Dealing with anxiety when you're on your own

[Pebble21uk]

I get health anxiety anyway and have had some nasty virus since before Christmas - doctor wasn't sure if it was flu (but I didn't have cough etc) but temperature, aches, diarrhea and terrible nausea (I'm on the nausea virus thread too!)

We're 6 weeks in now and after a week or two when I thought it was improving and went back to work, things are now as bad as ever. My anxiety is in overdrive. I'm on Fluoxitine anyway and the doctor has given me some Diazepam to get me through while tests are ongoing. I'm waiting for a CT scan and gastric referral. I can barely eat, I'm on anti nausea tablets and I'm becoming a bit phobic about trying to eat now I think.

My partner is very supportive but works very long hours Monday to Friday. I have friends but they are all working too. My very elderly parents are nearby but both are beyond supporting me in any way now and it's me who has to support them.

I'm dreading another week of being on my own with this. It just makes my anxiety worse. I work part time but I'm off at the moment as symptoms are just too bad. Any suggestions?

You can refer yourself to IAPT for some NHS Cognitive Behavioural Therapy. Good luck.

So sorry to read this. I was diagnosed with invasive ductal carcinoma last week and have been an anxious wreak since. My prognosis is excellent as they have caught it very early, there's a chance I won't even need chemo. My DH is being amazing but has popped to the pub to watch the rugby. I encouraged him to go, but now wishing I hadn't. Being on my own is far from good. But in a way this just proves that it's just our own stupid brains that are generating the fear, nothing else. I've never understood why if our brains can generate anxiety almost on demand, then why can't we make them generate happiness on demand too?

Anyway, I'm here to chat if you need me.

Thank you. I have self-referred before but they just gave me an online course to work through!!!

Hi peaceand dove - sorry, I didn't see your message before I replied to the first one.
Sending for the shock of your diagnosis, that must be very hard to get your head around . And yes, anxiety is a horrible thing and just makes everything ten times worse.
Also hear to chat if it helps... sometimes even just thinking about typing a reply takes the edge off for a few minutes.

And I know Diazepam isn't a long term answer, but I'm sure your doctor would prescribe some for you peace just while you adjust to the news.

I had a scare 2 years ago - first mammogram at age 49, perfectly routine and it picked something up. I had no clue anything was wrong. Had to go through the breast clinic for biopsy etc and was told it was 50/50 it was cancer. Diazepam did help with times of panic then.
Ultimately I was diagnosed with something called a Radial Scar which is a benign lesion - it's still there. They used to remove them, so I have mammograms every year at the moment to keep a check on it! I think with the Breast Clinic everything happens so fast it's very hard for your brain to keep up. It sounds like you have a really excellent dignosis though, so hold on to that x

Hi pebble. I already take 100mg of sertraline a day which is very good with my anxiety. But I will definitely give Diazepam a try if necessary. I'm not that scared of the surgery and treatment. But as my IDC is oestrogen receptive I have had to stop my HRT. The reason I'm on HRT and sertraline is because I was having the most awful peri menopausal mood swings and depression/anxiety. I went through 3 years of Hell before finally funding my miracle cure. And now I have to stop half of my miracle cure! I'm terrified of going back to that black hole I was in before.

I don't actually mind it all happening so quickly, because then it should be finished that more quickly. I want this done!

Do you have anything planned for this week. My friend suffered with anxiety and when it got too bad, and she was on her own, she used to just go and quietly sir in her GP's reception area. They didn't mind and she found it calming.

I'm on Fluoxitine too for peri-menopausal symptoms! We sounds quite similar! My anxiety suddenly leapt up a couple of years ago and along with all the tradional peri symptoms. I didn't go down the HRT route because of the Radial Scar - they seem to be quite rare and not enough is known about them, so I just didn't want to chance it. Peri symptoms are hard to cope with though sometimes. I can't wait for the menopause to be over and done with now! They will be able to medicate for you in other ways though I'm sure - there are anti anxiety meds that can be added in with SSRIs

I like the idea your friend had - I can see how that might work. I have a doctors appt tomorrow anyway, so that will be some of the day taken up and I'm hoping to get referrals done and waiting for a ct scan appt so I'll have to spend some time ont he phone.

