Misophonia and dd-what can we do?

[rainbowlou]

Im pretty sure my dd (19) has misophonia, but it is seriously affecting the rest of the family and stressing me out no end!
We are constantly treading on egg shells around her as she gets so agitated and sometimes angry if she hears or sees certain movements and sounds. We are so aware of her getting stressed when we are all eating around the table, the dogs nails tapping on the floor, her little brother breathing ‘too loudly’, the other day I had cramp and stretched my foot out and she nearly had a complete meltdown..she also once elbowed me really hard at a friends because I picked a tiny bit of nail varnish off my nail and denied she did it!
I make her sit in the back of the car as she can’t deal with me changing gear!
Honestly it is so mentally draining, tonight the poor dog licked his paw and she was so clearly agitated that I pulled her up on it, she kicked off (at me not him!)
I want to be understanding and help in anyway I can but I can’t bear this anymore-will the gp do anything? Or is this something we do as a family? I’m fed up to the back teeth of the rows and atmosphere this is causing at home

She needs to learn how to self regulate. You can't do it for her.

She could probably benefit from professional help.

Argh it's awful! I have a mild form of this but honestly, I'm not exaggerating when I say how furious some things make me. Chewing gum is a big one, or leg bouncing or finger drumming. Sniffing as well!!
It fills me with such a rage that I've been found in tears before because I know that it's my problem and I have to deal with it.
If your DDs is really extreme, you need to work through this together. You need to understand how she feels and she needs to try and learn to manage it.

I have this and there's no way my parents would have stood for me behaving so rudely. this is her problem and she needs to deal with it without making the rest of the family feel like they're treading on eggshells. is she suffering from anxiety or depression as I find that the misophonia is much worse when I am in a down phase. When I am happy and normal I find I can tolerate it much better. But there is no excuse for her behaving like that especially at 19.

Just to add she wears headphones a lot to help but that’s not always helpful if she is catching people daring to plump a cushion out of the corner of her eye

That sounds like serious hard work.

It may be worth a visit to the GP.

I have misophonia that's mainly centred on mouth noises. When I was a teenager it was probably the worst - I couldn't be around anyone eating in a quiet space and would isolate myself at mealtimes.

I've found having music on helps, especially at mealtimes and it gives me something else to 'tune in' to - but for your DD it seems that there are quite a few things that set her off.

I remember reading somewhere something about learning to rationalise the noise. So for me it is catching those negative thoughts I get when I hear eating noises and challenging them. I tell myself they don't mean to make the noise and they aren't trying to irritate me. I try to focus on the fact the problem is mine, and not someone else's.

Sorry, OP, that's a lot of words for not much of a solution but I hope she can learn to deal with it better soon

Thank you for your replies..I do ‘get it’ to a certain extent and really do feel for anyone suffering this way but it’s affecting and controlling all of us too much now!
Tonight (after the poor dog licked his paw) I told her I’ve had enough and she needs to call the gp and sort this once and for all as it’s not fair on her or the rest of the family..she grunted a bit and said ok fine but this time I’m sticking to my guns, she gets help for herself now as it’s totally exhausting

I also asked her if she is shitty to her boyfriend and friends if they eat or move in a certain way and she said ‘I don’t know’ so I hope to god they aren’t dealing with this as well!

Sounds like she’d be better off living on her own, or in a flatshare with a very quiet person ... is that possible? Are there other issues that make it necessary for her to still live with you?

I guess I’m wondering if part of what’s making it all so heightened is that on some level she wants her own space. At 19 I would’ve found it really hard to live with my parents, although of course it is fine for lots of people, depending on circs/personality.

I would say GP and push for a cbt referral. In most areas of UK I think you can self refer now.

My sister has this and I totally get what you mean about walking on eggshells. She loses her temper at the tiniest noises.

Your DD needs to learn coping mechanisms and ways to deal with the emotions that this causes. Otherwise it's going to affect every friendship or relationship she ever has.

She is a very young 19 year old, at college, not much motivation, she went through a pretty traumatic event 18 months ago but I’m aware we can’t use this an excuse for always being so demotivated (misophonia been happening way before this!)
She will be making a gp appointment tomorrow for sure!
Thank you all for replies and advice and sorry for anyone else suffering this as it seems awful x

I always found mine was worse with my close family members than with anyone else. strangely enough my children didn't bother me until they were about 8 or 9 and old enough to learn to chew with their mouth closed but choosing not to.