Feeling hopeless and like death is the only way out - started with bad teeth

[sarmum14]

Hi all,

I can’t believe I’m even writing this but I started having bad dental pain about three months ago. It’s been hard to diagnosed because I have an autoimmune condition and both the dentists and the doctors were baffled. I ended up paying privately to have a sinus cyst removed and whilst recovering from the surgery my DS accidentally headbutted me and pushed another tooth out of place. I’m spiralling now about that being taken out as the root of the tooth has been fractured. It hurts. And the surgical wound hurts. I’ve just been in so much pain for so so long now.

I suppose it’s worth adding that I’m on maternity leave with my second child and I’ve been finding it really hard in the pandemic - mentally that it. Just lonely and a bit crap. Last year we had a MMC and a few years before that I lost both my father and my sister (separately). My resilience for bad news feels like it’s ebbing away with each bad thing that happens and I know it sounds ridiculous but all this stuff with my teeth has pushed me over the edge.

I would never do anything stupid, because of my kids, but I find myself thinking about death a lot. I feel like the only way out of this is to be dead. I spend all day teary because I start looking at my kids thinking I don’t want to leave them but the only way all the pain will be over will be when I’m dead. And then I feel horrific that I’m even thinking about this. And then I start to worry about practical things, like is our life insurance valid and will my DH be taken care of if anything happened to me. I’m sobbing a lot. I spoke to my GP and he was a bit rubbish. I self referred to talking therapies but don’t think a 30 min CBT session every fortnight is going to cut it. I don’t know what to do. The only time I’m okay is when I’m asleep as that’s when there is no pain and no one needs anything from me. I think that’s where the suicidal thoughts are coming from. I think I just want to always be asleep. Asleep for a long long time. I tried explaining to my DH and he doesn’t get it. I don’t know what else to do.

Ahh love I think you may have some PND. This has a helpline pandasfoundation.org.uk/
I suggest you show your DH what you wrote as say he needs to come with you to speak to the health visitor about how you are feeling. Espically as your GP seems a bit rubbish.

You poor love, I totally can totally relate to what you said about your resilience ebbing away, I often feel the same. Some people get dealt a bit of a shit hand

Good advice given from the PP, show this to your DH as it might be the first of many steps to getting yourself feeling better x

Sorry that you are going through such a tough time. It
Might be worth investigating whether your local hospital trust can offer some crisis care. 111 might be able to advise. We have a team that offers additional support to that which should be given by a gp, for example daily appointments for a fortnight

Gosh I really feel for you that sounds miserable. Your GP really is rubbish - can you ask to speak to someone else? Pain management is so important - I personally find my physical symptoms e.g. pain/nausea totally suck my resilience to nothing. There surely must be some better pain management - it is an area that is often not well dealt with but there are people who specialise in it.

And definitely some proper mental health support counselling, possibly combined with antidepressants to get you through this period. Your dh needs to accept that you feel as you do - you don't have to justify it and it may or may not be how he would feel - that's not relevant (my dh is a lot more resilient to physical distress than I am).