Cancer support thread #76 - newbies welcome!

[Bloodybridget]

Here's the next thread for anyone at any stage of cancer, from noticing a possibly warning sign, through tests and scans, diagnosis, treatment and beyond. Come on in for advice, sympathy and support.
The last thread is here.

If you've been on a previous thread, please come and say hello and introduce yourself!

If you are a relative or friend of someone with cancer and looking for support, please look for other threads; there is one in Life-limiting illness for partners - link to latest. This one is for cancer patients ourselves.

Good news Bit of Fun I had opium in the Sinai Desert a lifetime ago, so if I remember rightly you will sleep well.

I meditate to keep calm. i learnt lots of ways of coping. I managed to be mindful when washing dishes but that's about it and I learnt how to deal best with the attacks. I used aromatherapy for years for the depression and it help with anxiety. Being positive now the issue has been identified i can be treated and I can lead a better life.

I've got my head out of the sand,made a couple of important calls today so will call and see if I can get a phone appointment with doctor

@Acinonyx2 I know what you mean. I too just want to get it done. Please keep us updated.
I agree, it's not good for our mental state.

@BitOfFun, hope you had a pain-free night’s sleep.

@BitOfFun Hope you got some respite for pain last night. ❤️

@InOtterNews. Good to hear that your levels recovering and no transfusion needed. Take care of yourself. Xx

@TopOfTheCliff. Ouch! So sorry to hear about your accident. Funny image though of you gaffer taped to the bed by hubby 😉. Hope you are getting nice treats in those snack boxes. Xx

@Bloodybridget Much love to you. Hope you had lovely day with family. Wobble away when you need to. ❤️💪

Yesterday started my fourth 2 week period of isolation. Actually don't mind this now. Really don't want to have to talk to people at this time. I'm seem to be reassuring everyone else that I'm going to be ok when I don't even bloody know ! It's exhausting🥴

Hello to everyone else and wishing you all a Happy Halloween. 🧙‍♀️ 🎃

@AlbertCampion Sorry I meant to say that i love the name cobweb. How did you come up with that? I hope your appt yesterday was positive. Xx❤️

Morning all. I hope @BitOfFun slept on the wings of Morpheus or whatever the quote is. I’ve had to stop my oramorph to let my guts work again and TBH I don’t really need it now. The ankle is down to a dull ache.
@gillmoregirl I know what you mean about having to manage other people’s feelings. I know I am adopting a crazy jolly persona with my extended family to cheer them up. Haha yes it’s hilarious how much bad luck I have had isn’t it? Whatever next? House burning down perhaps?
@InOtterNews hope your red cells and white cells and platelets are doing their thing this week. My DH is a platelet donor and we are always fascinated to see where his Contributions end up. They told him each unit is worth £1000 and they take three each month.

Well I am going to venture downstairs today which will be an adventure. I suspect there are six vases of dead flowers waiting for me in the living room from last week. Also the clothes I was wearing when I had The Accident which have either been cut up by the paramedics or vomited on by me. I may have to harness the more useful of my visitors today. They are allowed to come and peer at me on the veranda so they may as well be useful.
We have a bunch of feeder friends kindly bringing us meals which is lovely but how do I turn away the one with the filthy kitchen full of cats? I am neutropenic and it worries me. Maybe I could freeze her meals to sterilise them. Or just smile and put them in the compost bin?
Love to all, keep on keeping on!
TopO

@TopOfTheCliff smile graciously when accepting the meals and chuck them when they've left (I say this as the owner of 3 cats).

If I remember my first platelet transfusion the nurse told me each bag contains platelets from 5 donors. Platelets always perk me up so I'm eternally grateful. I used donate blood regularly - no more alas

Operation recovery is fully underway. Just had a friend who is a physio come to see me to give me some exercises to do. She asked me what my goal was - I said I want to be cleaning the house by Christmas. I need to re-evaluate my life 😂

Hey ladies, would it be ok for me to join you please?

I am awaiting confirmation of an ovarian cancer diagnosis, I have a biopsy and drainage on Tuesday to determine the severity and I am so frightened. My life for the last 6 weeks has been one long round of hospitals and tests and I am worried silly.

@gillmoregirl I can so relate to managing other people's feelings, this has come as a very unwelcome part to all of this. I seem to spend most of my time reassuring everyone that I will be alright and I keep thinking, 'hang on, this should be the other way around!'.

Another problem I have is the insistence of some friends that I should be perpetually 'positive' as anything else will hinder my recovery. It did occur to me that this mindset is reserved for a cancer patient and no-one would say it to anyone diagnosed with say MS etc.. Does anyone have any tips to deal with these sorts of suggestions please?

@FizzyOrange I swear I will slap the face off then next person who tells me to be positive. Hope you get your plan in place soon - waiting on tests, diagnoses and stuff is excruciating.

@FizzyOrange So sorry you've joined but you will be well supported here. Some wonderful people here.

I agree. I am a positive person but am in not allowed to be frightened and wobble. That's why I find these forums so good. No judgement.

