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Panic attacks when trying to sleep

11 replies

Lizbiz89 · 07/09/2019 10:05

Could anyone help with the above? I've just found out an acquaintance is dying of cancer. It's causing me to have these terrible night time panic attacks when I'm trying to sleep. I've got 2 children under 3 to look after so it's making physically and mentally exhausted. I feel so awful for this girl and keep being absolutely petrified it's going to happen to me. Does anyone have any advice? Thank you.

OP posts:
Mabelface · 07/09/2019 10:24

Yes. Go and speak to your gp about your anxiety. They can help.

AppleHEAD · 07/09/2019 10:34

Try to ground yourself back to reality to get yourself under control. Think of 5 things you can feel, 5 things you can hear, five things you can smell and when you've done that then do it again.
Then try when your awake to think of practical things you can do to help this friend. Maybe make some food, do some gardening or shopping. Just try to get to grips with how this awful news is making you feel and with that rationalize how you can help.
There are lots of websites with help about dealing with panic attacks. Make an appointment with your GP if nothing is working.
But you need to process the thoughts which are triggering the anxiety.

Lizbiz89 · 07/09/2019 11:13

Thanks for the replies. @AppleHEAD this isn't really a close friend. She's my dh's friends wife. I don't know her that well but she's in her early 30s like me so it's just really hit me hard. I keep thinking about how she must thinking and feeling. Plus my youngest is only 4 months so I think I might also have some pp anxiety. Just strange that it only happens at night. In the day I'm ok, then as soon as the light goes out at night I start getting extremely anxious. I will try to do the 5 senses thing you have mentioned though.

OP posts:
Oldmum55 · 07/09/2019 19:13

Yes my anxiety too is really bad at night so much that it disrupts my sleep. I guess during the day we are busy and this helps but during the night all sort of thoughts keep going round in our heads. Have you tried herbal remedies for anxiety and stress taken before going to bed? I find they help.

OrangeJustice · 07/09/2019 21:12

Go and see your GP if you can.

I have anxiety - had a thread the other night when I couldn’t sleep - and find concentrating on breathing helps. I breathe in to the count of four, hold for four, then breathe out to the count of eight. Really helps slow me down. Also all the things AppleHEAD suggested.

It’s miserable Flowers

Cocobean30 · 08/09/2019 10:24

Maybe you should see a counsellor to talk through your thoughts and emotions, you are having panic attacks as the feeling are repressed. I have posted this recently on another forum but may help you sleep as I also have panic attacks while trying to sleep sometimes:

At night listen to videos on YouTube, this will help as they talk you down and help you rationalise your negative thoughts. I listen to some on bad nights and they help me fall asleep when I have a panic attack. You can search ‘detachment from overthinking/anxiety’ etc.

Try to compartmentalise your thoughts and give yourself specific time to think about a specific problem, then file the thought away. However it sounds like you’re having a running commentary of negative thoughts and worries that aren’t actually going to happen or are just catastrophic thoughts. Remind yourself these aren’t real things happening.

Also writing down your thoughts is surprisingly helpful as subconsciously your brain feels you have addressed the thought and ‘expelled’ it. Just keep a notebook and write down the worries one by one. After this I tend to write down the opposite of the negative thought as well to try and retrain your brain. Imagine your loved one has come to you with these negative thoughts and you are giving them a positive twist/ outcome on what they are saying (be kind to yourself as you wouldn’t reiterate negative things to someone you care about)

swingofthings · 08/09/2019 14:00

It's totally normal to feel this way. An acquaintance of mine who I met as we were both single and our kids were in the same class passed away suddenly from brain cancer living her daughter an orphan as her husband had died a few years earlier.

Thankfully looked after by grand-parents and is now doing very well, but it was extremely traumatic for all who knew her then.

Many parents especially single experienced what you are going through. It will go and you will then feel a sense of gratefulness that will make you appreciate each minute with your children.

Do remember that however awful it is, it is very very rare.

