What can I do to get my family ready to support me being ill?

[RainbowRobot]

No previous health anxiety but a few things lead me to suspect I'm going to be quite ill.

Had a full day in hospital on Monday, 7am to 7.15pm. DH is totally unable to appreciate that at the end of the day, I need to eat and perhaps talk about what is going on.

How can I talk to DH about getting a grip of the 'for worse' and 'sickness' bits ahead. He's really not getting it at the moment.

Have two DDs 14 & 12 - have laid some good foundations but a lot of room for improvement!

@Fleetheart
It’s not cruel, OP is so worried but didn’t bother going until it suited her? Her posts scream of attention seeking, nobody but herself is in a panic, no diagnosis no need for unneccessary drama.

I can see the urge to reassure OP not to jump to conclusions but a lot of these responses are less than sympathetic and not even answering the question asked. OP I have no direct experience beyond that my DH usually has to be asked to do something specific and once he’s given tasks or set on a course of action he’s generally brilliant. So a direct conversation might help.

@bookworm4, I think it is cruel, OP was saying she couldn’t go as it wasn’t “convenient”, or was not convenient for DH to look after the DCs; she wanted to go much earlier. Anyway, at the end of the day here is a woman who is worried, who is not getting supported by her DH and is getting a load of uncalled for abuse here. Really not kind.

I would wait for any test results and formal diagnosis, stay off Dr. Google. It isn't fair on your family, especially your young daughters.

Theres a difference between being worried and being convinced its MS, because google says and wanting to start planning for the family to learn how to support her.

They are 2 hugely different things.

I notice it's not how to prepare the family or the kids for a hugh diagnosis. It's how does she make sure they support her.

If it is MS, there will be little the kids CAN do to support her, they are kids.

OP is acting as though she has been diagnosed, which maybe be why people arent asking question.

Op you haven't told your kids you have MS have you??

I think you need help for your anxiety before it affects them.

I understand you are worried and frightened but tests do not mean you have something serious. And like you've said they've ruled lots of the serious things out which is great news.

Talk to your doctor about how you're feeling and I'm sure they'll be able to give you some reassurance.

I saw your other post? It’s very vague in order to give you advice properly.
Why do u think you have MS? You haven’t said why you think this other than blurred vision and fatigue.
Have they done a lumbar puncture to confirm this? Has your Gp referred you to a neurologist to have this done?
There are other conditions that can cause the blurred vision you have mentioned. Fibromyalgia can cause fatigue so can vitamin d deficiency.Anxiety can cause appetite suppression.
You have mentioned needing to eat in the last post but I haven’t heard of Ms causing appetite reduction unless it’s due to constipation.
I hope you get some answers soon

I would wait for a diagnoses, why worry your DC before the event?

It seems that you just want some extra attention from your DH and I can see why, it must be very worrying if you feel you are ill. But a lot of people try not to worry too much until there is an actual diagnosis so maybe your DH is just trying to keep a normal routine until he knows there is definitely something to worry about ( I definitely think us women can over worry about things whereas men seem to be more level headed/bury their feelings more).

Regardless of whether you are seriously ill or not OP the worst thing you can do is be stressed out so try and not think too much about it until you have definitive results ( I know its easier said than done!) take care of yourself, sleep well, eat well and try not to stress and if the results are bad then deal with it then with your DH.

OP did you have consultant led tests at a clinic or did you self present and wait about a lot?

Thing is, if the OP is always this anxious about every time she is ill and assuming that she has something seriously wrong, then it’s not surprising that the DH has potentially given up being supportive because it always leads to nothing.

She has told herself after going on google that she “probably has MS” but there has been no actual diagnosis, no mention from the Dr’s even that it could be MS, she has decided this already and is already building up to how others should be supporting her.

I don’t actually think anyone should be supporting her at this point because that is just feeding into the OP’s narrative that she must be seriously ill.

I have a serious life limiting heart condition, we’re talking previous cardiac arrests and the potential need for a transplant one day. It would never even occur to me to start thinking about how my DP and DC should be supportive of something which hasn’t actually happened yet, and there’s a very real chance that it might. But life has no guarantees,and quite apart from that, it is extremely selfish to start putting the pressure of even a real illness on to children let alone an imaginary one.

Ever hear of the boy who cried wolf?

Has your Dr said that they think MS is the likely diagnosis?

You're seemingly catastrophising. It sounds like your dh doesn;t see a need to "get to grips" with something that's not even been confirmed yet.

but even if she isn't being catastrophic, some spouses don't do well and some families don't cope.
at some point you might have to have that discussion with your spouse as to what he is and isn't willing to assist you with as you age or as an illness progresses.
i've been married a long time and double incontinence would be a deal breaker. doubt any of my adult children would assist with toileting.

What tests, OP? A good friend developed optical neuritis (a common MS first presentation) and there was an optician visit followed by an MRI. And that got her diagnosis. No day of tests, and certainly no prep for ‘support’ as there are different forms of MS, of varying degrees of severity.

When you use Dr Google, you do it with confirmation bias, using search terms that give you the answer you want. ‘Blurred vision’ as a search term will come up with a large number of causes, many not serious. ‘Blurred vision and MS’ will focus on exactly that, so google appears to confirm your fears.

What ever it is, it sucks to feel unsupported.
I hope you are better soon