I think I'm finding it harder because I've always been close to my mum and she was there for me when my partner couldn't be when I was last really poorly about 10 years ago. But she now has dementia and just isn't the same anymore, so when my partner isn't around it feels like I'm very much on my own and that's when it goes into overdrive.

I hadn't heard of a radial scar so googled it. Seems to be not remotely serious enough for them to do anything about it, but just enough to sit there at the back of your mind. Bloody thing.

My periods went very scant and closer together as I turned 43. Then the awful anxiety and depression hit me out of nowhere. Life was very good so no external reason for it.

I'm glad you have a few things to occupy you tomorrow, feeling productive always helps. I'll be around to chat if you need me.

I'm positive the CT scan won't show anything sinister. It's no wonder you are having nasty bowel issues, as anxiety always effects your guts (I know). Also hormonal fluctuations in peri can play havoc with your bowel. My GP told me this.

Have you considered upping your fluoxetine for a few months until this is all behind you? I'm so sorry to hear about your Mum, I think dementia is an evil disease, it's so cruel.

I am thinking of you x

Thanks peace - and likewise - always here if you want any company.

Yes, they already upped the Fluoxitine - I used to be on 20mg and now upped to 40! Peri menopause seems to have a lot to answer for! I just turned 50 this month and I'm so hoping it's on it's way out now. I seem to get very light periods every 2 weeks at the moment but then have been up to 6 months without one! I never experienced anxiety like this before a couple of years ago.

I hope you'll be able to put everything behind you very soon. One thing the NHS is very good at is cancer care. There may be terrible waiting times for A&E and all manner of things not right due to lack of funding, but from what I have seen and experienced cancer care is excellent. I was told if mine had been cancer not to bother using private insurance that I would get much better care for it on the NHS.

Anyway - hope you can have a relaxed evening if your husband is back from the pub. Thanks for the chat x

Pebble that is too bad that IAPT just gave you an online course. You could go back to them and say this did not work and you now think you need to be stepped up to face to face help.

Staying busy and trying to distract yourself from thoughts about your health, as well as avoiding checking your body for symptoms, avoiding googling and avoiding seeking reassurance are all likely to be helpful.

Have a look at this - I think it's a really good guide:

www.selfhelpguides.ntw.nhs.uk/penninecare/leaflets/selfhelp/Health%20Anxiety.pdf

P.S. Sorry about your mum - so difficult to watch loved ones go through that.

Thanks Egghead68 I will have a proper read, that's helpful, thank you.

I know I have health anxiety and I do try and take positive steps to overcoming it. It's been much worse since I've been in peri-menopause. I think I will also self-refer again when I'm feeling up to it. For now I just have to try and cope in the immediate future... both with the physical gastric symptoms and the anxiety.
Thanks for your replies.

e. I've never understood why if our brains can generate anxiety almost on demand, then why can't we make them generate happiness on demand too?

I heard the 'answer' to this somewhere and thought it made sense.

It's our cave man brain keeping us safe and searches for danger.
It needs you be ready to run away from the sabre tooth tiger.

It's not that bothered about the lovely flower or beautiful sun set.

I found CBT helped immensely

• menopause did not help.

Julia Kristina does some fab free vids on you tube for anxiety.

OP I too have health anxiety. I had a horrible infection pre and post Christmas and still getting over it. I feel very strange a lot of the time and exhausted with my body giving me lots of anxiety inducing symptoms. I'm in a similar position to you but even though I don't feel great I am managing to work PT , some of my days are half days so easier but it really distracts me. I'm forever texting my DH going ' when are you home ?' Have you got any friends in RL that you can call on ?
sorry about your mum . That's very hard .

I managed work (I work part time anyway) for a couple of weeks post Christmas, but was off last week. You're right - it helps in many ways as a good distraction. My problem is days are so long that by the end I was totally exhausted and had a migraine type headache which all just made me feel worse. I'm wondering though if asking to do half days at the moment might help if I can manage it.
My friends all work full-time or weekdays, so nobody is around in the week.

I'll check out the recommended vids, thanks.