I have a problem and have no idea how to deal with it or make it better ..........please give me some advice

[mosschops30]

Ok and laugh if you want to, dh has.

Have been working in a cancer hospital for 3 weeks now and initially worried about getting cancer and thinking I had every symptom the patients had (already done a thread on this).
Now this has got worse and I have convinced my self I have bone metastisis (because of lump and pain in shoulder/pain in knee/pain in back/pain in chest. I am going to see the doctor again to ask if i can have a bone scan (private) because I dont think I will rest until i see it.

I am dreaming about this place all the time, dreaming about seeing my doctor and getting referred and finding I am riddled with cancer. Last night was probably the worst night but I am having trouble sleeping and having night sweats.

This is so totally unlike me, I have seen numerous things throughout different wards, even seen a post-mortem but nothing has affected me like this place. I dont want to see the doctor really because I'm of the school that never gets depressed/anxious and dont want to open that can of worms with the doctor.

I just dont know what to do. My friend who worked their for years said this is quite normal but I dont know who to talk to

If your friend worked there, can't you talk to her about it? How did she deal with it if she went through it herself?

mosschops, it sounds incredibly depressing. i would say iof you cannot cope with it maybe look for another job? maybe you just arent suited to this particular line of nursing (which is what i am guessing you do?)

It is normal. I once interviewed a family whose son had Duchenne Muscular Dystrophy. Lovely boy, amazing family. Utterly heartbreaking. Came home and could not sleep for thinking ds had it.
I honestly think it will wear off.
You know you are find in your head, but your racing pulse and 2am thoughts say different.

I must admit though i think it is rather normal. My sister died of an embolism and I am convinced I will die quickly and dramatically in the same manner. everytime i panic I think i have a blood clot, its a bloody nightmare!

My friend is coming over later, she never went throuhg this but used to get upset even seeing people in the street thinking theyd probably end up with cancer!
Fio I am only on placement so have 3 weeks left there thank god. Its such a shame because the hospital and staff and patients are among the best I have ever worked with. I am just so at myself, this is not like me, I am such a hard person who takes the knocks and then picks up and carries on.

My friend thinks its because on a normal placement you may see one or two patients with cancer whereas here is a whole hospital of them, but she said I need to remember that these people come from all over to this hospital so its quite a small percentage given the area covered

I do think you need to re-assess your current job spec', mossy.

There's no need to probe too deeply into the psychological reasons at this stage ... just do something else.

Ah, well that's just answered my post

oh poor you - 3 weeks isn't long and I imagine this must be quite common.

I guess you need to decide whether you feel you can work through it or perhaps explore another nursing avenue.

the thing is aloha I really believe thats whats wrong with me, its not just a silly thought. I will not be happy until I see a bone scan of my own because then I can relax a bit if its neg.

I know medical students often feel like this when they are studying - they convince themselves they have various horrific diseases. It's perfectly normal - though horrible for you to be going through.

Like aloha, I think it will pass - and I think talking about it is a good thing (if you won't mention your fears to your GP then what about your friend, as Fio suggests?)

yes we will probably have a good chat tonight. I'm just sick of feeling like this, its not even confined to the nightime now I feel like it all day
oh sorry I know i'm moaning but its making me so unhappy and i just dont feel like me

Look, imagining this stuff is normal. It just is. The fact that you are posting that you think this because you work in a cancer hospital is proof that deep down you knwo that is why you have this fear, not because of the 'symptoms'. I am sure there is a really good evolutionary reason for these kinds of fears. I'd wake up at 2am covered in sweat because of fears that ds (dyspraxic) had Duchennes.
Your references to depression/anxiety also indicate that you know this is a phobia that has got out of hand. My experience is that this sort of thing fades with time. Pay for the scan if you want, but you'll be Ok soon otherwise.

aloha I think the reason I think i have the bone mets is because no-one has sorted out all my random pains, and they are so random and now I have seen patients with the same thing, just non-descriptive random pains.
I have Bupa so am hoping to have scan there if doc will refer me

good advice from aloha moss. the feelings do fade. its probably because your new the place and its in yer face so to speak.