Anyone else spend 24/7 convinced they are dying........

[worrybum]

of everything from A-Z in the medical dictionary?

I have been like this for years now and it really seems to be getting worse now. I feel ill all of the time, a lot of the time I do have things wrong with me like recurrent UTIs but never anyhting too serious. I can't count the number of times I have visited my GP in the last year and I am going back tomorrow for 4 different things including a lump that I have found in my breast, even though I only had it checked out last Monday and was told not to worry about it.

I have had numerous scans, blood tests etc carried out in the last several years and I've not dropped dead yet so why do I spend most of my time convinced that I am going to?

Looking back I have probably felt like this to some degree most of my life, I had major surgery when I was a toddler and then was an outpatient for years afterwards to ensure I would outgrow the problem until I hit my teens. Could possibly have something to do with it?????? Plus I know lots of friends/family who have either died or suffered from cancer.

Has been much worse since I had DD 8 years ago. Affects me to various degrees, sometimes I am not so bad but after having 4th successive miscarriage this year it has become really really bad again. Sometimes I cry myself to sleep convinced I'm not going to wake up in the morning and that I won't be around to see DD grow up.

Anyone had similar experiences or am I the only loony out there??

I am the same. Have spent loads of money on private tests as well which have all been clear. I KNOW I have health anxiety but still can get overpowered by it and start feeling like I'm dying. Coincidentally it really started with me after a miscarraige too.

I worry about my health a lot too. It's got worse after I had two skin cancers as I feel that if I hadn't been so paranoid about my skin I'd have missed the symptoms and then I might well have been v. ill / died. So, for me, that sanctioned it. Unfortunately though it can be overwhelming and also terrifying. It's also very difficult for my Dh to cope with as he's sick to the back teeth with me banging on about my certain and imminent demise!

I am actually going to see the GP about it soon because I think I'd like to tackle it head on and get some CBT because I need to re-train the way I think.

Poor you, I know exactly how you feel.

Thanks for comments ladies. At least I'm not alone.

Belgianbun read your other thread, know how you feel. docs tell you not to worry but it still doesn't convince you. I always tell myself that I know my body better than them and I'm convince I'm going to be one of those cases that you hear about on the news about being failed by the health service!!!!

My husband's not too bad. I do get the occasional grrrrrrrrrrrrrr when i ask him to check another lump or bump that I've dicovered or drag him down the walk in centre at midnight but at least he's coming to the docs with me tomorrow for support. His theory is that unless the docs take me seriously and and test even though it's likely that there's nothing wrong then it's not going to help my anxiety.

Sorry pennies - meant to ask - does your GP refer you for CBT for this sort of thing or would you have to make enquiries about going private? My GP has put me on the waiting list to see the surgery's counsellor. (Still I just can't help feeling though that they might miss something serious because they pass every symptom I have as being all in my head?)

worrybum i know EXACTLY how u feel, (and my hubby knows exactly how yours feels ) i have been referred 3 times for cbt, first couple didnt work but the last time was good, i think u have to bond with ur therapist, i can deal with worries a bit better now, but i can honestly say there really isnt a part of my body i havnt had a major worry about the worry takes over my life sometimes and takes the enjoment out of everything, i would love to be "normal" i was amazed at my hubby the other day, his eyeball was slightly swollen and he said "oh its ok, i will just put some eyedrops in it, it will be ok" if that was me id of been running screaming down to a&e lol, your not alone. big hugs xx

Sweetheart, you've had a lot of losses - and I would imagine you're right to make some link to your childhood experience of illness, too.

I have been an on/off hypochondriac since I was in my teens - its been much better the last few years, but can pop up if I'm anxious about something or feeling lost/griefy. Speaking for myself, therapy (counselling) has helped hugely - grieving the real losses, and dealing with deep anxieties, means the distracting non-real ones have gone away.

Four miscarriages is a lot, btw, had the same and know how depressing it can get. Hope the right support comes up soon, be it NHS or private...xxx

btw, by 'not real' I don't mean not real as in imaginary (I know very well how real fear of illness/dying can be) - sorry, am typing too fast.

Thanks. Am crying now, don't know if it's because you're all being so supportive or just relief that it's not just me that feels like this. Kind of reassures me that it probably is mostly psycological and more common than you think.

Doesn't help that dh works evenings and nights in engineering so I spend long hours at home on my own while dd asleep obsessing about every ache and pain. Mum lives in the states and I have huge phone bills from calling her up frantic!!!

aww worrybum, it is very common, i know what a black hole it is, if u ever wanna talk or want someone to speak to in a dark time just ask for my email address. hugs, xx

awww worrybum, I am exactly the same. My GP did refer me for counselling for my health anxiety, but I don't think it has made much of a difference

I have always been like this (well since being an adult) and it really took hold when the girl next door died of leukaemia. (ds was barely 1 and I was in the midst of undiagnosed pnd)

It sometimes takes over my life, and I look at the other mums on the school run and am incredulous at how happy and worry free they appear.
(whilst I am planning my funeral yet again)

It is hell, it is a big black hole that every now and then sucks me in and won't let me escape

It sometimes takes over my life, and I look at the other mums on the school run and am incredulous at how happy and worry free they appear.
hippi, that exactly how i feel, its so comforting to know your not alone, sometimes it feels like u have been swallowed into a hellish abnormal world doesnt it

but we are all dying. i mean, none of us is going to live forever, i'm afraid.

