Cancer support thread #72 - come in, we're here for you

[Bloodybridget]

Welcome to the new support thread for anyone who has cancer, at whatever stage of treatment, is worried about symptoms, or is waiting for tests or results.

This is the place to worry, moan, ask questions, share experiences and good and bad news, and celebrate milestones!

If you've got a loved one with cancer then your best place for support is probably on the Life-Limiting Illness board.

Our previous thread is here

Current members, please do introduce yourselves

nellyselephant - I went to the doctor and got anti-anxiety meds (sertraline, which you need to take for a month before it starts to work properly, and buspirone, which is faster acting). I couldn't function and just fell to pieces, and they have really, really helped. I do feel a bit weird, as if I'm watching it all happen to someone else and feel a bit detached, but that's preferable short term to how I was feeling before).

Had my clip put in today - thought it would be a quick appointment, sadly not. They forgot to do a mammogram after putting the first clip in last time, so I had to have a mammogram then the clip in, then another mammogram. My poor boob is black now and really hurting! Also, the consultant was training another doctor - I'm happy to support training, but when it was really painful, and I saw the look of concern an the consultant's face as she reached over me to stop the other doctor, I must admit I cried and asked the consultant to take over. Felt really bad for the trainee doctor, but it really bloody hurt - and when the consultant took over it was pain free.

MRI scan tomorrow, then oncologist on Monday. Feeling anxious, but am really appreciative of all of the help and support here. You're all so lovely!

Zorgothslugofdoom That sounds so distressing for you today. I hope it settles down and you get some rest .

nellesephalent it is really early days for you. I don't thin there was much humour or wit for any one us in those early days. You are going through this on top of your DH's cancer. It is a lot to cope with, no wonder you are shocked and anxious.

Zorg that sounds horrendous. I know doctors have to learn but that shouldn't have to mean putting you through unnecessary pain. Thank goodness the consultant took over. Hopefully that trainee will be helped to see what they were doing wrong before they are let loose on another patient. It is all more than enough to cope with without unnecessary pain.

To be honest nelly I think anyone who says that has probably never been through cancer diagnosis....or they're made of much stronger stuff than me.
The best I could manage.....and I've done this 3 times now...was barely controlled panic.
The thing that messes with your head is the coin flip thing between "I'm going to die next week" and "there is nothing wrong with me and this is all a ridiculous mistake". Until that's resolved by actually knowing the wait can feel pretty unbearable at times. I guess keeping busy can help, some people get something from the doc to help with sleep, as the small hours can be esoecially hard, but it's likely to be tough until you know one way or the other.
The best I can say is that most breast lumps and bumps turn out to be nothing sinister. Where it's more serious, there is effective treatment. It might not be pleasant or what you want to be doing, but it's there and you will get what you need for the best outcome.
And without wishing to enter Facebook meme territory, there are positives to be taken from any situation. I've learnt so much about myself, other people and what's important through these experiences. Still would rather not have had the bastard cancer though.

Thanks so much WTF99. This time tomorrow I should know more and will either be happy or in bits. I am upset because initially I was given the impression it was all okay (ish) and now the blasted CAD (computer AI imaging) suggests it's not or at least has highlighted it as an area to look at again.

nelly apols if it's your dh saying assume the best until you know ....clearly he's very versed in this situation. But I couldn't do that.....I was a crying mess....

zorgo poor you.....sounds horrible. Will be thinking of you at your appointment tomorrow.

nelly i really hope you're happy tomorrow but if it's not good news, yes you will be in bits for a while....unfortunately I think that's inescapable....but then you put the bits back together and get on with it......and one way or another it's kind of ok.
Thinking back, my breast care nurse was the person who stopped me from completely losing my shit when I was where you are now.....she's been with me all the way through and I think probably does qualify as an angel.

And nelly feel free to be as self pitying as you want...it's a horrible situation that no-one would choose to be in. You will get through it though

Thanks WTF99. Really appreciated.

