About time I admitted I need help...

[AnonAgain]

Firstly, although relatively new to mn, this isn't my usual name. I felt the need for an extra layer of anonymity. But I have posted before, honest.

I don't really know how to put this into words, as I've never admitted it to anyone (don't know why!), but I think I have an eating problem.
I don't really know what to say here. I guess it worries me more now because firstly, I want to stay healthy and enjoy my time with my kids. And secondly, I don't want to pass on my bad habits.
I think I just eat for the wrong reasons. Sometimes it's for comfort, sometimes because I'm bored (how pathetic is that!?), and I think sometimes just out of habit. It's a habit I want to break, but I don't know how and willpower's not my strong point to say the least.
I guess I'm one of the many many people who associates food with more than just nutrition. My dad's way of showing affection is to feed people, and I don't think it helped when I was growing up that my parents never guided my eating at all. Not that I'm blaming them; it's my problem now and I could solve it if I was strong enough...
I just really want to be healthy and set a good example for my dd. I believe kids learn by example and so I really want to kick the habit. I feel like I'm just going round in circles now, but I don't really know how to explain it all.
Maybe I'll leave it at that for now and see if one of you lovely mners replies to me.

I just want to change.

Hi AnonAgain, its good that you want to change things and now you just need to work out a way to do it. A good start would be not to buy the things you dont want to be eating in the first place and replace them with something thats healtier.
I wouldnt go overboard though, keep some treat things in the house, but make sure they last you till you next do your shopping.

Having realised that is the first step actually. Do you want to lose weight at all, or is it establishing healthy eating habits that is more important? If the latter, then the first thing to do is make sure you only have healthy things in the house. Then if you do snack on them, it is all to the positive! We are actually designed to 'graze' rather than eat 3 meals. Other things to do to avoid eating for the wrong reasons - make every mouthful a 'concious' bite - you could make a rule that you must sit down to eat something, or ask yourself every time before you eat something whether you are actually hungry, and if the answer is no, then treat yourself to something else - 10 mins on Mumsnet for example . If you tend to snack on chocolate you could brush your teeth if you feel a chocolate craving - it's funny how chocolate really loses its appeal if you have clean teeth!

If you do want to lose weight, then all the above applies, but you may need to tailor your meals more to a plan. But healthy eating is definitely the way forward!

Sorry if this sounds horribly patronising - reading it through, it does sound very awkwardly put, but I hope it helps.

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Its a good idea to not go more than 2 hours in the day without eating something...if you do it tips your body into feeling deprived..but plan what you'll eat e.g, sandwich/snackbar/apple and a biscuit and try to gradually make healthy changes to your diet, rather than drastic changes. What I do is allow myself fruit/vegetables anytime i want and in any amounts, but otherwise (when I'm on track) all my meals and snacks are pre-planned. That's the practical bit.. do yout think you could also keep a diary of what you ate and what you were feeling when you ate it? So, for example if you noticed you often eat when you're feeling lonely, you could make a list of other things to do first (phone a mate/go on Mumsnet/talk to someone at home) then if you consistently try to give yourself some other coping mechanisms/ways of coping with feelings then you might be able to break the link with eating. Bodies quickly get out of the junk food habit too - if you start to eat better you quickly start to crave healthier things and experience less blood sugar swings IME. I really hope you get some help here because its great that you want to break this cycle and help your kids learn good eating habits, I think that's worth a lot. Take care x

Thank you all,

some things you've said allow me to explain a bit further:

About not buying the 'wrong' food: We actually shop and cook and eat very healthily (most of the time). My problem is that when I'm out and about I just seem to end up buying food I don't need. And it's crazy because I know I don't really want it, and don't even enjoy it tbh. I don't really know why I do it. I've had short periods where I've managed to break the habit, but can't seem to make it permanent.

Tortoiseshell: Losing weight would be a bonus, but it's mainly the healthy lifestyle I want. I've been overweight for as long as I can remember but it doesn't bother me as much as it used to. I think what I want most of all is just to feel fit and healthy. About eating for the right reasons - I hear what you're saying and it's so sensible, and I've thought of these strategies myself. But I find it takes so much mental energy to be battling myself all the time that I can't keep it up for long.

