My mother doesn't seem to take her diabetes problem seriously, should I write to her GP?

[Tinker]

My mum was diagnosed with Type 2 diabetes about a year ago. For the first 6 months or so she attempted to cut out crappy foods. She always used to have a bag of crisps in the evening and have a drawer ful of sweets. However, since with Type 2 you are given tablets to take, I think she seems to think she can just carry on where she left off. The drawer is filling up with sweets again and she has started back on her crisps.

When I ask her exasperatedly about what she is doing, I get a withering look as though I am simply some sort of a control freak. But I am really worried about her. I don't want her to damage her health any further. I want her around for as long as possible.

Nagging is not helping so would I be out of order to write to her GP to ask him to emphasise how she must take some more responsibilty over her diet. She would take it from him but not from me

Any other tips greatly appreciated

I would have thought that the gp would have let your mother know the potential seriousness of her condition at the time of diagnosis. Will she take telling from him/her? She doesn't seem to have done so to date.

With my mother I found that the best stratagy was to get the practice nurse on side. My mother would take telling from her, while she ignored me and the gp . She saw the nurse as a 'person' IYSWIM, who was interested in her well being. Also if the GP has poor patient skills the nurse is often more skilled in that area, and better at explaining things in lay language.

Would it be any help getting your mother to look at web pages from diabetic support groups with you?

First stage with mild Type 2 is managing it with diet. So if your mum's already on tablets, suggests either it's more severe than usual or your GP knows your mum isn't very good at managing her diet. Maybe she's been diabetic for some time, just not diagnosed?
You could try writing to the GP, but s/he won't discuss your mum with you, not unless she agrees to take you along to a consultation and makes it clear she's happy for your to hear everything.
Must be really frustrating for you, I'm sorry. Maybe you could get her some literature from the British Diabetic Association? They've probably got stuff that would explain why diet is important in controlling diabetes and give her some suggestions for tasty food - if she loves her food she might be worried that a healthy diet wouldn't be very enjoyable, or leave room for treats.

yes do tinker,tell her gp,we had to do this with my dad,he has diabetes(takes tablets too)and he also has angina but kept on eating lots of fatty food and sweets,his doctor talked to him and scared him enough for him to take drastic action,he still every now and again eats the wrong things but is much better than before

Without wanting to sound harsh it is her life. She will be fully aware of the risks she is taking. The only thing I can suggest is to try and find somebody else to chat about it.

Thanks all for the quick repsonses. I'm sure her GP (who she thinks is marvellous) will have told her the risks but she won't have told him what she really eats. I don't particularly want to get into a dialogue with the GP (who I don't know) I just want to be an informant. Could write to the practice nurse as well.

The problems are that she has very sweet tooth, she gets bored (lives on her own) so comfort eats and she's quite a faddy eater in some ways. I think cooking for just yourself requires a bit of discipline to ensure you don't slip into smcky type meals

I know it's her life but I'm not sure she does think about the risks involved, I think she actively doesn't think about them. Maddening.

It is infuriating when others do not take their own health seriously when they have been warned, it must be very hard when it is your own Mum. Could you not buy her a recipe book for diabetic desserts?

Sympathies, Tinker. My mum has type2 aswell, and seems to be slipping back into her old bad habits again. She's put on a lot of weight and it is very worrying. I think you should write to the doctor, you really have nothing to lose as you are doing it because you care for her. I will if I have to. Maybe she does not like you commenting on what she is doing because she feels bad about it herself, so how about suggesting you both go on a healthy eating plan - tell her that she could maybe help you improve YOUR diet? Maybe then she wont feel isolated with her illness. This is what I am trying with my mum and I'll keep you posted on how we get on. All the best.

Think you've hit the nail on the head there muminamillion about hating being told because she knows she shouldn't anyway. Unfortunately, we don't live too close to her so a healthy eating plan for both of us, whilst a great idea, might be difficult to police

Hmmm, really tricky. Then your only option is to contact her doctor/nurse. Let me know how you get on?

Tinker, I asked my dh who is a GP about this.

He says that GPs are usually grateful for this kind of input. If you ask them not to then they will not reveal that you have written but will ask your Mum or aske the diabetic nurse to ask about diet adn talk about it pretty firmly. they might also arrange a home visit from the GP or diabetic nurse to assess how your Mum is coping.

If, after only a year of diagnosis she is on tablets either (1) she was diabetic for a while but didn't know or (2) she is quite seriously diabetic.

So it may well be worth your while contacting them. The doctor cannot, of course, discuss your mother with you due to issues of confidentiality, but will be glad of this kind of input as it will enable him/her to manage your mother's illness more appropriately.

HTH

Thank you so much for that susan. I think she must have been diabetic for a while before it was diagnosed. Right, I'm going to write, have nothing to lose.

Thanks again

Hope that things get better soon.

