Seeking help for ageing parents - where to look?

[ratticus4]

PILs are struggling at the moment. They are both fine mentally but frail physically and MIL is in constant pain. They need more support than their children can provide particularly as everyone works and lives at least 30 minutes away. This week, for example, my MIL has 4 trips to the GP and hospital and needs transport there but then someone needs to be with FIL in case he falls. I'm also concerned about them eating properly. We can do some things but really they need checking on several times a day. Where do we look for carers or hospital transport? Can anyone advise with what they are entitled to?

If you're in the UK then search on "Patient Transfer Services" for hospital transport.
Social services might be your best starting point for carer support unless you're willing to pay for a private company to come in.
For England & wales you can search by postcode for "meals on wheels" which would provide them with a hot lunch and the reassurance of someone going in during the day. www.gov.uk/meals-home

Where DM lived Age UK ran something akin to an agency for cleaners and care staff etc.

Somebody visited DM to establish what she needed and then introduced a lady to help. If DM wanted to change her or swap hours, Age UK did that for her. She had the same staff every week (or was asked if she would like a substitute). DM hated confrontation so didn't resent paying somebody else to do that bit.

www.ageuk.org.uk/services/in-your-area/home-help/

Fast forward 5 years and we persuaded her to move closer (as dealing with the increasing number of DIY and medical bits involved a 90 minute drive). The local taxi firm used to help ferry her around (they let her set up an account), but we needed to go to the more important appointments.

She now has meals delivered from Wiltshire Farm Foods (she seems to like them). We order them and somebody pops them in the freezer for her.

Whatever you decide/think your parents need I recommend you try to start ASAP. My SiL's DM has vascular dementia and refuses to allow anybody other than her 2 children in the house. This gets "interesting" whenever any plumbing/decorating needs to be done (and has been a dreadful burden for her daughter ).

OP you might want to look at Lasting Power of Attorneys (finance and health). They save a lot of worry when parent gets more infirm.

The hospital normally help for their appts. Although im not sure how its running just now.

Is your FIL at risk of falls 24/7? If he is at that stage a care home might be more appropriate and safer.
The most i know of care in the community is 4x 15 minute visits.

This will depend on whether they are self funding or entitled to social services support, based on income www.moneyadviceservice.org.uk/en/articles/local-authority-funding-for-care-costs-do-you-qualify

My parents had to pay, so we found we were basically on our own finding an agency, though social services did have lists. We also looked at the Care Quality Commission. There should be some sort of service for carers locally that may also be able to give you some guidance, or other older people's charities, including Age UK but there may be other local services, they may be linked on the social services website or via a local Voluntary Action directory.

As PP said, get LPAs done as soon as possible. Also claim Attendance Allowance (probably for both?). Phone up for forms and fill them in with every little detail. It is not means tested.

You don't need necessarily to action the LPA's, but need them in place for if you need to take charge later on. They can not be done if elders lose capacity, and then it gets complicated and expensive

I'm a private carer in the Gloucestershire area if it helps

Check out your local Age UK, Independent Age or Age Concern - they will have a local information and advice line that will be really helpful.

Also check out Attendance Allowance - if you're going to apply get some help from Age UK or whatever, makes it much easier. Ditto Blue Badge.

If they might need personal care and they are likely to need to fund themselves (savings over £23k but check their local council website) then just google care agencies, check their CQC rating and reviews, and call a few. They are amazingly helpful. If they have no savings call local social services (google again) and ask for an assessment. It wont be fast at the moment but will get the ball rolling.

There is likely to be a local charity driving organisation - join their local Facebook group and ask about Good Neighbours or whatever.

Register yourself (or someone) as their carer at their GP.

Absolutely echo getting POA in place now - emphasise they retain complete control until either they give you permission to take over or they lose capacity.

Also is your FIL GP aware he's started falling? If not they need to know, can get Occy Health/Falls assessment done to mitigate risk.

ratticus4 do your PiL's have any "fall alert" necklaces or watches? Ideally you would need to have somebody local to help out, but they are worth googling.

DM's retirement flat had an alarm system, which was great until it was utterly useless for when she fell off a chair she'd climbed on to change a lightbulb , broke her hip and couldn't move (yes she had an incredibly safe ladder and my DB 5 minutes away). Oldies are stubborn and many detest their crumbling years. She is back to wearing a pendant again.

Thank you everyone for your replies. Lots of really useful advice here which I have passed on to DH to share with his siblings.

Thank you for sharing your stories too. Helpful for talking to my own DM (who has her fingers in her ears when talking about old age) about the future.