FAQs · 08/09/2019 15:26

You could also try some night time meditation podcasts or techniques, youtube has loads

Kfluf · 08/09/2019 19:07

Def go to your GP and ask if there is any coucilling available, probably not but it is worth having lodged on your record that you are obviously struggling with anxiety that is more than norm. Then if anything in the future was to happen it to get worse, the record is there. Mental health services are useless - not only useless, but heart hearted and denigrating - and I would advise staying away from secondary mental health services if at all possible, but there are some services available through primary care. Just, from bitter experience, avoid trying to tackle the problem with meds, they might provide short term relief but even the more benign ones will lead you down a road of mental fog that might not be apparent in the short term but will be a hindrance and a trap in the long run.

I think that appleHEAD has given you the best advice, both from the point if view of dealing with it in th moment and rooting it out so that it doesn't re occur - you need to process the things that are causing the anxiety. At least you are fairly sure if the cause - the reminder of mortality. The thing that strikes me most is that the fear largely stems from what would happen to those you leave behind. Find ways to reassure yourself that there are security nets in place, such as friends and family, that would rally round should worse come to worse. Plus that worst is unlikely to come to worst. Consciously think this through to yourself, and consciously think through how it can be mitigated.

And, it will probably pass. Keep the little pit of strength that we all gave inside us ploughing on through until such a time as things are easier, it can be done.
Keep the appreciation of life, keep planning ahead and appreciating the present, and just be mindful of finding ways to put little safety nets in place should worse come to worse - ie who would take care of your children, talk it through with those involved.
As for sleep, I have 2 tricks that doesn't seem to fit with the normal advice but works for me, not always but often. Relaxation techniques etc. do not work for me - that us when the pounding heart, hot sweats and racing thoughts and restlessness will drive through me.

Anxiety is your body's way of trying to get you alert and up and rolling to deal with problems

  • so get up, if it comes, and use the moment to do some problem solving, if you can. Even if you dont get any really useful conclusion from it, the fact that you have put some effort in towards at least trying, ,might settle your subconscious enough that the matter is in hand, as it were. Roll with the anxieties attempt to raise hyper alert chemicals in your body and try yo put it to good use This isnt always possible, especially when one is dead tired and too mushed to think well at all. You need to recognise when you are just not thinking clearly. So the second trick, which I use every night to get to sleep, with more frequent success than not, which is a miracle after over a year of severe insomnia, is to use the heightened state of anxiety to attempt to hone one's powers of focus. Instead of trying to relax, I try to see the heightening of anxiety as an energy to harness to use to focus my mind, and so I use that to focus really hard on blanking my mind, or focussing on the word 'sleep' pictured in my mind. It isnt easy and does not always work and is quite a knack to get, takes some practice, but it certainly works better than trying relaxation per se. I have also found that really tensing my diaphragm and core muscles at the bottom of each breathe gives me a sense of having guts and inner pit of strength to deal with shit, that tension actually helps the rest of me, more outer muscles, to loose tension and let me free of some of the physical symptoms of anxiety and often gets me a better nights sleep

Might be a load of bollocks, but might help, hope it does!

YesQueen · 08/09/2019 19:10

My panic attacks used to be really bad at night, few things that helped
Sleep spray - I like the feather and down one
Warm bath before bed with magnesium flakes
Night light. Just a tiny wall plug in one
Keep your feet warm, it's much harder to sleep if they're cold
Something to cuddle (pillow/soft toy)
If you can't sleep, get up and have a hot drink and a piece of toast and then go back to bed, seems to help reset me
If all else fails then something mind numbing like reading or (I know they say no screens but desperate measures!) candy crush, favourite film etc

Lizbiz89 · 14/09/2019 22:57

Thanks for the replies everyone. I've been trying to follow all of your advice. I have been sleeping better and my anxiety as dulled down slightly. I've also been taking some melatonin occasionally just to get myself in the right mood to sleep. Hopefully it gets better soon and if it doesn't I'll contact my GP. I do think I've got some postpartum anxiety as well which isn't helping. But thank you to everyone who has taken the time to reply. X

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