Hi I had to reply as I have been to some extent where you are.
I had an emergency illeostomy 6 years ago, I was diagnosed with Crohns very late and was very ill with blockage and perforated bowel so had emergency surgery and woke with a stoma.
I am very fortunate in that I had a successful reversal after nearly a year but that year was the worst year of my life.
I too struggled with hearing people say how their life continued as normal and it was best thing ever for them as that was not my experience at all.
I had constant leaks, my bowel nurse at the hospital was worse than useless and like you could not wear my normal clothes. I also slept every single night sitting up against 7 pillows as if I tried to lie down the bloody thing leaked. I spent, like you, a lot of the night emptying it so was constantly exhausted. I would be screaming with the pain as it stung so bad and was leaking yet again.
I am sure you have lots of tips, etc after so many years of struggling but I will post all of the things I tried anyway just in case any of them are new to you.
You need to eat regularly, little and often as this helps to thicken up the flow. White carbs helped me, all the bad things as we are normally told. White toast and mashed potatoes were my go to foods.
Eat marshmallows and jelly babies as these for some reason also help to thicken flow. Also apple sauce helps, a couple of spoonfuls a day.
I wore like you, one pair of leggings which were comfortable but I tried to buy nice tunic type tops which were long and loose. In the summer long, loose maxi dresses.
I found that there were so many different types of bags available and ways to build the bags up so that there was a better fit. I learned this from the internet and many hours of sobbing in desperation at the crohns helpline. My hospital were absolutely useless.
www.salts.co.uk/ is the company which I switched to for supplies. They were fabulous. A nurse came out several times and spent time talking about my issues and suggesting different options. She showed me that my bags had been the wrong size hole so changed that and we tried different bag options.
There is also a thickener which you can put into the bag which makes it thicker so reduces leaks slightly. It is like a tiny teabag almost and used to put 2 or 3 in. I can't remember what they are called but come in a big white tub.
I know that this probably doesn't help much but I have been where you are now and felt the same and it is a dark and lonely place. I have blocked out so much of that time of my life.
I know it is difficult but please stop hitting the stoma as this will obviously not help. If you hate the look of it there are also covers which you can get, from ebay I think. I had one as like you I couldn't bear to see it and what was in it.
I wish I could do or say something more to help but I know it doesn't help but if there is anything even just talking about it please message me.xx