Seeing dr about health anxiety and puffy area above collarbone

[takethegirloutofwales]

So... I only realised fairly recently that I’ve been suffering with health anxiety on and off for three years. This is since my go noticed my thyroid enlarged during a routine visit and that started off months of scans and fine needle aspirations (three in total) because they couldn’t get a conclusive result. Knowing they’re testing to see if you have cancer or not is pretty scary. I never got the conclusive result. But because of the size and shape and ‘heat’ of the modules, my consultant wasn’t worried at all. I have annual scans to check their size and all good. But because I didn’t notice this myself it’s triggered something in me that I am now hyper vigilant - always looking for lumps and bumps and assuming the worst every time. In the past 18 months I have lost my grandmother to oesophagus cancer. She was complaining fo symptoms for 18
Months before diagnosis but was told it was reflux and prescribed gaviscon. A friend of mine died last october age 43 from bowel cancer. By the time she was diagnosed she was at stage 4, having been told time and again it was ibs. I noticed asymmetry around my collarbone a while ago but because the anxiety wasn’t bothering me at the time, neither did this. But I was looking in the mirror two days ago trying to untangle my necklace and could see that the left side is definitely puffier or more padded than the right. I Don’t think it’s noticeable to anyone other than me. I’ve had a prod around and can’t feel lymph nodes (I found a tutorial on how to check them by hunching your shoulders forward). It actually feels more like a vein or something that is raised. My dr is seeing me tomorrow and examining me and was so lovely about everything. But I feel sick worrying about it, worrying she will find something I haven’t again and that I could have some sort of cancer that’s spread to the lymph nodes. I know that I’m overreacting but that’s part of the anxiety and I can’t control it. But she has said that she can sort some counselling for me so feel positive about being proactive. That’s it really but need to get the mess that’s in my head out and here seems as good a place as any.

I think collarbones are often not totally symmetrical (mine definitely isn’t) and it can be made worse by poor posture (i.e. due to wfh over lockdown). I really sympathise but think it’s likely you have nothing to worry about. Sounds like you’ve had a really tough time and it’s v understandable (if not necessary) that you’re hyperaware of changes in your body now. Good luck at the GP tomorrow!

I actually think deep down you’re right. Not even that deep to be honest. I think I may have always been this ‘shape’. I’m looking. At how I’m sat right now, left side up against the sofa, left arm raised over the sofa back and my hand supporting my tilted head. It’s a position I sit in a lot and does cause the skin folds to gather. I’ve put on weight and feel it’s fat and I guess with a tilt in my head it’s more prominent. I’m feeling somewhat t peace with myself having done the right thing of making an appointment to see the dr.