My office is moving and I will have to go on public transport to get to it. But I'm TERRIFIED of public transport and actually feel like resigning because I can't overcome my fear....

[Terrified]

I just don't know what to do

A few years ago, on my way back from a night out, I came down with one of those vomiting bugs while I was on a train. Vicious, violent stomach cramps and persistent vomiting. No toilets on the train. I had to get off it as the other passengers were (a) horrified and (b) about to ask the driver to stop so I got off at the next station. It was the last train home.

I stumbled out of the station and no taxi driver would take me because of the vomiting. It was very late at night (after midnight) and I had no-one to call as I was about 45 mins from home. Eventually, a few hours later, after lying in a bus stop until I stopped vomiting, I managed to hail a cab at about 3.30am (he was on his way home) and persuade him to take me home (cost about £40 but I was just so relieved). I think I went through all circles of hell that night.

Have tried to address the fear and can manage short journeys but nothing longer (can only manage journeys where I can potentially walk back - it's related to a fear of being stuck somewhere and unable to get home).

I know I should probably have counselling but I had a brief chat with a friend (counsellor) who said CBT would help but the bottom line is that I have to face my fear and just get used to going on public transport for long journeys. I am so frightened though, that even the thought of it makes me want to be sick which of course, then perpetuates the fear of getting stuck again.

YOu have to face the fear
you need to get help
or get a bike
I can recommend someone in West London -

thanks beetie - the fear is so irrational, I actually did consider a bike till I realised I'd be cycling Olympic distances every day.

West London would be perfect (for the recommendation) - thank you.

Oh poor you! I sympathise because I came down with salmonella on the day I was travelling back from the Czech Republic with my choir - long coach drive to Vienna airport, then a flight, then long coach drive from Stanstead to Leeds, all with the screaming shits.

My dad also has a very similar phobia because he is elderly and has continence issues so I can relate to you a little.

Don't resign your job though. Think of this as the motivation to beat your phobia. Can you try taking longer and longer journeys and build up your exposure? I would definitely sign up for some counselling too. Alternatively, can you afford to get a car? Sorry i don't have much good advice for beating phobias but just wanted you to know that I sympathise.

How horrible for you. Please try CBT. It has a really good success rate for specific problems like this. Yes, you will have to face your fear but it will be worth it.

Get a bike.

thank you so much all for your kind words. I actually feel like sobbing with relief that you haven't all told me I'm pathetic because I FEEL pathetic because I know it is so irrational and I'm letting it rule my life.

What I was thinking of doing was driving for the first few days till I've worked up a bit of courage (it will be v expensive because it's central London so parking + congestion fee). I'm sort of hoping the inconvenience of driving will actually make me go back to public transport iyswim but I could probably do with some counselling!

will find it for you asap

will find it for you asap

and fluffy, HOW did you manage that trip with salmonella, you poor thing!

don't drifve - how long before you move?

See, I love my car and I love to drive. I hate public transport, just because I don't really like people and I don't find it runs on time here .

I'd happily drive everywhere.

You may find you like driving.

But I do like walking and cycling as well, so I'd be prepared to do one of those before using public transport.

another option is to drive nearer and then bus tube it.
do the journy with dh a few times before hand
then do the journey with him 5 mins ahead of you
then do it alone

well, possibly as early as the middle of next week - have been sticking my head in the sand unfortunately

expat - that is not an option in London

Cycling is, though, Beety.

Would you consider cycling, Terrified?

Another option is a motorbike. Two friends of mine sat their motorbike licenses so they can drive in London.

I don't know much about phobias but would you be able to gradually build up to longer journeys with someone else there and the number of a taxi firm, so you know that you can get back if you got stuck and you have someone to help you, and then build up to eventually doing it on your own?

it's too far to cycle otherwise I would. It's approximately a 40 minute train journey .

yes, I can see the building up way would work. I have actually suffered from this problem once before and completely overcome it (to the extent that I took a job where travelling on public transport was a main part of it) but the big difference now is time.

I have so little time on my own without the children that I just cannot seem to manage to do that gentle building up process that I did before. Also, where I am is VERY busy and beforehand, I managed to start at quiet times but the only times I have without the children happen to coincide with rush hour and I think I would be shooting myself in the foot if I started there iyswim.

oh terrified, i feel for you.

TBH i am the other way round - i am not exactly comfortable behind the wheel, esoecially on my own.

what might work is graded exposure - ie, today, go to the station, check fares and times, bus routes etc.
the next day, perhaps take part of the journey with a friend eg
go two stops, outside of rush hour, get a coffee, come back.
then two stops alone
then whole journey with a friend
then whole journey alone, outside of rush hour.

or something like that.

you might feel more comfortable on buses - the air is fresher, you're more likely to get a seat, you can see where you're going, you can ask the driver to stop if really necessary. buses have got so much better recently in london, with more bus lanes, and th c-charge. i commute into the City by bus, and i can help you plan a route if you like .

x-posted. iwouldgoouttonight!

this weekend you need to do a few stops and build it up.
You might find that there is a cheap parking place just outside the congestion zone that you could use for a while and then move further and further away.

are buses better? could you do short train then bus?

I know the feeling, I have been there!!

give her a call and see if she can help. If not she can recommend.

thanks everyone

unfortunately (and I'm really not making this up to feed the fear ), I get genuinely travel sick on buses - I need to be able to see where I'm going out the front (iyswim) and find the top deck too high up for that to work. Can manage short distances on buses.

I will probably drive the whole way at first while I sort out the counselling. It's just SUCH A PAIN and I wish I could just flick a switch in my head and stop all this nonsense. Aaaaaarrghhhhhh.

Thanks for the recommendation beety.

get a moped - cbt not expensive to take and the insurance not expensive. They are cheaper to run than public transport if you will be using it every day. You can pick up a decent helmet for £50 - and Argos sell mopeds!

have you thought of getting a scooter? So many more of these in London now due to CC.

Or maybe drive in a certain distance, park up and then cycle. I see lots of people doing this on my way to work. Sustrans website might be able to help with routes etc.