New year, new thread - cancer support thread 68 - join us if you have cancer, or are waiting for cancer-related tests

[WhatWouldLeslieKnopeDo]

Hello everyone,

Welcome to the new thread. Our previous one is here.

Anyone with any cancer is welcome, or anyone waiting for tests because they might have cancer. If you're new, just jump in wherever. Don't feel you need to catch up with previous posts. We talk a lot! Ask any questions you need to. Someone will hopefully have an answer. And feel free to post photos of cute pets too.

Whether you're new or not, it's helpful to post a little introduction on the new thread to save people trying to remember everyone's different diagnosis and treatment.

Flippy that is brilliant news. I'm so pleased

Leslie You are amazing. I know we don't like to use the word 'brave', but I think it is a very brave decision to cancel your appt after all you've been through. I wish I could give you a real life hug.

Hi. I hope you don't mind me coming on here. I am wanting to ask something for my DD who is 17. Her closest friend has cancer, diagnosed and then tests done - stage 4. Lump in her thigh / leg (DD not sure) plus in her lungs. I don't know where it started but she is giving up college and has been told it will be a year or more of treatment.

How can my daughter support her friend? How can I support my daughter to do the right thing for her friend? Friend has moved away so it is about 4 hours to visit and DD is going to do that regularly. She is also focusing on friend type stuff when chatting (mostly music which they both love) as friend is fed up with people walking on eggshells.

Any advice? We have extensive family experience with people with cancer at 70+ but not at 17.

Will read through properly later. Thanks for all the thoughts.
I back languishing in my own nest! Mastectomy done and it looks very neat; the radioactive stuff showed up a rogue cell (can't remember what their called!) so I think they also removed some lymph nodes today. Think I'm still in a little bit of a haze!
Waves all round, hope everyone is ok and I'll catch up tomorrow.
Ps I wasn't ready for tea and toast so I got tea and rich tea biscuits and then tea and toast!

Hi Cis we are all undergoing treatment for cancer ourselves so have a somewhat unique perspective on things... you might find more support by starting your own thread in the Life-limiting section where there are a couple of similar threads.

I think everyone will tell you that the most important thing you can do is listen to what the patient wants. Don't decide you're going to do x, y z or assume they will want a, b, c. Ask them what support they would like. Best wishes

Cis The Macmillan website also has excellent resources and advice.

Cis so sorry for your DD’s friend. As TwitterQueen says, not making assumptions is really important (not saying your DD) would. My advice would be to treat her exactly as she always has, not like a cancer patient (generally imagined to be a tragic figure or a saint!). The friend will have all the same boy/girl worries, “trivial” interests etc that they had before. Cancer doesn’t become everything you are. