Cancer support thread #76 - newbies welcome!

[Bloodybridget]

Here's the next thread for anyone at any stage of cancer, from noticing a possibly warning sign, through tests and scans, diagnosis, treatment and beyond. Come on in for advice, sympathy and support.
The last thread is here.

If you've been on a previous thread, please come and say hello and introduce yourself!

If you are a relative or friend of someone with cancer and looking for support, please look for other threads; there is one in Life-limiting illness for partners - link to latest. This one is for cancer patients ourselves.

@nixnjj It's hateful isn't it. Then in the morning I just want to hibernate. Was thinking phone call easier to make than wasted trip. No harm in giving them a tinkle. I hope both you and me get some sleep soon. 💤

Morning all! Hope the midnight crew got back to sleep. I've been up since 5, have had breakfast and am now cosy on the sofa in my new dressing gown, which is pale grey, hooded and so extra fluffy, I look like I'm auditioning for Game of Thrones.
Hello and welcome to @Itonlytakesone, much sympathy to you at this very anxious time. Hope we can help you get through this stage, and beyond if necessary.
@nixnjj hope you get bloods done quickly and easily.
On the topic of blood tests, the chemo ward at Barts have agreed I can get mine done on the morning of treatment days, rather than having to go in two days before. Yay, small victory.
Wishing everyone some good things today.

@Acinonyx2 sorry I didn't respond to you earlier, was on tablet and lost track. Sorry you're missing out on a Norfolk stay too, and I hope your DH's op goes well tomorrow.

@FizzyOrange My friends husband died very suddenly at the start of the year. She said to me that she had learnt that sometimes you just have to let the tears come.

Positivity Police. Such a good term! They can go fuck right off, together with the "You're so strong, cancer picked the wrong person to mess with" brigade.

May I have a mini rant? I work for a huge global company that's very much affected by the crisis. All staff have worked from home since March. The leadership team is getting very worried about morale and mental health, so this last week I've had not one, but three sessions on resilience and mental health. They've actually been quite useful to me, but how in the world do I stop myself from biting the head off of
young, child-free, healthy colleagues whose main problems are not being able to go on weekend trips every month and who can't go out drinking every night?

Thank you for letting me say that out loud, been bottling it up all week...

I have been AWOL since starting docetaxel and carboplatin which have wiped me for six! Absolutely crap - the worst heartburn ever, no appetite (I lose about 4 kgs after every cycle) and the mother of all constipations! So much so that I ended up on the cancer assessment unit on Friday as I was screaming in pain and was worried I was going to rupture my, erm, nether regions. They gave me suppositories which worked a treat (I was SO happy I had to text my DH with the wonderful news, I mean, fuck you, cancer, that pooing makes it headline news in my life these days), gave me some other tablets to take (Senna just wasn’t cutting it and Laxido makes me sick). Still feeling absolutely wiped out.

I feel rather sorry for myself as I couldn’t muster any energy for Halloween. And then looking at all the happy clappy photos on social media how the kids had done this and that and decorated everything. Feeling like the worst mother and wife in the world.

One more cycle to go and this fucking torture called chemo should be the end. Then an ultrasound, then a meeting with my consultant, then surgery date. Petrified about Covid getting out of hand and cancer ops being cancelled/postponed indefinitely.

Feeling thoroughly fed up of not being able to do anything, going anywhere, what with the lack of energy and Covid, not being able to order my favourite bagel sandwich (I am not eating any take aways to minimise the risk), not being able to go running (Jesus, I used to run 5K regularly) and take my DS mountain biking. Just feeling fucked off, living in a state of suspension.

I have decided to order M&S Christmas food in as I don’t want to pile any additional pressure on myself, plus I still don’t know if my surgery will be in Dec. or not. Feels like a cop out but I just need a break.

On the plus side I am currently ploughing through Season 2 Cagney & Lacey episodes.

Off to read this new (well, not so new anymore) thread. Much love to everyone!

Just realised I haven’t introduced myself on this new thread.

Diagnosed with BC at Christmas 2016, ER+, PR/HER2 neg, stsge 2, no spread to lymph nodes, so the initial idea was to just to lumpectomy followed by radiaton. The day before lumpectomy I had found out I was BRCA2 positive, so had lumpectomy, followed by bilateral mastectomy with DIEP reconstruction, followed by bilateral oophorectomy. Recurrence confirmed this July, in my right lymph node. Not spread anywhere else. Plan of action: Chemotherapy followed by surgery. My cancer (ah, MY cancer) is ER8, 8 is the highest grade ER positive, so basically I am fucked for being a woman. With the bastard BRCA2 gene thrown in. So, if anyone tries to tell me “if you had done x, y and z you wouldn’t have got cancer...” I will just calmly strangle them and dispose of their body quietly. 👹

@Bloodybridget I am so sorry about the lung nodule, hope chemotherapy does its job and keeps it under control for as kong as possible. Re: shielding, I am going for walks in the local park mainly (although we did go pumpkin picking at a farm last weekend), not going to any shops, not dropping off/picking up DS at school (he gets changed out of his uniform as soon as he comes in). No take aways, sanitising the hell out of me every time I come back from the hospital (and throwing my clothes into the washing machine).

@gillmoregirl crap news, I hope the plan of treatment is going to work. At least you know where you stand which makes it easier to plan ahead.

@InOtterNews glad you are getting stronger, how are the platelets now? Mine were not that great a couple of weeks ago.

@TopOfTheCliff oh, no, re: fall. Good to know you can still get your treatment. But what a bummer! Sending you lots of love! I am petrified that I will do myself some damage before I have my last session (16 Nov.). I had all sorts of bad visions re/ my constipation and how that would scupper me before the finishing line.

@BitOfFun glad to hear the opioids are working. And that you still manage to get some guilty pleasures. Counting my blessings: well, I have just realised that I haven’t spent a penny in Boots on shampoo, the latest shower gel or body lotion for months as a) I am bald, b) I bought a huge tub of dermatological unscented shower gel and body lotion. But seriously, just having my DH around who is looking after DS, the house and still has to WFH full time is my biggest blessing of all.

@Acinonyx2 re: working - I could have gone off on sick leave for 3 months (can do it up to 6 months on full pay) but my line manager has decided we’ll just take it day by day. So for every day I don’t feel well straight after chemo she signs me off, then I am back again (after back to work interview). Seems to work fine. I realise I am really lucky that my employer is generous and understanding and that I haven’t been faced with financial hardship during this shit time.

@Thymeout woo-hoo, what fabulous news!!!!

I hope everyone is having a settled Sunday. Thinking of all of you. 💐

@Itonlytakesone, I am also in limbo land, awaiting a formal diagnosis but still having tests. I have a biopsy and drainage on Tuesday and also feel I wish I could be braver. I seem to spend much of each day in tears just worrying about everything. I will be thinking of you on Wednesday and hope we will both feel better once we know what we are dealing with.

@Lizdeflores I am so sorry to hear about your friend's husband, what a terrible shock. I am sure we can all relate to the feeling of not knowing what is round the corner. I having been thinking back to this time last year, when I was healthy and had no idea of how I would be now. That is good advice about letting the tears come - I used to feel embarrassed about crying in front of people but now it has happened so often I am used to it.

@gillmoregirl I also can't sleep but then in the morning feel I could sleep all day. I find the evenings are when I am calmest (relatively speaking) and the days bring the worry and the possibility of phone calls from the hospital so I want to delay the start of that.

@KentishMama I too have had the 'cancer chose the wrong person to mess with' with me and 'if anyone can overcome this, you can' speeches. I am actively avoiding one friend who, despite my telling her not to lecture me like this, still persists. I can relate to your frustration of wanting to bite the heads off of those whose social lives have been curtailed. I had a friend complaining to me last night that she didn't think she could manage another lockdown as it would mean her usual whirlwind of company and outings at the weekends and several nights a week would stop!

I'm so pleased to have found this group

@FizzyOrange
I had an u/s guided needle biopsy for suspected ovarian cancer. As Liz said, the local stings but not much more than at the dentists and the actual biopsy was painless, just a clunking noise when they take the samples. I had a chatty doctor and a brilliant nurse - we talked about SAHM v nurseries. Just thought I'd warn you, there's quite a long recovery period, lying flat on your back till they're sure you're OK. I don't know about drainage, but I`ve never heard anyone complain about it. The relief is miraculous.

@Itonlytakesone - There's a lot of prep to clear the bowels before a colonoscopy so most unlikely it'll be on the cards for your appointment. Since it's a gastro referral, I think your consultant will be looking at your entire digestive system before deciding what needs investigating. Sometimes stomach symptoms are caused by a problem lower down and vice versa. But, as @gillmoregirl said, there are a lot of benign conditions that mimic bowel cancer. I didn't have any symptoms at all, picked up by chance on a routine monitoring scan for the ovarian issue.

@balkanscot Thanks for the woohoo! I'll be ringing a virtual bell for you when you finish your chemo
Re suppositories, I'm always plugging them on here. You can get them over the counter at a chemist's. Don't know why they're not more popular in GB. Perhaps clenched buttocks are a side-effect of the stiff upper lip?

@KentishMama Bite away! Wait til we get closer to Xmas - the moaning will know no end!

@balkanscot sorry to hear you are a repeat offender. I work PT from home so I'm just winging it and hoping for the best.

@gillmoregirl @FizzyOrange I wasn't sleeping well for years before this - menopause I think. Of course getting good sleep is something everyone says you must have for this business - another version of worrying about worrying

@Itonlytakesone may your stay with us be brief.

I have an unhelpful trait in that I am like a cornered wounded animal in this kind of situation - angry and likely to bite the hand that tries to help me. I expect it's not very endearing.

You get a sense though - that some people 'get it' more than others.

Of course I'm sure we all have times when we are either genuinely positive or at least faking it - the latter especially if you have kids at home. It's quite exhausting. When people intend to 'support' what does that actually mean - what can it mean - what do I even want it to mean?

