No time to self

[RoseMartha]

Even in the evenings I dont get time to myself until about 10pm. Usually awake by 6am. Sometimes I fall asleep sitting up in bed doing online grocery shop.
My days are full of juggling work, kids, special need meetings, special need kid needing more attention than anyone else, elderly ill parents who need taking to countless appointments and need help with just about everything and demand and moan if do not get my attention and company, normal household errands, housework, getting divorced and the stress of that and numerous appointments relating to that, filling in forms for special need child and elderly parents, trying to fit a friend in for a coffee sometimes. Lack of sleep because special need child wakes me most nights sometimes for five mins sometimes for three hours.

I feel a nervous wreck.

When stbex yells and verbally and emotionally abuses me. My hands shake for about half an hour afterwards. When special need child gets violent I am bag of nerves after.

I dont want antidepressants. But where can i find help.

Gosh that's all very difficult OP.
I think you would get more responses if you ask for this to be moved to relationships.

Here are some suggestions:
Write down your priorities in order. So your DC with additional needs is probably #1. Then assuming you have other DC, put those at #2.
I would put STBX at #3, purely so that you can get rid of him quicker, which will make you feel better. Parents at #4 (unless they are seriously ill). Then, when you don't know which way to turn, look at your list and deal with everyone in that order.

Next, allocate a time - maybe once or twice or week, for a couple of hours - for dealing with parents and form-filling. And stick to this. Say "yes I can help but that will need to wait until x o'clock on Monday... whatever day. Repeat as necessary. Tell them you are juggling priorities and they will need to wait.

If they have appointments outside of those times say that you will stay for an hour or so afterwards to sort the forms (or whatever) out. This will help you feel more in control of things and not feel as though you're being pulled in every direction.

Don't do the shopping in bed. Do it whilst watching TV if you can. Go and buy yourself a book or a magazine and spend that time in bed just reading and relaxing. Make sure you put 'MY TIME' in your planner / calendar. Every week, go and have a coffee by yourself, just for 15 minutes (or more if poss). Just sit and watch the world go by.

Thank you for your help. Some good ideas in your reply.