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Original poster

Friend hasn't vaccinated her baby, I'm anxious about my baby spending time with her baby

27 replies

newmummy1988 · 28/03/2019 08:06

Really in a difficult situation here. When I became pregnant a girl I worked with also was pregnant at the same time. Naturally we've spent abit of time together since we both had the babies and become closer. I knew she was considering not vaccinating her baby once he was born but didn't know she actually wouldn't. I kept my opinions to myself because I didn't want a confrontation and I don't like forcing my opinion onto people. But I do not agree with her not vaccinating her baby. I didn't think her choice would affect me so much but now I keep avoiding her because I'm scared for my baby's safety. He isn't one yet so he's not fully vaccinated and even after that, I'm still nervous. What do I say or do?
We've never been the best of friends or anything and she's a nice person, I just think she's been wrongly informed and it worries me. How do you say this to someone thought he without causing offence? Or should I just be straight to the point? For some reason I feel like I'm being over the top, but we have vaccines for a reason and all this stuff on the news at the moment about outbreaks of measles is really scaring me. does anyone have any advice, I'm not sure I can carry on the friendship when I feel like my baby is unsafe

OP posts:
00100001 · 28/03/2019 08:07

Your baby is immunised.

It's the unvaccinated baby that is at risk if death

Whereland · 28/03/2019 08:08

As above, if your baby is vaccinated then what's the issue..

calpop · 28/03/2019 08:08

Im not sure I see the issue if your baby is fully vaccinated.

HappyPunky · 28/03/2019 08:08

I would post pone meeting up until mine was over one and was protected.

00100001 · 28/03/2019 08:09

I mean, wait until your baby has had all his jabs.

And if she asks why, say exactly why.

If she wants to risk her babies life, that's on her. But you aren't willing to risk having a very ill or dead child to deal with.

Jackshouse · 28/03/2019 08:10

That not how it works. Herd immunity is important. If it’s causing you lots of stress then see less of her but remember you don’t know the immunisation status of other children either.

BitchPeas · 28/03/2019 08:11

Her baby is under 1 so not fully vaccinated yet!

Op, until your baby has had the MMR I’d avoid. Anti vaxxers seem to hang around together so her baby could be exposed to measles then infect your baby. I wouldn’t risk it and I’d tell her straight if she asks.

00100001 · 28/03/2019 08:13

Don't worry about "causing offence"

These people should be constantly reminded that they are putting not only their own child at risk, but that of immunology suppressed people.

Anti-vaxxers are absolutely ridiculous, thinking they know better, and not realising that Measles (for example) isn't just 'chicien pox'. They really don't understand that they are endangering their child's life

It really is akin to not bothering with a car seat/seatbelt and claiming that

"well my mate Tony, his cousin was in a car crash once, and he wasn't wearing his seatbelt, and the firefighter who got him out said "good job you weren't wearing a seatbelt otherwise you would have died. So I'm not going to wear a seatbelt ever. And my baby, no carseat for them. I'll hold her, then she'll be safe from harm."

MarvinMarvinson · 28/03/2019 08:13

If your child is vaccinated then why are you worried? If they're both the same age - under 1 - and this is what concerns you that your child isn't fully vaccinated yet, then surely that would be the case for socialising with any child the same age?

The danger would come if you went on to have another child and her older one could pass on diseases your littler one was too young to be vaccinated against i.e. Measles.

Babdoc · 28/03/2019 08:15

OP, you are missing an opportunity to educate the poor misguided soul and potentially save her baby’s life, or at least spare it suffering some horrible illnesses.
Without criticising her or being abusive, could you gently explore her reasons for risking her baby’s life, and explain that you wish to avoid contact until your own child is fully protected?

Original poster
newmummy1988 · 28/03/2019 08:19

Yes this was what I was thinking, then he has the MMR and maybe I'll feel slightly more at ease

OP posts:
Original poster
newmummy1988 · 28/03/2019 08:19

He's not fully vaccinated yet he's not one yet

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Original poster
newmummy1988 · 28/03/2019 08:20

This is how I feel and that's what I wish I could say. I get so annoyed with myself that I can't just say it. She is putting her child at risk though, that's the truth.

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Original poster
newmummy1988 · 28/03/2019 08:23

I'm actually meant to be meeting her and her son today with my son 😐 I might just make an excuse. I feel like such a coward not telling her straight, I really should do to be honest.
She doesn't hang around with other anti vaxxers I'm pretty sure she doesn't anyway. She didn't even consider not vaccinating until her partner "informed" her about how "unsafe" vaccinating your child was 😡 Scares me!