@Thymeout I shall keep the suppository wisdom tucked away.

@balkanscot it’s good to hear your robust tones. We are doing okay just one more round of poison and it’s over! You made me laugh so much last time I think of you when I want a good swear.

@kentishmama it’s so odd how quite nice normal people project all their crap onto me and don’t listen to a word I say. Even when I’ve been snivelling and saying how scared I am they go home and text me about how I’m a Warrior or some stupid nonsense.

I quite like it when friends are whinging on about lockdown then remember they don’t have A cancer or B a broken leg and get a bit embarrassed. Quit moaning and appreciate your health! I don’t say.

Love to all. It’s grey and murky here but DH has found some yummy yoghourt flapjacks and my bowels are behaving today. Small pleasures!

@Thymeout thank you for the explanation, that is very reassuring to know. I have another question that perhaps you or @Lizdeflores can help me on - is the ultrasound internal or external?

@TopOfTheCliff I am at the start of all this so most of my friends are still whining away about lockdown without remembering that others have more serious worries! Oh my goodness - a Warrior?

Hi All I was on here 8 years ago with a rare controlled cancer which is although incurable has been manageable. Tuesday my world changed and there is a new cancer present and I am awaiting diagnosis tomorrow I'm very scared

@littlebillie That must be very scary. I'm sorry you are back here. I hope you get some clarity and a plan tomorrow.

@balkanscot- I am most impressed by your Counting Blessings choices, especially the one about not having to buy shampoo for your poor chemo-ravaged scalp...and then I thought I'd better confess that you are talking to someone SO susceptible to mumsnet marketing she actually once bought a mooncup, despite having a mirena coil and no periods .

What an idiot, eh?

Oh @littlebillie, I'm so sorry to hear that- waiting for the full reality of the picture to appear is absolutely the WORST bit (IME anyway). I'm sure we are all rooting for you for tomorrow- I hope you come back, even though there must be many new names here that you won't recognise. We are a pleasant enough bunch though, I promise!

@BitOfFun

Oh *@littlebillie*, I'm so sorry to hear that- waiting for the full reality of the picture to appear is absolutely the WORST bit (IME anyway). I'm sure we are all rooting for you for tomorrow- I hope you come back, even though there must be many new names here that you won't recognise. We are a pleasant enough bunch though, I promise!

Thank you not feeling 100% nee tomorrow to be over

@FizzyOrange The ultra sound is external to help the Dr to see where they need to biopsy.
I was just remembering times when I have 'let the tears come' when I was in hospital after my surgery I terrified a poor junior Dr by very suddenly bawling. He was about to take some blood and I have an image of him silhouetted against the curtain frozen in horror with a butterfly needle in one hand and a swab in the other. He was obviously prepared for medical emergencies but not emotional ones.
@Bloodybridget your dressing gown sounds fab.I was given a Frida Kahlo print kimono for My birthday I love it I would wear it out if I could
My silver lining would be that if I could go swimming I wouldn't have to worry about stray pubes peeping out of my cossie.
I hope everyone has had a good Sunday.We are preparing for back to school,for how ever long that lasts

Oh Liz . I really love the sound of your kimono, btw- I can feel a Wish List entry coming on...

@Thymeout Perhaps clenched buttocks are a side-effect of the stiff upper lip? I spat tea all over the laptop thank you as was so needed.

Managed to scare myself last night and had to ring my sons phone at 4.30am, bless him he found it funny and shopping turned up early so had cake for breakfast. Think I am overcompensating for potentially screwing up his teenage years. Learning from you guys will be infuriatingly positive with him and sod the rest.

@Lizdeflores oh good news the ultrasound is external at least. Oh dear, sometimes the tears come when it all gets a bit too much don't they? I can just imagine your junior doctor frozen in horror. I had a similar experience with a very young radiographer when I had my CT scan. I had worked myself up into such a frenzy that once it was over I went into meltdown which I think shocked him rather. He was very nice and said how good the doctors are at the hospital at treating all sorts of things. Poor guy - a weeping menopausal woman isn't a pretty sight!

Omg, stray pubes, I've found my people.

@Thymeout I also laughed at your comment! I didn't know you could buy suppositories so might get some just in case.

@TopOfTheCliff Yes! They do shut up rather quickly when they realise that their problems are a tad trivial compared to mine. But heck, it's all very awkward!

@littlebillie Welcome, and best of luck for tomorrow. Hope the news is as good as can be.

You know, thinking about the Positivity Police and stuff like that. You know the best response I got to my cancer news? It actually came from my boss. Actually boss's boss. She said: "This is horrendous news. I hope you have a doctor you trust, and wish you a straightforward treatment plan." I thought it was odd at the time, but boy, was she right or what?! Her sister had passed away from cancer a couple of years previously, so she knew.

Happy to help!

Ask for glycerine suppositories at the counter and follow the instructions. They're v good for post surgery and childbirth.

@littlebillie also thinking of you tomorrow xxx