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I am struggling a bit with mum after her stroke

11 replies

yawningmonster · 20/10/2007 09:05

Mum had a stroke 7 weeks ago and I haven't really managed to get much information. It was a serious stroke but she initially made very good progress and I flew to be with her 2 weeks ago when she was sent home. Lets just say that experience was a little hellish and in a week I sold the house and car, packed everything up and moved her in with me. I am looking at putting her into a 4 stage complex near me but she is not ready in any sense for me to do this yet. The major issues are emotional, perceptial and continance. Mum has major problems with me leaving her even to go to the toilet and starts panicing that I have gone off and left her, she has tantrums and major horrible depressive episodes as well having a cathetar which she is really struggling with. Anyway we are in New Zealand and the support here seems pretty negligible so was hoping someone would have some experience to help me. I also have ds who has just turned 3, managing them both is really hard especially as mum insists on going everywhere with us but still struggles with mobility and has no confidence with her walker so I am trying to support her at the same time as managing ds. Anyway I know we are really lucky and that I should be grateful for having her at all but I am just struggling with it all a bit.

OP posts:
RubyShivers · 20/10/2007 09:09

sounds like a tough time for all of you
found this link for the stroke association of new zealand

GrapefruitMoon · 20/10/2007 09:09

Sorry, can't offer any advice but maybe take a look in the Carers topic section or post this again there to see if anyone can help?

yawningmonster · 20/10/2007 10:04

thanks have had a look at the stroke site but didn't even know there was a carers topic so will have a look in there as well. I feel so selfish but it is really quite horrible suddenly having a grown adult demanding you take them everywhere, screaming when you go to the toilet and coping with wet beds, night bags, cathetar care etc...

OP posts:
DumbledoresGirl · 20/10/2007 10:08

Yawningmonster, my mother had a major stroke last year. I did not become her carer as my father is still alive and took on that role, but I can share some experiences with you if you would like me to.

If you don't want to, let me just say that, despite my mother being very ill for some time and in hospital for several weeks, she is now, a year on, nearly back to normal. Hope that gives you hope.

My email is [email protected] if you want to chat.

yawningmonster · 20/10/2007 10:14

Thank you I have emailed you, I really appreciate the support and hope I can do the same for someone else one day.

OP posts:
DumbledoresGirl · 20/10/2007 10:17

Not received it yet....

yawningmonster · 20/10/2007 10:26

forgot the 1 in your email address, have tried again

OP posts:
DumbledoresGirl · 20/10/2007 10:46

Have mailed you back yawningmonster. Hope you find it comforting to read. My basic message is there is hope to be had! Your mother will most likely make a much greater recovery than you think possible now.

MrsJohnCusack · 20/10/2007 10:50

oh shit YM, I am so sorry
I don't have any practical advice really, my parents have both had minor strokes but nothing like as bad as your mother & my uncle in Canada had a major one a couple of years ago and will never be coming home - but I only know how that's been at second hand from my aunt, and it's a different country and set up.

But you're not being selfish at all, it's a massive adjustment. and awful to suddenly be caring for a parent too - I had a very small experience of it after my mother had her hip replaced when I was very pregnant earlier this year and I had to help her out with a few personal things as my dad was being ill (and useless)

Is there really nothing here? Do you need any help trying to dig out what support there might be; am perfectly willing to do some research for you if that helps at all? Am trying to think of anything else I can do - please let me know if I can help with anything.

yawningmonster · 20/10/2007 10:51

thanks for that, it is 11 at night here and I need to give mum medication then head to bed, I will read your email properly tomorrow and will probably bombard you with questions, thanks and good night

OP posts:
DumbledoresGirl · 20/10/2007 10:54

Bombard away! I will help all I can. Have a good night's sleep.

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