Supporting DH Through Testicle Cancer

[Adu1tHumanFema1e]

My husband recently found out he has testicle cancer, he started radiotherapy a few weeks ago and goes for his second lot this week.

It's been caught early and he's been told not to worry but I know he is. He's not the type to talk about his feelings and I don't think he'd tell me if he was struggling anyway because he worries about me stressing and making my own recently diagnose chronic illness flair up. He's been put in touch with Macmillan and he's been looking about the website and forums, and I hope he feels able to talk to people there if he won't talk to me.

I'm posting to ask if anyone's husband has been through this and for suggestions or tips or websites where I can maybe get advice on how to support him, what to prepare for etc so I don't feel utterly useless.

His first dose of radiotherapy was messed up by hospital and he was only given one days when it should have been three or four. One days worth difficult for him and I can see he's scared for his next lot. I'm just not sure what I should do and thought I'd ask if anyone has any advice here, or things that helped your husband and yourself get through treatment etc.

I've namechanged because one of my sils knows my username and only immediate family have been told so far as he doesn't want people to worry and fuss but I've been on MN for 12 years or so now. Thank you in advance for any replies.

Just bumping as I posted at a daft time.

Hi OP, sorry to hear about your husband. I’ve not experienced this exactly but have had other family members with cancer. I think just letting him know that you’re there for him if he needs to talk is a start.

There’s a Macmillan forum where you can post questions for advice, maybe you could do that and hopefully someone in your position will be able to help.

I know it’s a scary time for you too so take care of yourself as well

Thank you @GreatDuckCookery

I think I might have to look on there. I didn't want to go on there because I think he's using it or may use it to get support for himself and I want him to feel he had to censor himself in case I come across his posts if that makes sense.

He's come home today from first session this week in bits and I'm trying not to cry because that will make him feel like he can't be upset himself, I'd don't want him to feel he has to be all manly and be scared.

It sucks and today has been much much worse than the single days worth he had last time and then it's all to go again tomorrow. He didn't want me to go with him today but im going tomorrow and Friday even if it's just to sit and wait in the car for him.

Thank you again.

How old is your husband?

Sorry that you are both going through this I hope that you have some support for yourself too.

It’s so bloody hard OP. It’s feel for you both, there are lots of ups and downs on this journey, some days you will feel stronger then others like it’s all too much.

You sound lovely and I’m sure your DH will appreciate you just being there for him even if some days he seems quiet and withdrawn.

I understand why you might not want to go on the forum, it’s a good point that DH might post too.

Keep chatting on here to let off steam, it might help you a little bit.

DH had testicular cancer in 2009. He had an orchidectomy but the cancer returned to a lymph node in his chest, so he needed 3 doses of chemo. He’s fine now.

DH is also very self-contained, and I found it hard, always having to contain my emotions because I felt like I didn’t have the right to be more upset than him.

Has your DH had surgery OP? Do you have wider support? Friends and family? Is his employer being supportive? All of these things made a big difference for us.
for you OP.

My DH had testicular cancer, it was very advanced. He was early 30's and apart from reacting bad to chemo he has had an amazing recovery and is fitter than ever.

Thank you so much for all the replies. It really means a lot. Today has been rough and we're dreading tomorrow.

He's 43 whatwouldlesleyknopedo. We have a 14 year old dd and I think he's trying to shield her from a lot of it too :( she's not daft and has overheard us talking and stuff so she knows what's going on. I've told her form tutor because she's complaining of feeling shaken and sick in waves every now and then and I can't tell if it's a genuine bug or if it's anxiety. Her school have said they will put some support in place and make sure that is she feels overwhelmed or ill in class she can get up and leave and go to head of year office until she feels better and they'll also look at reducing her homework if needed.

mrsfrumble I feel the same about thinking I shouldn't be more upset than him. It's a hard dynamic to describe but I can count on in hand the amount of times he's sat and spoke to me about emotions other than happiness but I know when he's sad, he doesn't have to say it if that makes sense. He can try pretend he's ok but the unfinished meal or giving me free choice of what we watch on tv all give it away and he knows I know but doesn't voice it. It sounds stupid but I can tell what mood he's in by the way he opened the front door: He says I know he's had a bad day at work before he does 😂

He's slept most of the day and is sleeping again now. Not eaten anything other than a slice of toast. It's been an up and down day.

He's not sure if he wants me to go In the actual hospital with him tomorrow because he doesn't want me worrying about it and while I'd rather be there with him I can understand why he may feel better knowing I'm outside if he needs me. I've been backwards and forwards to same hospital with a health condition of my own (not as serious as his though) and at the time I didn't want him coming in the actual appointments because I wanted to absorb and take it the info myself a few minutes. The plan is to go with him and if when we get there he feels he'd rather go in alone I'll wait in the car for him, if he wants me to sit and wait with him then I'll do that too.

He hasn't had surgery but they've told him today that once the radiotherapy and chemo is finished then they want to remove the testicle as a preventative measure. He's said the chemo is fully optional but advised. He's told me everything he can remember and has been answering questions all evening but it's all overwhelming. He'd been given a bunch of leaflets at his first round of radiotherapy but because he was trying to not let people know he threw them away so I'm going to pick up some more from the Macmillan office in the hospital tomorrow.

From what I understand he's got radiotherapy tomorrow morning and again Friday morning, then in two to three weeks time he has to go to a different hospital to have a scan because the local hospital doesn't have the big rotating scanner (that's how he described it) and receive three or four days radiotherapy again and chemo tablets. Then another three or so weeks after that more radiotherapy and chemo tablets and sometime after that testicle removal.

He's self employed so can take as long as he needs off but downside is no sick pay, Macmillan have offered help with benefits and things but he wants to play it by ear for a few weeks and see if he can manage a day or two here and there, which would pay more that statutory sick pay anyway.

He's given the name of the cancer he has but am not googling until I've read leaflets first. I think google out all the worse case health stuff on the first million pages and I always always scare myself shitless.

Thank you so much again for the replies they've really really helped. Will probably be back for a pity party tomorrow when we get home. I'm sorry post is so long too.

As he's under 50, he might find Shine Cancer Support useful. They have a Facebook group, which is great for sharing experiences and finding others with a similar diagnosis. They also have a Plus Ones group for anyone supporting someone else with a cancer diagnosis, so that might be helpful to you.

It's good that DD's school are supportive. And it sounds like you're doing a great job of supporting your DH, whilst respecting his wishes.

It's definitely best to steer clear of Google.

All the best