Totally panicking.....sorry - a bit long.....

[Amandella]

For the past 3 days or so, I've suffered intermittant dull/moderate pains in my right side - usually just below the ribs (gall bladder area?), sometimes a little lower. I've had the occasional bout of nausea which is relieved by taking antacids. It's a bit sore to the touch but nothing too much and it's not particularly comfortable when I lie on that side, but not enough to stop me doing so, or sleeping.
I'm a bit of a hypochondriac - I have a lengthy history of imagined ailments, ranging from every form of cancer to brain tumours. About 3 years ago, I had similar stomach pains, and I had blood tests, X-rays and ultrasound - all results normal and magically the symptoms disappeared. Also, when I had my "I've got a brain tumour" scare (ie terrible headaches)- as soon as I had a clear MRI scan, the headaches disappeared. I once made my husband drive me to my doctor's house to check a spot on my thigh which I was convinced was malignant - which of course it wasn't. As you can see, I have significant anxiety issues - and regular IBS type syptoms which are way worse when I'm under pressure. I seem to have done a reasonable job of hiding my insecurities from everyone apart from my closest family.

A friend of mine has been in hospital for 7 weeks with pneumonia to start with, followed by them finding large cyst in her stomach - which they thought was cancer. It turned out to be benign but it was a terrible time for her and her family and i feel I've lived through the ups and downs with them. Obviously I wonder if it's a coincidence that I've suddenly got these symptoms?! I'm also under a huge amount of pressure right now - I have exams to do and a new job starting shortly along with some marital problems with my dh. We have 2 kids also which means summer has been long and hard for me.

I tried to take a rational view of my latest symptoms - but made the mistake of posting on a site for hypochondriacs hoping for support. The response i received has blown me - and that is that I need to go the gp straight away, that it could be serious, that for once this is probably not in my mind. They said it couldn't possibly be anything related to my IBS as it was right sided pain and unlikely to be in my mind because it is on the right. As soon as I read the response, I felt sick to my stomach, I dialled the gp (who will no doubt be unsurprised to see me AGAIN) and my pains are worse than ever...

I'm sorry - this is so lengthy. I'm not sure what I expect really other than some positive support rather than total scaremongering. I can scare myself quite easily without others help!! Obviously I realise this could be something serious, but surely it could also be something not so serious?!? I have two young children and a husband who would be absolutely useless at looking after them if I ended up in hospital ...or worse.. and this has always been my biggest fear. I'm thinking of not going to the gp at all - and just putting up with the discomfort.

Sorry, I've gone on and on but I need help....
Thanks for reading this far.

Hi Amandella,

I have absolutely no medical qualifications but it seems to me you've had a bit of a tough time recently and the pains could easily be stressed related- especially as the other symptoms you've suffered previously have been made worse by worry about what they might be.

I have had several medical scares myself in the last year or so, and know exactly how symptoms can seem much worse while you're waiting for test results, then seem to magically evaporate when you've been given the all clear.

I think you're right to get yourself checked out- it's what your GP gets paid for, after all(!)- but don't worry too much. There are so many small ailments it could be.

Thank you very much.... I know you are right - I do need to see the gp, but I feel such a fraud to be honest and also, I suppose I'm just really scared that this time, I could actually have a real problem.
I am at my wits end...

I can be a bit of a hypochoriac too. I have emetophobia (a phobia of throwing up) and if I hear that someone has been sick I immediatly get nausea, stomach pains etc. They are so real to me but over time I have come to realise that 9 times out of 10 (or more) it is just psychosomatic. It is amazing what your body can feel thanks to your mind.

Look at the placebo effect if you want proof of how powerful the mind/body connection is. Study after study has shown that if people beleive they are being given an effective drug they will improve even when it is a fake. Patients recovering from surgery will have less swelling, lower BP all sorts - just because their brains are fooled into thinking they are being treated.

I find the best thing is too stay away from other hypohondriacs as they will feed your fears and it is not healthy.

I am not a doctor and of course I cannot tell you that your symptoms aren't real but it sounds like there is a good chance they are to do with your stress levels rather than a serious physical cause.

I hope you feel better soon.

Amandella, I think it's very brave of you to admit here that you have these anxiety problems around illness. I think everyone gets them, maybe not on such a large scale or so frequent, but I too worried as a teenager that I had every type of cancer. I never went to a doctor, but the headaches disappeared when I finished my exams and so did the anxiety, so the anxiety and pain were linked OR the stress of exams was linked to the pain. I nearly died from pneumonia and then got depressed and mentally ill, partly due to that experience, and since that I have had small niggles that it might happen again, even though I have now been vaccinated against pneumonia.

It's a very real feeling to be scared of being seriously ill, especially when you think about what you would leave behind. And the feelings you get when you feel anxious, would tie in with nausea and random pains. Even so, maybe you could talk to your GP. After all hypochondria, though stigmatised, is actually a form of mental illness linked to anxiety, as you point out. Your GP will understand why you keep going back to him/her if you explain how you are feeling, like you have done here. I very much doubt they would cast your fears aside and take no notice of you, but if they did, it's OK for them with their 5 years at med school and their postgrad medical training! They know if they are really ill or if it is linked to anxiety.

