‘Coming Out’ as a person with a disability

[tealcoat]

We keep being told at work to be our ‘authentic selves’.

I have an invisible disability. My authentic self is on shit loads of medication, hurts all the time, often has brain fog and struggles to stand up for long periods of time. I know I’m more than just this but I’ve been going through a difficult patch since Christmas and it’s on my mind a lot.

I’ve been wonder whether I’d be happier if everyone knew, that I wouldn’t have to pretend to be okay. But then I probably would still have to pretend to be okay because you know life goes on. Does anyway have experience with this? Did it help how you felt about yourself?

My manager knows to a point and the people around me know that I have a bad headache sometimes but that’s about it. Sometimes I want to shout it from the roof tops just so people know what I’m dead long with but I’m also pretty worried that it could effect my career advancement if people think I’m not ‘up to’ a challenge.

Any advice welcome.

I came out recently to give myself legal protection from dismissal after I'd made a mistake at work. Fuckers can't touch me now.

I think it depends. I came out with my schizophrenia after I’d reached director level because I didn’t care if I went any higher. I wouldn’t come out unless you are in danger of dismissal or if you’ve climbed as far up the ladder as you want to & don’t care about advancing any higher.

Having a mental illness with such a stigma means if I had come out lower down the ladder, I would have killed my career prospects. Now I have a long list of awards and accomplishments such that I’m viewed like a nutty eccentric professor....

😂 wasn’t quite what I was going for but you make a valid point. Did you notice people acting differently around you after?

@PlanDeRaccordement sorry cross post!

My employer knows but only when it got to a point I couldn’t hide it. They’ve been mostly understanding and in some ways it makes it easier (particularly with anything physical). You know your work best.

Oh and yes I certainly notice I get treated differently now by some and it’s not all good.

@PlanDeRaccordement - How is that possible? (Asking in awe and respect) My depression means I've never held down a job in my life. I work - but for myself so that if it hits me I can just take the knocks without other people being impacted or finding out. It's so exhausting making it all the time. I honestly cannot imagine how you got to be at director level with such a debilitating illness. You have my respect.

@milliefiori I was self employed whilst I was a student and loved it. I could stop when my body needed me to. Now I just soldier on slowly getting worse. I guess that’s something I should work on.

Hats off to you @PlanDeRaccordement for reaching director level with mental health difficulties. That's amazing. I'm seriously impressed

I struggle with both physical and mental health difficulties and also have ADHD (seeking diagnosis).

I didn't tell my employer about any of my mental health difficulties (which I've had since being a teenager) for fear if the effect on my career. And I have covered up my poor organisational skills, time management and working memory.

However a few years ago I started developing first hypothyroidism then Graves' disease. I have felt extremely unwell for long periods including the brain fog you talk mention which is debilitating. I literally could only think at quarter speed and there is no way I could cover this up with work. I had to tell them and my colleagues. Otherwise I don't know what they would have thought of me - worse things that that I was ill. I also had to come clean about depression at that point as I was struggling so much-

My work and colleagues were amazing. Couldn't have been more supportive. If I hadn't have told them I think I may have ended up on a disciplinary. At one point I also started referring to my poor health as a disability. So that I also had the protection that offered which I think is really important when you health starts to seriously impact your performance and attendance.

It also means that I've accessed Access to Work which has led to various support at work.

To me telling wasn't an option. I was so unwell there was no toss up between telling or my carter as I literally wasn't functioning. There have been loads of benefits though and it doesn't seem to have affected the way I am viewed at work. But that likely depends on where you work and what sector. In my last job I doubt the reaction would have been the same.

I had no choice - lost my hearing very suddenly when with colleagues. Doctors first thought it was due to a very serious illness so I was off work & I told them all why.

Hearing loss is severe and permanent.

But I am open about it and have found that many people have lots of questions and that is ok. We have adapted our methods of communicating and I a hearing aid Now and work have put in place some accommodations which help.

Thankyou so much for sharing! Glad to hear people have had positive experiences

If you have a disability your employers are legally obliged to put in place whatever reasonable adjustments they can, which would allow you to do your job and not be at a disadvantage compared with your colleagues.

This duty kicks in as soon as your employer knows you have a disability or could reasonably be expected to know.

It's a tough decision whether to raise it or not because there is still a lot of prejudice but it is worth thinking about.

If you were treated worse because you had asked for reasonable adjustments this would be victimisation which is unlawful.

Your rights are only as good as your ability to enforce them. If you are in a union they should stand up for you. If you are not, consider joining one.

I worry that lots of people at work don’t really know how to deal with things like this. If I ever have to talk about it with my boss then I think we both feel embarrassed, he knows he can’t discriminate but I do wonder what he thinks about it all

@CloudsCanLookLikeSheep what do you mean they can't touch you? Having a disability does offer you certain protections however it doesn't mean that you can do whatever you like and be untouchable.