The waiting is the hard. I hope you get clarity soon. My cancer is in the bowel but i knownothers will have great advice for you. Take care.

@Acinonyx2 Wouldn't it be nice if we could do that. 👋. Lol

@Acinonyx2 - slap the face off! That did make me laugh. I was actually crying down the phone the other day to a friend who advised me to 'be positive' and when I continued to wail to her that I simply couldn't, she replied 'but you must'!

@gillmoregirl, I am usually a very positive and cheerful person too! This has totally floored me - I am in my fifties, never smoked, hardly drink, not too fat, eat reasonably well and exercise. I'm sure it is something that we have all thought - how is it me?

Thank you for the welcome ladies

OMG @FizzyOrange the Positivity Police! I'm so glad I'm not the only one who finds the relentless "you must stay positive" bullshit really offensive. The people who I have found the most supportive are the ones who have acknowledged how crap my situation is, rather than those who have told me how positive it is that I "only" need six months of chemo. I feel that this relentless insistence on positivity is almost a form of passive aggression - it's like it's my fault if the cancer gets worse because I just wasn't positive enough. I'd also welcome any advice on how to deal with it.

Welcome @FizzyOrange - sorry you find yourself here. However you've also found the best people on Mumsnet. My type of cancer is treatable but not curable.

I can deal with positive people - I just send them my death stare down the phone. My problem was a couple of people who thought they were being supportive by asking lots of questions about side effects I.e. how long will it last/what does it mean etc. "I DON'T FUCKING KNOW, I'VE NEVER DONE THIS BEFORE!" I actually said that and they backed off.

Thankfully I have a few good friends who I will contact on those really shitty days. They don't tell me it will be alright. They just let me cry/rant etc til I get it out of my system.

FizzyOrange, I'm sorry you have to join us but welcome! I know exactly what you mean about the irritating Positivity Police: there's a whole chapter about how people insist on framing the narrative of cancer around "fighting" 'etc etc in Barbara Ehrenreich's Smile Or Die. I recommend reading it before telling them to just FUCK OFF!

@BitOfFun How are you today? Must get that book me read it.

Another annoying thing I've found is that people want think something I've done has caused it so it can't happen them. Eg. One friend asked me 'did the doctors say what might have caused it'. I told her the fact that I have a rectum means I can get cancer there. I don't fit the stereotype for this cancer. Young (ish) non smoker about half stone overweight, not a big meat eater and never was moderate wine drinker. If fact over the past 6 years I've been for 5 breast investigations and 2 years ago had cyst removed which raised query given ca125 level and all these clear. Colon cancer least expected.

Sorry for all the typos. Hard to type and proof on this phone. Eyesight going as well. 🤣

Thank you all so much for the lovely welcome

Positivity Police sums it all up really.

@AlbertCampion I too find it rather passive aggressive. It makes me feel like I have only just started and I am already getting it wrong! Their comments are heavy with the burden that my recovery is dependent on how 'positive' I have been

@InOtterNews I am also struggling with fielding the questions and also the ignorant assumption that just because I have just discovered I have this, this automatically means it has been caught early and so just a bit of positivity will mean I will be fine.

@BitOfFun I will see if I can get that book, thank you for the suggestion.

I am also finding that everyone seems to be an expert on cancer treatments. I have said how worried I am about having chemotherapy and I have been told this is likely to be my first treatment before surgery. I have a real fear of feeling and being sick and just feeling really ill and no-one hears this - almost everyone has said, 'you probably won't lose your hair' when I hadn't even mentioned that!

@gillmoregirl I have had friends ask this too! I also truly don't fit the profile for someone with ovarian cancer only that I still have my ovaries!

@FizzyOrange I've just got a copy of eBay. Used £2.47.

@gillmoregirl I've just got a used copy on Amazon for £2.41 with £2.80 postage.

@FizzyOrange regardless of what you read or people tell you, everybody's cancer experience is unique. You're chemo experience will be different to the person you are sat next to. You might have similar side effects but the degrees of effect will vary.

It's good to know what to expect but ignore people who know someone who had x cancer and they were fine after drinking turmeric and didn't react to chemo etc. In fact tell them fuck off. Only people who have cancer can know.

@InOtterNews that's good to know, thank you for that information.

Turmeric? Is that one of the miracle cures? Last week, someone suggested I eat lots of leafy green vegetables as this would help me 'fight' it.

My first and (possibly last) post I was diagnosed with stage 4 cervical almost 19 months ago- have kept it very close - very immediate family and a group of carefully selected friends - I have been through a number of chemo lead treatments and have just started immunotherapy although I am not the ideal fit for this it is speculative - have followed the threads here but fully focused on protecting others from my disease but at a point where it would be lovely to talk with people who actually know if that makes any sense

You can share as much information or as little as you like here, takeyourmarks, welcome.

I'm in some pain tonight, but I'm booked in for palliative radiotherapy on Tuesday, so looking forward to that. I'm also getting a reclining chair then, yay! I had one in my room at the hospice and I think I slept more comfortably in that than in my bed, and it actually helps you to stand up independently too.