So go and see your GP and forget what he or she thinks. Not trying to say there is something wrong with you, but being told there isn't will help the pain go away if it is anxiety.

Hi Amandella,

I'm thinking of you today so thought I'd write and find out how you're getting on. Did you decide to go to your GP?

I prefer the term of suffering with "Health Anxiety" rather than Hypocondria.There are lots of us that have preoccupied thoughts of dying from some horrendous untreatable condition.In the past 10 yrs or more I have "had" every form of cancer,several heart attacks and strokes etc.One good tip I can offer is stay AWAY from googling symptoms..its like opening pandoras box.I hope your GP was helpful and reassuring,thoughts.

I'm embarrassed to admit this - I cancelled my gp appointment. I woke up this morning determined to "be better" and somehow managed to persuade myself that I haven't got any stomach pains and rang the gp at 9am to cancel - but I rearranged it for Friday morning because I do still feel that my stomach or whatever, is not right.
I'm on a roller coaster of emotions - I've been hideously grumpy all day - cancelled all my plans to take kids to park with friends for a picnic. Came back from having a quick coffee with a friend this morning and felt really dizzy when I got back. Immediately went to google my dizziness to see if it's somehow related to whatever life-threatening illness I now have (today I think it's probably liver cancer despite the fact that I don't drink and had a liver function test no more than 2 years ago which was normal).
Actually, I think I'm losing my mind.....

Thanks for responding to my madness...I'm normally a positive person but I feel I'm letting myself and my family down with these thoughts. Whatever happens, I know I need to go the gp and be honest but I'm just not sure I'll have the bottle to admit outright that I think I have health anxiety...I feel such a fool.

Sorry to hear you're still feeling rubbish, but you are not letting anyone down by being concerned about your health. You'd be letting them down if you ignored symptoms and ended up really ill. Getting stressed about being stressed isn't good news though (easy to say, I know!).

I say- give yourself a break, woman! If you want to be a recluse for a few days, go for it- It might be just what you need.

If you're not ready to talk to your GP about health anxiety, then don't. Take it a step at a time- talk to him/ her about the pain first, worry about the rest when you know you're not ill and feel stronger.

Take care of yourself.

Amandella - your story could have been written by me.
I too suffer from health anxiety. I refuse to call it hypochondraism (sp?) as I think it is an anxiety disorder. I am especially worried about cancer (after a neighbour and two colleagues died within a year of eachother) and currently am convinced I have a heart problem (but am suffering from anxiety induced palpitations)

I was diagnosed with depression and health anxiety nearly 3 years ago and put on AD's. I was also given counselling. I came of the AD's 6 months ago and my anxiety is creeping back

I also used to do the make appointments then cancel them at the docs. And when I got really bad I would ask to get emergency appointments or go to the walk-in clinic. I would stop whatever I was doing (no matter how important) to seek medical advice.
Looking back now, I can see how completely irrational it was, but at the time I was utterly convinced I had C and would be dead if not treated that minute.
It is a horrible thing to go through, the anxiety takes over your life, and looking back now, everything during that time was coloured black. It sounds like a cliche but it really was.

When you are ready, talk to a sympathetic GP about your anxiety. They will help you.

Thinking of you.
xx

Hi Amandella

haven't read all the replies so apologies if i'm repeating. You sound very much like me a year ago. After having Ds I developed really severe health anxiety and like you believed I had every kind of illness, particularly cancer. I even had the symptoms you are having now and also had an ultra sound (I was convinced it was liver cancer)

I made endless doctors appointments, some of which I an also cancelled because I thought they would be getting sick of me and think I was making it up. A couple of times the doctors suggested PND but I thought they were wrong my symptoms were far to physical so I was sure there had to be something physically wrong with me. I was certain they were missing something.

I made the terrible mistake of looking up symptoms on google and basically terrified myself and fed the anxiety. I would read a bout liver cancer and then sob because I was certain that it "fit" my symptoms. The belief that I had this terrible disease was so real.

I eventually went back to the doctors again (with th esymptoms your having) and broke down. The doctor was briliant I let it all out and we chatted for ages and I finally began to see that it could be PND and agreed to counselling and AD's ( I took citalapram which apparently quite good for anxiety)

It took me about 2 weeks to brave taking my first tablet because as a hypochondriac you read the possible side effects and convince yourself you are going to get all of them!

I started to feel less anxious about 3 weeks into taking them, but it was a good 7/8 months before I felt like my old self again. I took them for a year and now I'm off them I feel fine.

So my advice to you is go to the doctor, explain your physical symptoms but also be honest about your axiety. They won't just go "Oh must be in her head then we won't worry about any possible illness" They will know if it's something that needs investigating or not. Then you can also look into getting your anxiety treated.

My golden rules for you are DON'T google symptoms!

and

Stay away from the hypochondriac support sites. I went on them and they don't help. There is too much discussion about symptoms and what diseases they could be.

Sorry this was so long