Getting help for dotty mother!

[bamzooki]

Not sure if this is the right place to ask.
Have a friend with an 87yr old mother who has been getting increasingly forgetful and vague. Friends father is amazingly cantankerous and only seems concerned that she doesn't cook properly anymore.
However I feel things have come to a head as a couple of days ago the df drove the dm into town and left her in the car while he got some shopping (a huge leap in co-operation from him). Anyway - dm was missing when he returned, and (cutting long story short) she had got into a taxi and asked to be taken to a town 50 miles away. (Had previously had relatives there). She had no money on her, and somehow the taxi-driver had managed to work out roughly where to take her. But what if she had used a bus? She can't be allowed to do this sort of thing.

Anyway - my question is - where would my friend go to get some support with dealing with her mother? GP? Social services? And will they deal with her direct given her father's reluctance to seek help?

GP would be my first port of call. If they have known her long enough they should be able to help even if they can't discuss it at first. Thay should be able to give advice on SS etc.

Oh I am sorry about your friend's mother. Don't be too hard on the friend's father. He is probably old and frail himself and has to bear the burden of the caring responsibility.

Well the GP might do something I suppose. They didn't help in our case. Just said there was nothing medically wrong. The Social Services were a lot more help. They arranged stuff like meals on wheels, a daycare centre etc.

Good luck.

Thanks for the swift replies. I'll pass that on.
One of my friends difficulties though is that her father resents her 'interfering', and will only really listen to things her brother says. And her brother at least until now was refusing to acknowledge that there was a problem. He might have to now though.

It's a difficult situation. My mum is becoming very vague and forgetful and is only in her early 60s. The Alzeimers Society are helpful and supportive and Help The Aged would be useful too. My mum is recieving treatment and I'm not sure of her diagnosis or prognosis. I think in my situation that the time has gone to wonder what the causes might be, since my parents live as they live. Family members don't really know what to do, and I have asked my mum what she would like, and she said she didn't want our interference.

They should definitely speak to the GP-if the confusion has suddenly become worse, it may be the result os an infection of some kind-a UTI for instance. The GP would also be able to refer them for assessment for help from social services. They are used to working with elderly people who are at first resistant to outside help.

I also think that someone should speak to the GP on your friend's mother's behalf. Maybe your friend's dad hasn't noticed the deterioration in his wife's memory as he spends every day with her but it may be much more noticeable to other members of the family. As tiggiwinkle said, a rapid change in the level of confusion with an older person could be due to an infection, or perhaps a TIA (like a small stroke). If it has been getting worse over a period of time then it is possible that she could be in the early stages of dementia (in which case, early diagnosis can be helpful with regard to access to medication/help/ support). Perhaps your friend's father aand brother may be more agreeable to seeking advice now after this recent incident while out. The local Social Services team for Older people may also be able to help, and also Voluntary agencies already mentioned such as Age Concern and Alzheimer's Society.