Yorkiegirl, thanks for your support. I'll bear in mind the CAT idea. tbh the idea of a slimming club fills me with dread (was it the same for you before you joined?).

JiminyCricket, thanks for the suggestions. You're right, I need other coping strategies. And I know what you mean about your body getting out of the junk habit. I have done it before, just not managed to maintain it. I think I was doing pretty well pre pg. Though not one for diets (because it implies the change is temporary) I tried a detox plan and felt amazing on it, and lost quite a bit. But then found out about dd (not remotely planned!!) and sort of lost control of it all. 1st trimester could only eat potatoes and apples, 2nd ate like a horse, 3rd fairly normal. dd's now 5 1/2 months and still fully bf. Since about 4 months I've just been soooo hungry! Again, it's just that I feel out of control. Would love to detox again, but don't feel like I can be that restrictive whilst bf.

Sorry if this has been a bit long, but I do really appreciate your input.

Thanks

xxx

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Hi, just want to add my support and to share that I have a long history of dysfunctional eatingI was bulimic for several years and still comfort-eat quite frequently: I'll binge on anything edible, even the healthy stuffI've been known to eat 6 apples one after the other because that's all I had. Slimming World has helped not so much because of losing some of my excess weight, but more because the eating plan helps me to feel more in control of my eating whilst not feeling like I'm on a rigid diet. I was dreading it before I went, but actually to be able to meet other people who have a problem with food and eating is incredibly healthy.
Have found books by Susie Orbach very helpful, by the way.
Also helpful to see a therapist and find out why I was feeling the urge to eat as I did...
Good luck and FWIW I think you are really brave to write so honestly about how you feel about food, if you can do that you are surely on the road to recovery!

Thanks Arabica,

have to say though, I don't feel particularly brave as I'm using the anonymity of this kind of forum to help me do this.

I have read the Susie Orbach book called 'on eating', which I thought was excellent. Have you any other recommendations?

thanks for your support.

I have the same problems as you. I found Dr Phils book the weightloss challenge realll good as it deals with why we overeat rather than just sticking you on a diet

Can I recommend Shelley Boveys book What Have you got to lose? It is fantastic and for someone who has problems with food and been a yoyo dieter for ever it has put things in perspective and I have gradually over 18 months lost 4 stone (have more to lose but don't feel at all daunted now.

I had big problems in my head as a feminist about wanting to lose weight. it was as if I was accepting the unacceptable in saying I want to lose weight; I don't want to do this anymore. I felt like I was judging others. Until you work out the reasons for overeating you will not deal with it in the long term but it can be done.

Good luck

Hi, I'm with you too. I am a compulsive over eater and have recently been through counselling to help me sort out my eating problems. I still have the tendency to pick and over eat and tht's something I'll have to watch but one of the things that has helped me is to write down everything I eat as I eat it. It has actually made me stop and think beofre putting it in my mouth which breaks the automatic action and quite often, I realise I don't want it. Give it a try.
Also, as you can see, there are many others on mumsnet who have issues with food who can give you the benefit of their experience so keep chatting so you are more aware of what you are putting in your mouth. HTH

Big shout out for Shelley Bovey, she's a great writer. I've found books on overcoming addictive behaviour of all kinds, very helpful. There is a reason I eat when not hungry, just as there is a reason why alcoholics drink more than they want to and why gamblers gamble when they haven't got enough spare cash to bet with. The difference with eating, obviously, is that you can't abstain from it in the same way that recovering alcoholics can abstain from drinking (although overeaters anonymous help each other by abstaining from trigger foods like sugar and white flour). Identifying the reasons underlying your eating is the only way you'll ever really tackle it, especially if, like me, eating instead of having feelings unacceptable to my family began in very early childhood. I found it really helpful just to take time to browse the books and websites on addiction and compulsive eating. For years I steered clear of anything that offered a strategy or cure because even the act of writing down what I was eating and when I was doing it, sent me headfirst into a binge--hence only now being able to stick with Slimming World many years after first being aware I had an eating problem. Hope this helps and isn't too rambly, but there really aren't any quick answers (although recovery will be quicker depending how long you've been a compulsive eater and the reasons you started)

Oh no! Am I a thread-killer?!

Don't panic arabica. I was just about to check in to see how Anonagain was doing today? Only just got my internet connection back or I'd have been earlier.

So, how goes it?

I haven't been online for the last couple of days as I felt I was logging on again too much but have just logged on at work and this seems like as sign that this is top of the active conversations. I have exactly the same problem and am very overweight, overeat completely as a response to stress, am v v stressed a the moment and consequently have been eating all day long. It is completely out of control and i feel like I need help desperately. so you're not on your own.

Hi Cadbury and C'belle (and Anonagain, how are you?) gotta dash but so pleased to see people still posting on this thread, it's horrible when you think you're the only one out there with dysfuncitonal eating but there are millions and millions of us around.

Another compulsive eater here. IMO it's all about breaking the cycle. Everything I did would be a reason to eat, from going for an hour long journey in the car, walking up the road (15 mins walk) to talking the children to the park, what was I going to eat/drink whilst there. I try when I find myself in a shop perhaps buying something for either DS because they are hungry and I have something in my hand for myself to ask if I really need it, if I decide I do then I look at what I am buying and ask if I could swap it for something healthier/less fattening. I am better than I have been but do need to watch myself, I find that any event, ie going on holiday when I thought about the journey I found myself getting overly concerned about what I would eat and when, not just we'll have something to eat at the cafe in the airport but more oh I really hope they've got a Costa coffee because I want to eat xyz and I would have been very disappointed if it had been another cafe altogether and I was all excited about having a drink and some peanuts on the plane. I also found in past (although this has been better since I have been watching my weight too) that I never wanted to be diddled out of a meal, if something went wrong when I was cooking and the meal wasn't great or there wasn't as much of it as I had anticipated I would have to get chips from the chippy to supplement it or chuck the lot and get a takeaway.

I suppose what I am saying in a very long winded way (as ever I always need half a page to say what others can say in a couple of lines ) is that I have found MN Mamas a huge help and just keeping a watch on my weight has forced me to look at what I am eating and change portion sizes and get my snacking under control.

Hi everyone,

have had a totally hectic week, but have managed to grab a few mumsnet minutes. Clairabelle, your post really struck a chord with me. I'm hoping to keep this thread going as sort of self help whilst I'm battling this, so if you want to join me I'd love the support!
Again thanks to you all for your helpful suggestions and just for being there really. I've been thinking about what you've said and I think you're right with the counselling. I've tried it once before (to do with stuff other than eating) but it really didn't work for me. I think because the counsellor was one who just wanted me to talk and so didn't have a huge amount of input. I just ended up babbling nervously for the whole hour in order to fill the silences!! So, does anyone have any ideas about finding some kind of therapy that actually suits me? tbh I really don't like the idea as I know it'll stir up a lot of thisgs that I'm quite happily ignoring at the moment.
But who said it'd be easy, eh?

Hi Demented, hi anonagain. There are over 450 different types of therapy in the UK, so a good place to get general information & make sure you'll be getting someone properly qualified and not a charlatan out to make a fast buck, is the bacp (Brit Assn of Counselling and Psychotherapy) website . or the UK psychotherapy website There are also psychological therapies out there such as cognitive behavioural therapy and NLP (neuro-linguistic programming)But in my experience the only thing that has worked (and I am someone who was bulimic for 15 years) has been long-term psychotherapy.

thanks arabica.

i've just realised it's not as simple as just wanting to change. It's occurred that also part of me doesn't want to change because I don't want to put restrictions on myself, iyswim.

That's the dilemma isn't it? You're doing the behaviour you want to change for a reason that makes emotional sense to you. Should you stop the behaviour (ie eating too much of the wrong stuff) you then lay yourself open to exposing the feelings that are making you binge. And they might be feelings you want to avoid. Hope that makes sense. I would find myself rooting through the fridge before I was even aware I had the inkling of a feeling I wanted to avoid (or any feelings at all).