My friend has ovarian cancer. Please tell me what I need to know.

[ScrumbleopdeBeestie]

I didn't realise until a mutual friend told me. This is a fond acquaintance really, with whom I've chatted more over the last year since she adopted a little boy with her partner.
She's a funny, wonderful woman, and a few months ago her partner mentioned that she was going into hospital to have some cysts removed. She went in, came out, seemed to be recovering if a bit pale. Recently I saw her and she said she was 'ok, but a little tired, and had to have another 'bout' on Friday' or something...it almost twigged then, but I had to confirm with another friend that yes, she was talking about something more than a cyst.
It turns out that they found a growth while operating the first time, they 'think' they caught it but she is having intensive chemo etc.
I don't know how she is coping especially as their little boy is now almost 2, and presumably she has waited for a child for a very long time. The whole family must be devastated.
I know nothing about ovarian cancer and don't want to say the wrong thing but am hoping furiously that it is something she has a chance of beating.
Can anyone give me any hints, especially on what to say, or not say (so far I've been treating her as someone healthy because I didn't know) also if there might be anything I can do to help, what to say to her partner if I see him etc.
I'd appreciate any help

Thankyou.

anyone about?

I'm not sure if I can be much help but didn't want to leave your thread unanswered.

My understanding of ovarian cancer is that usually it isn't diagnosed until the later stages because the symptoms don't tend to be recognised until that point. As a result the prognosis is often poor unfortunetly. However it sounds as if there is a chance that it may well have been caught earlier for her so would think that her chances are much better.

With knowing what to say, I don't think there is a right or wrong thing. In my experience some people want & need to talk about it, others want to carry on as if nothing is happening. I think you should take her lead from her, it becomes apparent very quickly how they want to handle it.

I would also say to her partner when you see him that you are very to hear what they are going through and offer to help if they need you and to emphasise that you really do mean it, as I think sometimes they think people are just going through the motions offering help.

I will keep my fingers crossed that things go well for her.

Again, I didn't want to ignore your post, but I don't know too much about this either - hopefully someone else more knowledgable will be along too.

I agree with the other post - you need to take your lead from her as she hasn't told you herself that she has this condition.

My Mum was diagnosed with breast cancer earlier this year, and she didn't want people to know so only told very close family. She told me this was because she wasn't sure how the treatment was going to go (she had surgery and radiotherapy recently and is recovering well) and she didn't want 'strangers' bothering her all the time asking how she was. She considered it a private matter.

I know that others might feel very differently, especially in your friends case where she may well be in need of very practical help. If you feel very strongly, and your friend's partner told you initially, the way frowards might be to briach the subject with him. He'll then give you an indication of how private or open this is, and whether they need any help.

Good luck, and best wishes to your friend

Hi SB my sister had ovarian cancer and unfortuantely died. It is a nasty disease which in my sister's case had devastating consequences. She liked to talk about it especially the treatment and what it involved. She was almost obsessed but looking back in reality that is all she had to talk about and focus on. I would say take the lead from your friend as to how she wants to play it. I have two friends at the moment both the same age with the same age kids of the same sex. They have both been given poor outcomes for their cancers. I am just taking their lead and talking if they want to. It is very hard to know what to talk about.
XX

www.ovacome.org.uk is the UK based website of Ovacome which is a charity supporting women with ovarian cancer.

I would suggest reading the contents of this website.

Thanks, all of you. I will go and read as suggested. I don't know what to offer in terms of help, maybe to have their little boy sometimes? I am single with a 12 week old and a four year old just starting school, so everything is hectic and it might be tricky to do that...however I need to think round it as it might be just what they need.
He is such a lovely little boy. I can hardly bear to think about the tragedy of losing his fantastic mummy when they only just got to know each other
Good incentive to get myself organised so I can actually be useful to someone who needs it.
Thanks again for all the helpful information and I am so sorry to all of you who have lost someone dear.