I know Mlou32! But they can't touch me as easily as before for the mistake I made. Not unless they have given detailed written instructions and checked comprehension as per my agreed adjustments. Which will hopefully stop my boss giving me limited or no guidance then telling me off after when I've not done things exactly the way she would have.

I'm honest about my disabilities (autism adhd plus some other SLD and fibromyalgia) but I'm in research and autism and adhd arent seen as issues in the industry and are actually considered beneficial if well managed as they lend themselves to dedicated and obsessive interest which is needed if your going to spend your days obsessively learning and researching

Oops also forgot to add in my area, luckily theres also a lot of autonomy so long as work is done then they dont really care about your personal issues.

But I have worked in different professions and areas and have found low skilled jobs tend to be the most judging and problematic with disabilities, while the more professional and well regarded a job is the more autonomy you tend to be given and the more they care about ability and results rather then individual disabilities.

But PP made valid point it protects against unfair dismissal related to your disability (as long as your not in probation period.. as I found out once MANY years ago -.- )

Wow. No need for hats off. I was in the closet when I got to my carer peak. I fully believe if I had come out, the stigma and the way people treat and view schizophrenia would have seen me sidelined and then managed out of my job and any other job I may have gotten. Did you know that John Nash who won the Nobel prize has schizophrenia?

When coming out with a disability, it does matter whether it is physical or mental. Mental disabilities have a nasty stigma attached to them as most people do not understand them and there is an attitude that if your mind is not normal, it is therefore broken and you are not quite a human being. You get consigned to a reject heap.

So I’d be really really careful about disclosing any mental disability. I just say this from personal experience.

Not quite the same as a disability, but in my previous job I had a horrendous boss who made my life miserable. As a result, I lost all confidence in my own abilities and now suffer with depression. I told my immediate line manager at work because it was affecting a small part of my job. I've only been in the position six months, so no idea if it'll affect my job prospects, but I felt I had to because otherwise it would continue to eat away at me. My manager was very nice, I think it'll be okay, but there's always that worry, isn't there?

I was diagnosed with arthritis whilst at my work place so it's never been a secret. Most staff know. Fortunately through the tons of medication it is usually under good control with just the odd ache and pain at times, though the steep stairs and the fatigue cause me regular effort. Lots of the staff know though and many will offer to grab something for me rather than me having to go up and down even more, etc. I also had an issue with my heart over the last few years which reached its peak last summer involving an op, and that's still a little in recovery now. Again most staff were aware.

Recently I have had a big flare involving some time off last week, with loads of pain. This week I'm improving after a big injection but not quite there yet - staff knowing has been really helpful and, as a supportive team, they've helped me even before I've mentioned needing to do something or other. I rarely take time off for my arthritis - this was the first time specifically for arthritis pain in the nine years. I normally struggle through but this time couldn't.

We do that for one another as there are others on our staff team with differing medical issues etc and we do try to look out for one another. We have a fantastic supportive team including management. It's great and makes a huge difference.

Mine is a physical thing but mainly invisible unless in a flare up.i don't classify myself as disabled, at home or work, though it is a hidden disability in reality. But medication in spades full ensures it mainly remains at least partially hidden for most of the time.

I work hard and, as said above, it doesn't stop how much I work. Even when off last week I still did some work for other staff - I got them to email me the stuff instead - to make their work lives a little easier on my absence. I try to avoid my 'hidden disability' affecting other colleagues as much as possible. But knowing lots of colleagues are there to willingly assist if I need it is lovely.

But PP made valid point it protects against unfair dismissal related to your disability (as long as your not in probation period.. as I found out once MANY years ago -.- )

You are protected from day 1 of employment and even before, during the recruitment process.

Cant read these all. Too raw. I have two conditions, one physical and ADHD.

I had an OH report for the first as it happened at work (hospital then dx). That is no problem.

Told them about second as it was becoming a challenge.

Although in hindsight it was more of a challenge because they were not doing a thing they should have done from the first assesement.

I also wanted support from access to work (highly recommend). Fyi there is a similar scheme for mental health called able futures- your employer does not need to know.

I got the support, no issues were ever mentioned.

Then I leave and in my reference he disclosed my health condition and mentioned something he never took up with me. It did not say which health condition, but the point was also untrue.

The manager above should have signed it off and I do not know if they saw it.

My manager is a friend which makes it even worse.

I still got the job but its awful. Still not sure what to do.

The problem is I was there a long time so it looks wierd not using them in future for a reference. I'm mid manager too.

Hey @PlanDeRaccordement I hope I didn't offend you I wasn't sure from your post.

I too have mental health difficulties and feel these and my other challenges have really held me back at work. Not because of discrimination but because of the effect they have on me. I was just trying to say that I was very impressed that despite similar difficulties (and I am aware everyone is an individual here) you have managed to be so successful. I think it's a very impressive achievement and I hope that's how my post came across.