OP posts:
Original poster
newmummy1988 · 28/03/2019 08:24

I totally agree with all of this. I need to actually just tell her straight I think. I want to protect my child, just as she does. If she takes offence that's her problem

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swampytiggaa · 28/03/2019 08:25

Must admit I doubt I would be friends with an anti vaxxer just because I don’t think we’d have much in common Smile

Original poster
newmummy1988 · 28/03/2019 08:29

Yeah I could go that route, but I feel like she's made her mind up. And I'm sure she couldn't turn around to her partner now and say "I want to vaccinate the baby" she even tried sending me some documentary when I was pregnant on how vaccinating your child is dangerous, I just ignored it. I would feel really patronising if I tried "educating" her. but yes maybe I should try the gentle route..

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Original poster
newmummy1988 · 28/03/2019 08:31

No I know. The friendship was kind of through us both having babies at the same time and we do get on, she's a nice girl ect she's not a typical anti vaxer! We live in a small town, I just don't think she's educated. She's heard abit of incorrect information and thinks it's right, and onvously it's scared her.

OP posts:
LIZS · 28/03/2019 08:37

How old are your babies? Is yours really at any greater risk than if hers was younger and not yet of an age to have vaccinations, or could not be vaccinated due to a medical condition? Or if you visited abroad where the schedule differed. Are you otherwise anxious where your baby is concerned?

MarvinMarvinson · 28/03/2019 09:33

I have loads in common with my anti vaxer friend. She's great. We just don't discuss vaccinations at all. I have no interest in hearing her point of view because I'm comfortable I'm doing the right thing. She, no doubt, feels the same. My kids are at no risk as they're fully vaccinated.

Original poster
newmummy1988 · 02/04/2019 15:39

My baby is one in a week, and hers is a month younger. It's the fact her baby has had no vaccines at all, the first ones the babies receive like the 6 in 1 that's protects against whooping cough, hepatitis B, HIB ect so it's open to catching those and spreading them. I don't have my baby around alot of other children, and it's really making me on edge for him to go to nursery and school when people aren't vaccinating and protecting their children.
Just because they're vaccinated doesn't mean they are 100% protected, they can still catch preventable diseases. I think it's just the fact she refuses to vaccinate her baby and that bothers me, a lot. I hate feeling like I'm being dramatic but my gutt says it's not right and obviously I wouldn't want to put my baby in danger. If I can avoid, I will at all costs and will do anything to protect him.

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Original poster
newmummy1988 · 02/04/2019 15:45

I think it's actually just the principle, the fact she is writing off science and years of people not dying from these diseases and that's because of vaccines. That angers me that someone can be so ignorant and think they know better than hundreds of scientists research and studies, because they've looked online and now they think they know best. It's not just a difference in opinion on something small, it can be a question of life or death. She's putting her child in danger and possibly many others or mine. I just don't think I can associate with someone who has those beliefs, let alone have my baby around her baby and possibly put him in danger.

OP posts:
Drum2018 · 02/04/2019 15:46

I would just tell her you are uncomfortable with your baby mixing with any unvaccinated children until he's had his last set of jabs - is that around 15months? May have changed since I had my youngest. Tough shit if she is offended. She may well come up against it in the future when she's looking for a creche or school. You are as well to be honest now and it might make her think about bringing her baby into contact with smaller babies too.

Heulog · 02/04/2019 15:58

I think you are BU and should let it go. But if you can't I think you should write off the friendship, because it sounds like a deal breaker for you, but also consider that some people choose not to vaccinate for many different reasons, and some children are actually medically unable to have vaccinations, and you won't know who these children are. Your child will later choose their own friendship circles, and you don't get to have control over that.

Original poster
newmummy1988 · 02/04/2019 21:47

No it's around 3/4 just before they start school I think. Well yeah she doesn't have a problem offending me by basically saying I'm risking my child having a severe reaction to these vaccines or possibly giving my child autism. It's all so ridiculous, parents should not even have to be considering that their child may be in danger around another child because they can't accept something as amazing as a free vaccine to protect and potentially save their child's life. I really hope by the time my son starts school (or even sooner) people who don't vaccinate will not be allowed their children into schools. It may make them reconsider.
It's all just too stressful and something parents in this day and age should not have to worry about.

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