself that it is none of your or your family's fault, that she has a severe illness, and that most of all it is not her fault, as I know it's easy to feel upset with the person.

She needs to have a decent schedule of therapy and medications, and what she is doing at college is great and will help to normalise her lie. A good sleeping and eating pattern can work wonders for a person, as can trips to a cinema for example, so that they have things to look forward to.
Myu sister does not work or drive of course, but does do voluntary work in a cats home which she loves. She also moved in with a family of a man she sees. Sshe took her dog back from us too, which was lovely to see. So even though she won't ever be normal, she can still have a nice little set up with the right help, and live a somewhat normal life, a vast improvement of how she was living before she admitted she had an illness.

We are here for you and you should should keep talking definately. I am sure that your sister loves you to bits and is grateful for ny help you give her, so stick at it. xxx

amscaredforher, and shrooms, my mother has schizoaffective disorder too, and it has led to a huge breakdown of the relationships se has with almost all her extended and immediate family, so I really feal for you.

I would second what Awen and Zippi & others have said, IME it is not a good idea to 'play along' with their delusions, but, as vacua and summer said,you can suport them. I have spent most of my life managing this one, and have tried dealing with my mum every which way,so this knowledge is won from long and bitter experience.

Unfortunatly my mum is in severe denial about her condition, and as the years pass she gets worse and worse with no meds.

Just jumping on the sibling schizoaffective bandwagon here but I have a sister with it too, it started as puerperal psychosis from which she never really recovered. She lacks insight and life is difficult for her. We've also got an extensive family history of bipolar disorder and anorexia and alcoholism, so like others I can empathise with your situation.

It's good to know you're not alone isn't it?

Shrooms & Womblingalong I Think have offered some really good advice here too.

Haychee - I was answering you not the OP.

Amscaredforher - as i said beforfe it sounds like you a being a wonderful support for her. Is hard when someone close is unwell mentally as it is not something that is really 'seen' and the treatments available arent often straightforward.
I saw someone posted links for support agencies, dont know if MIND was mentioned. There are support organisations for family/carers too who can act as an advocate for you in the care of your sister.

It sounds like there are alot of posters with personal experiences here too to support you. Mental health problems is so common but unfortunately still stigmatised. xx

amscaredforher - just wanted to say that the problem of not taking the prescribed medicine is a common one (in case you were worried that it was quite unusual!).

I agree with everything Awen has said and that it does sound like severe anxiety rather than delusions - if you look at the examples you've given us, what she's done is completely doubted herself, been very negative and felt like she has caused a huge problem (and let it spiral, in her head).

I have no experience as a professional but just have a family who suffer from a wide range of mental health disorders! You may find it useful to speak to a mental health professional yourself or someone at one of the mental healt charities - just so that you understand how the system works and what sort of help your sister might be able to get. Mental health problems are still not talked about enough and you musn't be hard on yourself because it is so lovely that she has a supportive family.

I hope she gets a chance to access some talking therapy. Perhaps it would be worth trying to persue that?

I used to work with a fabulous Psychiatric Nurse (used to work in a mental health unit for a while) whose stock phrase was 'I because I care about you and your well being, I am not willing to participate in your delusional fantasies'. It DID seem to work.

I sympathis with struggling to get access to support- my Dh ahs had depression on and off for years and struggled for a long time, even when he was at his most ill several years abck and really warranted admittance.

Thank you Schrooms, womblingalong, foxinsocks, awen, peachy, haychee and vacua and all others. Its really is nice knowing I am not alone.

I ended up ordering the stuff and made it clear to her that I understand why she is upset but not to worry about the website because there is no way she could have damaged it in any way.

She was grateful that I ordered the stuff but didn't believe she hadn't ruined RW's website. She then called me 10 minutes later saying that she had forgotten to order a mug and could I do that too [sigh]

It just seems so wrong that my sister who I grew up with can now be so ill and literally appear (and I hate myself for saying this) ... mad

Another incident a few weeks ago: this one is terrible whether it is true or not. She said a man from the electricity board came round to get her to change suppliers and she invited him in (WTF!) and he started groping her and tried to kiss her. If it is true that {angry] should report to police. But if it is not then , another delusion. God knows. I asked her if she wanted to report it but she said no. I didn't feel I should push it incase it all spiralled and she ended up panicking about it.

ARRGGHHH.

It must be ahrd for you- a close friend ahs a similar sister, she has had to keep her at arms length for a while (as friend is dealing with their dad who has the alter stages of Alzheimers, and who sister was putting at risk albeit unintentionally- their Mum died at 39 from pre-senile dementia and breast cancer). it breaks her heart but SOME distance can be a good thing if its is to protect yourself, there ahs to be a balance in this relationship as in all.

Amscaredforher - I am sorry to hear about your sister. You have had some good advice here. I also work in Mental Health although on the research side. It sounds to me like the medicine either isn't working or your sister isn't taking it. Olanzapine is notorious for weight gain and 10mg is quite low. There are antipsychotics that are less associated with weight gain and may be worth talking to CPN about this.

It is common not to give a diagnosis to avoid labelling and stigma. The drugs are to treat symptoms not the label.

People with mental health problems do get better but it can take a long time. Your sister is lucky to have someone who cares for her so much so stay strong.

Thank you x