Evening all! Everyone coming down the pub tonight?
Catnidge well done for going for a walk despite dire rear and sore bum - hope your eye clears up! Knitting a rabbit sounds very difficult to me!
Brassica from your link it seems aphantasia is when you can't picture people's faces even when you know them; I can do that, although not always very clearly. What I can't do is imagine what people I have never met look like. I don't know if there's a name for that. Like meercat, I am a raving beauty !
WTF glad you went to GP and got ABs and unguents, anything that helps! Re diaries/journals, I have always just written about what's going on for me, sometimes trying to work out some difficult issue, sometimes just about daily life. The last 20 years since I got together with DP have been the calmest and happiest of my life and I've written a lot less! But documenting this illness, the earliest investigations, the various appointments, hospital admissions, how DP and I have talked, emotional ups and downs - and also the good times we've had, days out etc., - is really important to me. Partly to help me get things off my chest now, and also so that in the future I can look back and see what was happening, because I know I will forget a lot of it.
And what you said about finding some positives in the experience - I have; one that DP and I have discovered we love each other more than we knew, and have expressed affection and appreciation, verbally and physically, much more than we used to; and also the support we have had from family, friends and neighbours has been amazing and so moving.
iputthescrew I'm so very pleased to hear that they think you probably don't have cancer and hope the scan and biopsy confirm that! Glad you have had such good support here too!
nellysephalent I think everyone reacts differently in early stages of investigations, some of us probably stay more in the "this can't really be too bad, whatever's going on will be treatable" zone, whereas others will be more panicky and expecting the worst. I guess I'm trying to take each stage as it comes, I worry about how I'm feeling at the moment, if I'm coping with infections or horrible side effects, and what the next chemo will throw at me, but I'm putting off worrying about possible recurrence until after treatment is finished - hopefully I will be able to just enjoy feeling well by, say, late November!
Ellen glad you have new dressings and I do hope the sore places start to improve soon.
Trumpton you poor thing, just snuggle down in bed and take it easy.
Zorgoth sorry you had such a horrible time today. At least the MRI should be easy peasy!

I am a bit fed up as still coughing and sneezing and so tired! Slept a lot today. Temperature normal though so I guess it's just being so wiped out from chemo, I have nothing left to get me through a cold.

@ellenanora5 how is the armpit today? It must be hard to go back for more when still so sore.

@nellysephalent was your mammogram a routine screening or did your GP refer you? I think most NHS breast clinics work in a similar way in that it's a one stop shop but with private it might be less joined up?Either way you should know something concrete tomorrow as they will usually have a good idea from the scan before the biopsy result comes back.

zorgo I hope someone is going with you for the MRI tomorrow. MRI's are not painful but can leave you a bit shaky.

I am dizzy again. Seems to be my thing so far. It was my only hospital free day today. Back again tomorrow for Macmillan scarf tying session and wig clinic

Hello- do you mind if I join you? Mine’s a glass of port! I’ve been lurking here for a couple of weeks since a diagnosis of cervical cancer... I had to drop into the thread to say I feel exactly as WTF described above... veering between worst case scenario and feeling like a total fraud! If I could have held back from telling anyone I would, but am expecting to have a hysterectomy at short notice which will mean quite a long recovery period.

Thank you all so much for this thread, it’s really helped me navigate through the past week of tests and scans.

I hope all you who are feeling rotten from treatment etc start to feel better soon 💐

Hello and welcome, Yoshimi, so sorry you have the diagnosis. Were the investigations triggered by an abnormal smear test? I had a radical hysterectomy for ovarian cancer in late May; happy to answer any questions you might have.

Bridget me too with those same positives.
I'm gonna find a nice book to write in over the weekend.
Hope you feel better soon. My tank is pretty much empty now and I'm coasting to the finish line of this last chemo cycle hoping I've got enough momentum to get to the end.
I've got a rads planning appt tomorrow and have to leave at 8.30 to get there which is gonna be a challenge. Fortunately my lovely friend is driving me. I'm cosy by the fire in the Patience snug now.....can someone chuck a blanket over me please....better get some kip.
yoshimi glad you've found the thread useful. Stick around.
Night all.

Popping into the Patience for some (real) tea and toast as I fell asleep into bed at 10pm but am wide awake now and feeling a bit sick.
Hello Yoshimi sorry to hear about the diagnosis but glad this thread has helped. Tell us more about yourself if you feel able. Do you have people who can help you once you are home from surgery? One or two on here have had radical hysterectomy and it's a big op.
WTF good ,luck with the rads appointment, it seems very soon after your last chemo. There is nothing nicer than writing in a beautiful notebook.
Hope @Bloodybridget is sleeping without coughing tonight.

I'm hoping you are fast asleep in bed Bridget seeing as you aren't loading here.