Tinker - my dad is just the same and I'm at my wits end what to do about it. He's got Type 2 and is on pills because he won't control his diet but he acts like a child - he wants sweets etc so he has them. The difference with him is that he honestly doesn't think he eats too much and even though he's morbidly obese he can't get it into his head that its not only the sweets making him diabetic, fat and giving him angina and high cholesterol, its the fact that he east twice as much as anyone else.

Sorry I haven't got any advice but just to add another rogue parent to the list.

Hello Tinker,

Sorry you are worried about you mum. I have diabetes & it really is tough at times. I'm quite clued up as I used to work for Diabetes UK (the new name for the British Diabetic Association. If you haven't looked at the website it's got some quite good stuff on it here ), and I've managed to scare myself a lot in the past, and STILL sometimes denial is the only thing.

Obviously I don't know your mum, but I agree that she probably has been told what she should & shouldn't eat but wants to dictate her own eating habits. It is very frustrating. I always find it particularly irritating when my grandma keeps an eagle eye on what I'm eating & points out the least bit of sugar. I want to shout that I'm 29 FFS & am perfectly capable of making my own decisions. So maybe your mum feels a bit like this. The other thing is that dietary advice for people with diabetes has changed over the years, & now you're not told to exclude all sugar but to follow a healthy eating low-fat low-sugar diet. Could it be possible that you mum has absorbed only part of this advice & thinks that she's actually doing the right thing?

Diabetes US has local branches throughout the UK so perhaps she could look at joining one. I don't know that many people with diabetes, but I do have some friends who have it, & it's really good to have people to talk to who aren't doctors/nurses. We do encourage each other to eat healthily too!

I hope this is useful & has given you the perspective from someone with diabetes. I was lying in bed last night having seen your thread trying to think what to say. Do ask if you've got any questions, or you can CAT me if you want.

I agree with Hoxtonchic, her second paragraph is spot on. My mum is now on insulin and still chooses to drink her whisky and eat her choccies when she's in the humour, and quite frankly, she's 63 years old and I've been telling her long enough to butt out of my business so who am I to get involved in hers. She makes a decision based on the facts and on how she is feeling at the time and if a whisky is going to make her feel better, then she'll have a few and shove in some high carb foods to 'even it out'!

There are so many things that we should and shouldn't do, smoke, eat, drink, take drugs, but it is our decision in the long run and denial can be a lovely place to live.

My mum says 'if I only last 2 years being happy then great, I'd prefer that to 4 years being miserable'...

I agree 100% that it is the quality of like that is more important than the quantity (my mother is hospitalised with dementia so I understand this only too well).

However if you don't look after yourself with diabetes your last few years may well not be that enjoyable. Blindness, loss of sensation in the fingers and toes, kidney failure and gangrene can all happen if diabetes isn't controled. So the last few years could be rather grim.

Thanks again people. I know it must be horrid being told what you can and can't eat and then having someone nag at you when you 'slip up'. I'm also aware that there is quite a high chance I could be in the same position myself when I'm older.

However, I'm not sure she is making a decision based on the facts. She's heard the bits about dietary restrictions relaxing and chosen (I think) to use those as an excuse to continue what were fairly poor eating habits anyway.

I know what you mean about being happy for 2 rather than unhappy for 4 - my dad died of a heart attack after starting smoking again and I had the same opinion. However, she's the only real grandparent my daughter sees adn I get very upset, disproportionately maybe, thinking she might be shortening her life unnecessarily. If it was a "Stuff you, I'll eat what I want" appraoch I might feel better but it's her convincing herself that she's eating well taht bothers me

I remember being very hurt when my father said, of his smoking, 'well it is the only pleasure that I get in life'. We had a very close relationship and we loved each other very much. What I wanted to say, but didn't have the stomach for the argument, was, 'What, having children and grand children doesn't give you ant pleasure then?'

So I see where you are coming from, it is hard isn't it?

The sad thing is that however much you want your mother to change and take care of herself, only she has the power to do that. Please don't beat yourself up about this, and I do understand how hard it is not to do just that.

Hugs.

Tinker, have you told her how much it upsets you and why? Does she know how much you want her to be there for your daughter for a long time to come?

The thing about saying 'i'd rather have two happy years than 4 unhappy ones' is sadly nonsense as it doesn't kill you that quickly - it is more likely to be two years of happy eating and then four/five/ten years of being looked after by others when you've had organ failure/a stroke/become blind etc..I am a type 1 diabetic (same complications if different onset issues) and used to think I would like a happy life ignoring it if a shorter one - I now have problems with both my eyes and my kidneys and suddenly (and too late) realise how very much I regret that maxim. living with diabetes and its comprimises is so much easier than living with its complications and so I would urge anyone to encourage others to engage in services.

Sure she tests her blood sugar levels regularly?

Are you sure she is not aware of the damage she is causing to her body, and that maybe she is acting this way because of other problems. i.e. loneliness etc?