I know expat, but that is not the issue. The problem with HA is that instead of enjoying life (knowing fully well that at some point it will end) you spend every waking moment examining your 'symptoms' and panicking over yet another lump/bump/rash/ache. So you cannot live a normal life.

It has nothing to do with not accepting that at some point we die, more to do with fearing we are terminally ill.

yeah its difficult to expalin, its like this fear takes over your whole life, it may sound strange to someone who doesnt suffer HA obviousley the only certain thing in life is death, but it doesnt stop the worry.

thanks hippi and loopy and feel better knowing that there are other people that have the same anxieties that I do.

Sorry expat but comment doesn't really help. Whilst I accept that everyone dies the point is that I am scared of it happening to me sooner rather than later especially when I have a young dd that I want to see grow up!

There's probably a lot of people out there like "us"... I am pretty much the same worrybum, but I just worry about it alone rather than seeing the doctor. Not sure what the answer is to it all. There must be one somewhere. I will let you know if I work it out.

For me, it all pretty much started when I had my son. Before that I was live-fast-die-young-sex-and-drugs-and rock-and-roll who-gives-a-shit type person.

Now I'm cautious and over anxious.

The only thing I can say is that I am TOTALLY CONVINCED there is something to do about this problem. I just haven't worked it out yet.

Cheers

Laura

I will find out what the GP has to say about it tomorrow - if I can resisit listing a whole range of things currently "wrong" with me, that is!

expat - your point is valid, but whilst I'm obviously not spekaing for everyone else here, but IMO I'm more scared of terminal illness than death IYSWIM. That's where the fear is for me (although obviously death isn't too appealing a prosepct either lol)

Have to say I'm like laura.

Ive had health anxiety since a brief brush with PND when DS was born.
Suffer from general anxiety too.

I hardly ever go to the Drs, am that convinced that I will be told something I don't want to know and what ifs etc, I torture myself with these 24/7 when I'm not feeling well, it's like I almost enjoy punishing and torturing myself instead of going to see the GP.

When I had my ears syringed recently I saw on my notes 'anxious re tumor'(cos i had a blocked ear)- worried will leave 3 yo son - when I read it back I think I sound like a loony!

no answers from me im afraid, but know how you are all feeling!

Hi went to see GP again today. Is adamant that lump I can feel in my breast is nothing but she did say that I am displaying obvious high levels of anxiety. (You don't say?!?!?!?)

Prescribed me small dose of Escitalopram (anti depressant/anti anxiety drug) Can't believe this had led to me being prescribed ant-depressants again. I had to have them several years back when I was suffering from anxiety and obsessive behaviour after a really bad spell of illness.

I don't really want to have to take them because last time I was on antidepressants I gained a load of weight which made me feel naff about myself and even more ill because I wasn't physically as fit and I had terrible withdrawl symptoms when I tried to stop taking them. In the end the doctor had to prescribe them in liquid form so that I could reduce the dose really gradually.

What should I do?

sorry Pennies-forgot to say-let us know how you get on with the GP tomorrow. Good luck!

Ive been suffering too, my ds is now 2 and its really becoming a mother that has panicked me and made me feel "I MUST LIVE!!" for my child. Every time I argue with DH and cry, I wonder whether Im making myself terminally ill. Like you, Ive known of many friends dying from cancer recently. This is quite scary.

There is only 2 things I can do. The first, is to try really hard to ensure I live a healthy life. Ive read lots on the internet about boosting your immune system, and how to avoid cancer. Some would argue you cant avoid cancer, but its worth looking at.
For example, I now do some deep breathing everyday. There's a link between cancer and oxygen (lack of)
I try to include some healthy foods in my diet and am trying to eat less processed junk. Cant buy everything organic, cant afford it, but do buy organic dairy.

Just try to improve your health, and try to do some deep breathing everyday (Ive been calmer since doing this). It wont resolve this horrible ongoing worry, but it will help.

x

Hi, i can relate to just about everything thats been said, i also have a terrible fear of dying and nearly always think there is something awful wrong with me. Its like having a shadow hanging over you and stopping you from enjoying life to the full. I have 5 kids aged 23, 21, 16, 4 and 9 months and since the birth of my 4 year old i have been worse than ever, so much so that just after her birth i'd convinced myself that i had bowel cancer, i suffer from ibs and i was having really bad flare ups at the time. I saw five different gps at my practice all of whom said i was suffering from PND. I was put on citalopram and had a CPN for a year who really helped me.

Since having my last baby i have felt my anxieties starting to increase, and i find that its not just my health i worry constantly about but also that of my family. I suppose to a certain degree thats normal but i always imagine the worst. Obviously my biggest worry is not being here for my kids and i find myself thinking quite often that as long as i get another 20 years then at least my kids will be old to cope without me. Its not a happy life living with this fear, and my partner does'nt understand how i feel, his outlook is so different, he thinks there's no point worrying until there's something to worry about.

At least i'm not alone in these fears, was beginning to think i was going crazy!!!