Good luck today nelly, I will keep everything crossed that you will be back with good news and The Patience regulars can send you on your way with a toast. You made an interesting comment about people here dealing with things with humour, I think it's gallows humour tbh. I have been thinking about my last psychologist appointment, I had posted here about how I hadn't found it helpful, but thinking about it I basically did a stand up comedian routine for 50 minutes (including telling her a totally Inappropriate story about how DH's belly button spiral piercing had got caught in my belly button ring while we were dtd). I have realised that black humour is my coping mechanism but I'm not sure how healthy that is.

Morning (is it? ) snows. I seem to be doing a night shift. I don't know whether black humour is healthy but if it helps you cope then it can't be all bad. People who do very traumatic jobs often seem to use it. Have you decided whether to persevere with the psychotherapy?
I've cracked and had an anti sickness pill so should be out like a light soon.

Mornin’ peeps. Budge up I could do with a non alcoholic cold drink
Black humour all the way here. I bought a bracelet with a coin on it but couldn’t get my birth year . A friend admired it and laughing said it was her year .
“ oh have it “ I said
“No No “ she protested
“ oh please take it , I am not happy cos it’s the wrong date and I would love you to have it “
“Oh thank you , if you are sure “
“Yes “ leaning in close to here and whispering
“ It will save me remembering to leave it to you in my will “
Her, recoiling in horror and laughing “You beast !”

Readers, she tracked down a similar bracelet with my birth year on it for me .

That’s what makes this whole shitty experience bearable . Love.

Hello to all wakeful regulars at the Patience! I didn't get up till 3.30 this morning and wasn't coughing as much. Just had tea and a toasted teacake, very nice.
Skap hope the anti-sickness pill did its work and that you are snoozing away again now.
Snows did the shrink laugh when you told her about the piercing tangle (like me) or did she do a serious faced head tilt ? I reckon any humour is part of how we cope, as long as we don't just use it to avoid talking about how we're really feeling, or to try and put other people at ease. How are you doing now?

Oh Trumpton we were posting at exactly the same time! Brilliant example of gallows humour there! What do you fancy to drink, sparkling water, lemonade? Seems a bit chilly for this hour of the morning. Is is raining chez toi?

Yup we are awash here ! Raining hard again .
I am not good at drinking enough so trying to make myself drink more but am having a dry month to try to prepare my poor battered body for the next onslaught .
Dr asked if I had lost any weight yesterday and I said a bit and she patted my tummy and said don’t lose too much we need fat bellies for reconstruction ! I love my dr !

Morning all. Wanders in to the Patience. Makes Trumpton a full English,, (hoping she's not vegetarian) to bolster her reconstruction reserves.

Lots to read through. Going to drink tea in bed whilst reading.

I love a full English . I hope there is black pudding ! Ooh yes and mushrooms !
We are going to Cornwall at the end of the month ( calling in to see plastic surgeon at Wythenshaw on the way ) and the hotel does the most amazing breakfasts !
When you have been at ceilidhs all the previous night you need to stoke up !

nelly I went to the Dr and got sleeping tablets, knowing I had them helped me feel calmer. I think early days suck as you don't have a plan. You get lots of well meaning platitudes meant to reassure but inside you're thinking oh shit...!

zorg hope the boob is less painful today. Good luck with the mri today.

Hi yoshimi I had everything out, straight into surgical menopause hysterectomy a week ago
Sorry to hear your news. Feel free to ask questions or drop in for a chat

wtf I'm guessing you are up and getting ready for your planning appointment. Pleased to see you have a friend going with you.

skap hope the scarf tying and wig donning session does provide you with lots of great tips and some lighter moments.

Hope the cough continues to improve bridget

The knitted bunny kit isn't going too well. In fact I appear to have knitted a grey raggedy cancer cell!
I reckon there is a market for this. People could give it a good kicking, burn it, throw it etc!

My other entrepreneurial plan after watching meercats compression sticking tutorial is compression stockings with coloured heels. Would make it so much easier to work out the bit you're meant to pull through.
I did manage to get mine on by myself this way yesterday.

After our talk of being unable to visualise faces, I am able to visualise the clash of the tummy piercings

Good morning to anyone I've missed and yay it's Friday!

Nelly thinking of you today and hoping for the very best possible news.

WTF hope your planning meeting goes well. I got loads of really useful information at mine about how to care for my skin during treatment.

I have a lovely peaceful day at home today waiting for the dishwasher repair man to come. It has already been three weeks without a dishwasher. Thankfully my lovely DH has taken on all of the dish washing duties (and most of the cooking since treatment started) but it will be good to get it fixed.

Whatever you are all doing today I hope it goes well for you.