Advice about diazepam and anxiety - DH in hospital with high-grade lymphoma

[purplerain44]

Hi, I hope I'm in the right board. I’m after some words of advice. My husband finished his 6 rounds of chemo for low-grade Non-Hodgkins lymphoma in November, with the consultant suspecting almost complete remission, although we knew it would come back in 5-10 years, as is usual with this kind of lymphoma. However, to our shock, we have just today found out it has transformed immediately after treatment and become high-grade aggressive lymphoma. It is in his bone marrow. He starts aggressive chemo on Monday and then they will consider a bone marrow transplant.

I would love any positive stories from anyone who has experienced anything similar to this. I know that with lymphoma there are highs and lows, and this can happen, treatment can be successful and then we wait for until another possible relapse. Treatments are good. But this has come much quicker than we expected. I suffer with anxiety anyway, but I can usually control this with meditation and breathing etc. This has become impossible for me now - I have two kids - 12 and 8 - my youngest on the pathway for ASD assessment (high-functioning, but very resistant and exhausting) and I am self-employed. I need to continue working during this time for financial reasons. My GP has prescribed me with 5mg of diazepam. I don’t know what I would have done without them for the last couple of days. I had to take 10mg today as my state of mind was intolerable.

I will speak to my GP about the dose, the addictive nature of this, but I wondered what experiences others have had of this medication. Should I not take it everyday? Do i need to stick to the 5mg - which really didn’t touch the sides today. I don’t want to give myself more problems coming off them. Or should I be looking at anti-depressants? I’m not depressed, I have been before, and I don’t think I am. I have access to an amazing therapist for me and I am getting a good service from CAHMS so the talking therapy is available to me. It’s the day-to-day functioning, catastrophising, always thinking the worst about my husband and what will happen to him and my kids, the physical symptoms (heart racing etc) and just completely unbearable anxiety and fear that I can’t bear. I would be so grateful for any advice. Thank you.

OP, I’m sorry you are having to cope with such stress, and even more so during this pandemic, when you are isolated from normal sources of comfort, ie friends and relatives.
Diazepam, like all benzodiazepines, can be effective for the short term relief of anxiety, but there is a risk of becoming dependent and also of needing increasing doses for the same effect.
Your racing heart rate could be controlled with a modest dose of beta blocker, with no dependence risk, and your tendency to spiral into catastrophising would be best treated by cognitive behavioural therapy.
Diazepam is best kept in reserve or used in very short courses.
It can be useful to sit down and address the “catastrophe” scenario logically- plan what you would do to cope with it, who would be available to assist you, what financial implications would need sorted, how you would organise your life, etc.
That can be helpful in converting blind panic into practical coping strategies. Let’s pray that you never need them, and your DH has a good outcome from his treatment, but it can relieve a lot of anxiety to know that you have a sensible plan in place.
I thought I could never manage without my beloved DH. When he died suddenly at 36, leaving me with two babies in nappies, I was in a state of shock and anxiety about how to cope - but in such circumstances we all just get on with it, OP, and muddle through somehow. Just as you would if you had to. Don’t waste any energy on anxiety or meeting trouble halfway - just put sensible plans in place, then forget about them and focus on supporting your DH through his treatment and enjoying time with him. May I end by sending you a hug, and my best wishes for his recovery and for easing of your anxiety.