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General health

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Original poster

worried about friend's weight loss, please help.

12 replies

iron · 05/09/2007 13:15

A friend of mine has lost a lot of weight recently, to the point where her face shape has altered, and she is now very slim to the point of skinny. She spent a very long time in the loo when we ate out together the other week, so much so that DP commented on it. I am beginning to wonder whether she is bulimic. Should I say something to her or her partner? I want to support her in any way I can, not put her back up?

TIA

OP posts:

flightattendant · 05/09/2007 13:18

Only if she mentions it first. If she has a probelm she will need you to be as normal around her as possible, IME...

flightattendant · 05/09/2007 13:18

It must be very hard for you seeing her like this

KaySamuels · 05/09/2007 13:20

She may be bulimic, or abusing laxatives, or she may be ill or under stress and not told anyone. Why not call her and ask how she is generally, let her know you are there for her. It must be hard to see, but I would try and find out a little more first before you talk directly about her weight.

Original poster

iron · 05/09/2007 13:20

thanks flight attendant. Yes, I am worried about her, but do not want to talk about it to our RL friends in case I am wrong iyswim.

OP posts:

Original poster

iron · 05/09/2007 13:22

thanks Kay too. watery

OP posts:

flightattendant · 05/09/2007 13:24

It doesn't sound as though there is much doubt something is wrong. But you have the right idea about not broaching it with her. I hated it when I began on the slippery slope with anorexia, and anyone commented. Worse still was having people look at me differently or avoid me. I just was myself in a thin body.

flightattendant · 05/09/2007 13:27

Although she may be afraid of burdening you iyswim...you could try mentioning it in a very light way, during conversation...'are you ok, though, you've been looking pretty thin' or something, and if she picks it up, talk to her...

Original poster

iron · 05/09/2007 13:27

was there anything that would have helped you FA? sorry if that is a bit personal. I just want to be there for her in an appropriate way.

OP posts:

KaySamuels · 05/09/2007 13:27

I agree with flightattendant, either way she is not going to feel comfortable talking about it, I would just keep in regular contact with her, and really let her know you are there for her. You sound like a really good friend, so I would carry on as you are.

Original poster

iron · 05/09/2007 13:28

ah, was perhaos thinking of a very light how are you doing kind of opener

OP posts:

flightattendant · 05/09/2007 13:31

It's fine, Iron...this is going back a few years.
Just having a friend who knew about it but didn't try and change me. I had a few 'determined' friends who though sweet and kind, kept making suggestions, ideas about how to make myself eat, etc. which mde me avoid them. You could be the most helpful just by being around and not giving a stuff how she is choosing to manage her body/eating...if she has the energy to do 'normal' things where it isn't an issue, do them together...let her talk if it helps but don't try to change her.
Only she can do that and she will take longer the more people interfere.
If she can talk about the emotional stuff/stress behind it, that's great.

Good luck! x

BadKitten · 05/09/2007 14:37

I think just a very light gentle 'are you ok at the moment, you seem to have lost a bit of weight' in a quiet private moment is ok. It shows you care without adding pressure.I wouldn't then make further comments re her weight or eating habits as it just adds to the stress which can exacerbate any problem.

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