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Original poster

my poor mum is dying

47 replies

jenjins · 14/10/2007 20:25

my poor mum is 59 and has battled with lung cancer for the past 2.5years and breast cancer 7 years ago. i have looked after her for such a long time that it hasnt really sunk in until we have some bad days and she is really ill. i feel the end is approaching and i now find it so hard to look at her as the thought of her going is heart wrenching. my ds who is 4 adores her and so does my dd who is nearly 13 months. what will i tell them? to think that my dd will not even remember her. this is such a cruel cruel disease...

OP posts:

cookiesandscream · 14/10/2007 21:17

sorry to read about your dear mum Jenjins.
i am a bit of a lurker but always check out onlyjokings posts, i am humbled to see that she is offereing you some support given her own situation.

Original poster

jenjins · 14/10/2007 21:20

i recognise your name too cookiesandcream. thanks!!

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Original poster

jenjins · 14/10/2007 21:20

sorry scream!!!

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mummydoit · 14/10/2007 21:24

Just wanted to offer you some sympathy, Jenjins. My Dad has been battling cancer of the oesophagus for five years and, in the past three or four months, has become very poorly. We feel the end is very close. My DH was diagnosed with the same cancer in February this year. You are right - it is a cruel disease. Sorry I can't say anything more helpful - just that you are not alone.

Original poster

jenjins · 14/10/2007 21:29

mummydoit how awful for you. two at the same time. i too dont know what else to say just that yes we are not alone. i am beginning to run out of things to think or say anymore. its just a matter of taking each day but its so scary and i feel sick when she starts to have a new pain or symptom. its like a kick in the tummy..

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onlyjoking9329 · 14/10/2007 21:36

every day is different and brings new questions and worries.
i have found talking to our macmillan nurse very helpful i have also joined the mac website which has various talk boards.

mummydoit · 14/10/2007 21:37

I know what you mean about a new pain or symptom. My poor Dad had to have a stomach feeding tube fitted in June, it got infected, he got the C.Difficile infection and was hospitalised. It was touch and go for a few days but he got over it. He was only home for ten days then he started coughing up blood from the tumour. Thankfully, he's home again now but you just can't relax. You're waiting for the next thing. You just want it to be over but you know the only way it will end is if they die and you really don't want that. It's just absolutely bloody awful and I really feel for you. It is so cruel that any of us has to watch a loved one go through this. I find it does help to talk to people who understand so I hope it helps you to talk here.

edam · 14/10/2007 21:38

I'm sorry your mother is so ill, jenjins.

Original poster

jenjins · 14/10/2007 21:38

thats true. our nurse is lovely and very helpful to talk to. i will look at the mac website. thanks

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onlyjoking9329 · 14/10/2007 21:41

hello cookies and mummydoit.
it is very sad that we are all having to deal/live with cancer.

Original poster

jenjins · 14/10/2007 21:41

god your poor dad mummydoit. this illness just reduces them to nothing of what they were. i been meaning to post on here for a while but not been brave enough. glad i did tonight!

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onlyjoking9329 · 14/10/2007 21:41

i use the mac site but i mostly only read/ post on the brain tumour bit.

onlyjoking9329 · 14/10/2007 21:43

with regards to talking to kids if you do a search on my name or look in my profile you may find some useful stuff on there

Original poster

jenjins · 14/10/2007 21:44

ok will look you up!

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Eddas · 14/10/2007 21:47

sorry I have no advice. My mum had lung cancer but only diagnosed a few weeks before she died. It is indeed a very very cruel disease

Heated · 14/10/2007 21:49

My sympathies to you and your mum, you are being really brave and pragmatic & my thought are with you.

You said that your mum doesn't talk much about dying and of course the medication clouds thinking, but I just want to say from my own experience, do talk to her and say what you need to say, leaving no words unsaid, like how much you love her.

GodzillasHorriblyHairyBumcheek · 14/10/2007 21:55

Just wanted to add my sympathy Jenjins. My dtds were only 4 when my dad died, and i had to explain the situation to them, too. I don't think they really understood how upsetting it was to me (and other people), but it helped me to cope better afterward that they wanted to discuss all the good memories they had of Grandad, and look at the photos of him.

mummydoit · 14/10/2007 21:56

Hello OnlyJoking! I haven't been on MN much recently as I've been up at Mum and Dad's for a couple of weekeneds which has really thrown my routine out. Must look up your threads and find out how you're doing. Hope Steve is doing okay. My DH had a scan recently and only one small tumour on his liver (secondary cancer) had grown ever so slightly. Everything else was the same so he doesn't need any further treatment at the moment. He'll have another scan in eight weeks and may need more chemo then if the tumours have grown more. He may be eligible for a clinical trial - we hope so!

Maybe we should start a cancer support thread? There seem to be a few of us who are dealing with this horrible disease. It can be good to share experiences but I feel guilty about hijacking other people's threads (sorry Jenjins!).

Original poster

jenjins · 14/10/2007 22:00

not at all mummydoit!! carry on

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onlyjoking9329 · 14/10/2007 22:03

there is a cancer support thread which i bumped earlier but it is quiet on there perhaps we should start a new one.
very glad to see that your DH is not having to have any treatment for now.

mummydoit · 14/10/2007 22:03

Thanks, Jenjins. I do share your concerns about how to break the news to children. My DSs are only three and four and I have no idea how to explain death to them. We're atheists so we have no comforting concept of Heaven and meeting again sometime in the hereafer to cushion the blow. I really don't know how to begin to explain it.

onlyjoking9329 · 14/10/2007 22:06

i have ordered the dragonfly, badgers parting gift and another book that twig suggested called Sad.
i do have the cancerbacup book "taking to children" which might be useful to others but my three are a little different so we will have to adapt stuff for them

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