I am getting really angry - physically angry - and it is scaring dp and ds. Why is it so physical? And any advice?

[crazygolf]

We have a had a stressful year/18 months, and so it's not surprising that both ds (who started hitting a year ago) and I have been getting angry more often than I'd like.

What concerns me mostly is how physical the anger is for me. It's as though cortisol/adrenalin/something potent is coursing through my veins and I have to bash something, repeatedly. Counting to 10 wouldn't even touch it.

This morning, I was tired and feeling frustrated with ds and I just lost it. I picked ds up and 'threw' him on the bed, stormed downstairs stamping every step hard as I went, slammed about three doors, bashed the kitchen worktop repeatedly with my fist, and wrenched my face with my hands.

I've always had a temper, but this kind of major outburst has become more common. It could be to do with possible hormone imbalance (adult-onset acne and possible early menopause have kicked in over the past year), and also dp and I have had/are having a rocky patch. But blimey, the intensity of the anger is so overwhelming, and is scaring ds and dp (and me). And it's teaching ds to be quick to anger too.

I have never hit ds, though sometimes handle him more roughly than I'd like. I think these kind of outbursts can't carry on, and I don't know quite what to do about them.

Any anger management tips for BIG anger? Thank you.

aww first of all (((hugs))) i think u need to go to a doc who can refer u to a therapist it sounds to me like u need anger managment, i dont mean to sound horrible because i am very sympathetic to you, but i think u should seek help as soon as possible just incase u find yourself in a situation u dont want to be in. xXx

I think, perhaps, when you feel like getting physical with your ds, you should try to imagine how it feels from his perspective, to be shaken, pulled around, thrown by someone quite physically capable of killing you on a whim.

Can you imagine how frightening that must be? Imagine the knot of fear in his stomach when he knows you are wound up ... imagine his heartbeat quicken as you storm towards him, not knowing what you are going to do this time, not knowing if you will stop this time ... imagine being so utterly powerless to prevent this treatment from one you love as if your heart will burst.

Try to completely put yourself in his shoes.

Now recall that feeling next time you feel you are going to lose it with him.

secondly, seek some anger management and councelling. They do say that behind all anger is fear - what are you frightened of?

Also go to the doctor, and ask for a blood test, and po0ssible hormaon therapy. You don't have to live like this.

crazygolf - since you have the perspective you do - i.e this is not like you, and not the way you want to be, and you know it is a problem, I really doubt you are genuinely dangerous.

I was like this when DS was about 2. Blowing up instantly, feeling incredibly aggressive, along with huge feelings of doom and self pity. Sometimes I felt such rage that I could imagine hurling DS down the stairs. I didn't of course, but I did shout a lot and I did throw a box file at DP and DS saw.

I was depressed.

The GP aid I had low level depression not PND but related to all the hormonal changes of pg, birth and bf, and that my serotonin levles had probably been dropping steadily since DS was born.

I took a low dose AD for 6 months, and the rellief was immediate and dramatic.

It's worth checking out if this could be your problem, especially as you think you may have hormonal changes going on.

fab post from colditz

I know how you feel, I have had explosions of anger where I felt as though I was going to lose control. It's a horrible feeling and you feel even worse afterwayrds

I believe my anger problems are rooted in my childhood experiences - my mother had mental health issues and had serious bouts of intense rage, sometimes unprovoked, and there were many times when I felt genuinely terrified (being thrown/pushed/manhandled). I think the fear of what she could do to me and the frustration of not being able to stop her or even predict her behaviour is stored up as rage inside me. Since dealing with some of these issues I am a much less angry person and my life is much calmer.

I once asked a teacher I was close to at school "What was I like when I was younger?" and she replied "Angry. Very , very angry." This surprised me, because I didn't remember being angry - I only remembered being afraid/bullied/miserable. I think that when I was younger, while I was still not safe from my mother, my mind converted all angry feelings into a sort of generic "bad feeling" more akin to fear and misery, because being overtly angry was likely to result in serious harm. Later, when I gained my physical independence and my mother could no longer harm me, I began experiencing anger directly, and it was shocking and hard to control.

Sorry if I have waffled - it's just that your post really rang bells for me. Do you have anything unresolved in your background that could shed light on where this anger is coming from?

Definitely see a doctor.

At my most depressed I was also my most... I wouldn't even call it angry, it was just rage, like in that moment everything comes out, an unstoppable tide and I would be angry about sooo many things I couldn't handle it.

And even if it isn't depression it could be hormone imbalance. I went on cerazette and I was like a mad person, pmt quadrupled.. more than that. It was horrible and definitely caused by the hormones.

Outside of these situations, I am quite mellow.