Friends who flake: does anyone else get annoyed?

[Brunette0210]

So I have a few friends who flake on plans quite often, and it really bugs me. I know things come up and sometimes it can’t be helped and is for a serious reason. E.g. I had to cancel on a friend a just few weeks ago, as I sprained my ankle so could not realistically attend what we had planned. I felt really guilty, said sorry profusely and still feel bad now, even though I couldn’t help it and I very rarely cancel things.

However, some friends cancel almost every plan. They do rearrange, but I find it really rude. Particularly when they are the one who initiated meeting up, and know I have had to rearrange quite a busy lifestyle to fit them in. They only tell me the day before and it’s usually ‘because I’m SO tired’, ‘I have had the week from hell’, ‘I will fall asleep I’m so knackered’, etc. Guess what, I’m tired (I have a more demanding job than these people put together, and am doing a PhD at the same time), their kids are grown up, and we are only having a glass of wine at their house - they don’t even have to move off the sofa! We plan it weeks in advance (so they should know if they can’t make it), they initiate meeting up, and I have to reschedule my life, travelling 50 miles to meet them.

Am I right to be annoyed? I don’t know if this is the logical response or if I’m being unreasonable. I just really look forward to it, plan my life around it and feel like it’s a slap in the face. It makes me so annoyed I don’t really want to go out when we rearrange it. Any thoughts?

Just be straight up with them if they can't be arsed don't bother making a plan in the first place..

Yeah I know what you mean. In my group of friends the same people tend to blow out at the last minute. After the 4th time of "sorry I'm ill" you start to think are they just bullshitting because they can't be arsed? This is on nights out with several people usually so not a massive deal but it still irks me a bit. If I say I am going to do something I do it unless I'm ill. The best nights out tend to be the ones where 2 hours before leaving I'm thinking I fancy staying home . I don't like letting people down. But unless they are bad friends in other respects I tend to let people off - who knows what is going on in their lives that they haven't mentioned.

I understand your frustration and to be honest I would probably feel exactly the same as I know what ot feels like to lead a busy life and have to make plans several weeks in advance and the feeling when friends cancel or let you down last minute. However if this is regular do any of them suffer from anxiety? Or depression? Because that can prevent you from going out or sticking to plans even when you had the best intentions of following through on them? Just a thought? You never truly know what someone else is going through.