Very concerned about mum and drinking

[Pepperwand]

My mum has had a long history of issues with alcohol but has got much worse in recent years.

She's been a drinker for years, would be slurring and falling over at family gatherings. About two years ago she was taken to hospital and was on the liver ward, she'd turned yellow so we assumed it was liver damage but she informed the doctors not to tell us anything and she discharged herself. DSis had a big row with her in the hospital and said she was being selfish but mum told her it was non of her business.

She's actually seemed ok since then although her mobility has declined and she needs a walker to get around (she's only 68). She says this is because she has back pain and is seeing a physio but no evidence of this.

Anyway, I went to visit her today and she's very jaundice again and her stomach is swollen up. She appeared very with it mentally but refuses to discuss her health, basically has said not to interfere and it's none of our business.

This has to be serious alcoholism doesn't it? I think I've been in a bit of denial. I'm just at a loss as she won't talk about it but if anything happens to her I'll feel guilty for not trying enough.

There’s very little you can do unless she recognised she needs help herself. It’s such a hard position to be in.

Al anon provides support to friends and relatives of alcoholics. It might be worth giving them a call?

Try not to beat yourself up, there’s very little you can do in this sort of situation.

This must be very hard for you. You're probably wanting to find out if there is anything you can do to help.

It sounds as though she's completely in denial or doesn't want anyone to tell her she's brought it on herself or reveal the extent of her drinking. When someone is an addict the only person who can change their behaviour is the addict themselves. It's not your fault or your responsibility.

Yes sounds like severe liver disease.
As the child of an alcoholic know that you only have limited/no ability to change someone if they don't want help.
Might be worth speaking to AA to prepare yourself for what is to come and to decide how much you are willing to put yourself through.