I'm feeling really unwell and I don't know what's wrong

[Whatad]

I should probably have name-changed for this as no doubt anything I say hereafter is going to be read in the context of this post.

However, I feel really sick. That is primarily physical, but a little bit psychologically too, as in - stress manifesting physically.

I have a horrendous phobia of hospitals but I feel I need to go in somewhere (whether that be a psychiatric hospital or a general hospital).

I've been unwell for months but think gynae problems, nausea, vomiting, lethargy etc. What is stopping me getting help for the physical symptoms is the psychological symptoms.

I've just vomited twice for no reason apart from pure bile being in my stomach.

I can't really go on like this. I have in the past ten days gone to A&E 3 times and waiting for 4 hours and just left.

I feel like I need someone to look after me or something. I'm not managing terribly well at all. Like someone to handcuff me to a trolley in A&E or something.

Any advice for someone as mental as myself?
My head physically feels like it's about to explode - like it's trying to burst out of my skull - not pain, though I do have pain - just a sensation that's difficult to describe.

I called 111 yesterday evening and they called me back this morning at 4am saying the ambulance was on the way so I told them I didn't need it anymore.

I don't know what the hell is wrong with me, whether it's mental or physical but I do know that something is wrong and I'm not sure how to get helped?

Any advice for a lost soul?

Were the missed appointments with Hepatology?

Yes - unconsciously purposely (i.e. I had every excuse in the book not to take them).

Do you have a key worker of any kind?

Yes but she's off sick at the moment - there's another one, but she is of the Social Worker Profession so I don't engage with her. My usual one is an occupational therapist.

My psychiatrist is lovely. He's French (French Algerian he told me) so his accent makes everything sound quite....... French? It doesn't sound so alarming in a French accent lol.

Well the one appointment I'm waiting on is gynaecology so my psychiatrist has told him that someone will go with me to the appointment just to make sure I make it. Come to think of it, I should have had the appointment letter by now, so will ring Monday morning I suppose.
I tend to treat my life as putting band-aids over gaping wounds on a permanent basis.

I'm going around in circles.

Maybe it's worth gritting your teeth and taking some help from the SW just this once?

I think the reason I skip the Hepatology ones (don't worry, I do cancel), is because I got sent a letter about a year ago inviting me to a discussion or something on finding out you don't have cancer and whether you wanted to discuss how you felt at some seminar. I had no idea that I was being bloody investigated for cancer! So I don't like the hepatologist. It doesn't take much in fairness for me to say 'fuck this shit, eh no, I'm fine thanks'.

She seems ok, a bit of a know-it-all, but no, I'd actually rather die than engage with a social worker.
Thankfully she comes out with my psychiatrist and she tries to butt in over him, but he sort of 'gets' me, whereas she doesn't. Hard to describe coherently.

Trying to think of an example, but for e.g. I'll say 'I'm not sleeping very well'. She'll say, 'is that because you're drinking?' and my psychiatrist will say 'Yes, you said last time you were not sleeping, how is your new medication working do you feel?'

Made up example, but it's sort of how it goes with her. There is an accusatory tone to her dialogue and a gentler tone from the psychiatrist.

A&E are not always the best at understanding mental health issues, I guess just because they are busy. I second trying to get some sort of support from mental health or addiction support services. It sounds like you are dealing with a lot at the moment.

Thank you - I think that's why I struggle. If I didn't know any different I'd suspect ADHD or something.
My psychiatrist is linking in with the addiction services on my behalf, but until I get the mental health and other issues under control, I can't engage with them as it is entirely dependent on you engaging with them first. That would mean me having to leave the house and take a 40 minute journey involving a bus and a walk. Sounds perfectly normal to most people, but to me it seems like Mount Everest!

Bit of a quandry!

Thank you for the extra info op, I have no experience in the addiction or physical health side of things just the severe mental health side. You said you hadn't taken a shower in a long time, that is completely normal when you're struggling so don't worry. Would you benefit from writing yourself out a to-do list of very very small steps so you can see your achievement and get the satisfaction of ticking it off? for example:

1. make breakfast/tea
2. brush teeth
3. lay clothes out for the day
4. take 10 minute shower
5. get dressed then relax for 1 hour.
6. phone and chase up appointment

Etc. My psychiatrist years ago suggested this to me when I wasn't brushing my teeth for a week or showering for 2 weeks and it really helped. It takes a long time to make something become a habit so I did these lists every day for about 6 weeks before brushing my teeth every day or whatever finally became a normality again.

OP in my area there is a volunteer car share scheme called Good Neighbours who help people with hospital transport. You are right a 49 minute journey when you are struggling with the basics is a huge task. Also you could try googling and calling your local council community transport team as there may be something else they can recommend in your area for a hospital run (like a taxi which has replaced a local bus service but you pay a bus fare price). Often community transport does link in to hospitals. If you find something you usually have to book at least a day in advance. Give them a call?

40 minute, not 49!

I'm not a doctor,but I do suffer with health anxiety,I get loads worse when I'm not busy with work, kids etc, I mill things over and get myself in a state.
Saying that I don't have (hopefully!🤞🏻🤞🏻🤞🏻) underlying health issues

I find when I get anxious about health I end up feeling like I've got lumps of stone inside me, so assume tumour, my doctor sent me for ultrasound tests which showed nothing and she's told me it's a bit of IBS which is linked to mental health in some anyway

What I'm trying badly to say is you sound a bit like me. Do you think it's anxiety which is perpetuated by the fact you have underlying conditions?

Hope you are feeling better today OP.

By the way, if your addiction is alcohol could you ring AA while you are waiting for addiction services? It was a real support network for my friend and you don’t have to wait for a referral.

There is believed to be a strong link between some neurological disorders(ASD/ADD/ADHD etc) and addiction.

Personally I suspect many addicts are undiagnosed ND sufferers.

Just saying.