Everything is getting on top of me!

[scamp4234]

So I think I’ve kinda hit rock bottom tonight :-(

Obviously everyone is having a hard time at the moment, and I feel really self centred even writing this.

I’m a single mum with an 8 year old son. He’s awaiting an ADos assessment and has really challenging behaviour issues. He also has a pacemaker for complete heart block, so due to uncertainty over his vulnerability to complications should he contract Covid, he has been homeschooled for a whole year now, and I was forced by his school to completely deregister him in September so as to keep him off any longer.

We live with my parents.
My mum has multiple myeloma, and has had for 35 years. In November she received the news her numbers had gone up again, so she would need chemo again.
The treatment hit her hard. Harder than ever before. She has now had to stop treatment (although what she did receive did a lot of good apparently) but she has gone downhill since then. Apparently the way she is feeling is not due to chemo as this would be out of her system by now. She can’t walk unaided, is in severe pain with her legs and hands, has nausea, insomnia, and is barely eating.

My dad is getting angry. Angry with everyone.
He constantly argues with my son and it’s really getting me down.

I’ve had my own health issues the last 18 months. Tachycardia, tremors, palpitations, shortness of breath, headaches, severe mid back and rib pain, inability to regulate my body temperature and numbness and weakness in my hands.

Unfortunately, what with everything going on with my mum, no one really gives my health a second thought (understandably)
But I’m really struggling.

My heart rate is regularly 145 even on beta blockers. My ribs cause me so much pain that sometimes I struggle breathing.

To make matters even worse, I turn 40 next week, and I have had to order my own cards for my family to write for me.
They told me they haven’t got me birthday presents as they didn’t know what I’d like and aren't very good with using eBay.
I’ve even had to buy stuff to bake my own cake, as no one had spared a thought.

I know I’m being selfish and self centred.

Just wanted to get things off my chest.

You don't sound selfish at all, you have a huge amount to deal with it would take its toll on anyone.

Have you spoken to your GP about your symptoms? It's so hard, I know firsthand, that it's easy to ignore yourself when you are caring for others but you must look after yourself.

I think I would ask for a face to face talk with DF.
Really you have so much on your plate, I see it is hard for him too but if you could be a united pair, supporting each other it would be much better. Together you could maybe find ways to give each other a break from the responsibilities.

Thank you.
I feel a little stronger today thankfully.

Unfortunately I’ve tried having a good chat with my dad but he gets very defensive and has stated that most ppl of his age do a lot less.

I have been to my gp numerous times, had a few blood tests, but because they came back ok, I was disregarded lol.

Plus obviously with the threat of Covid, I’m a little cautious to go anywhere as my mum is so vulnerable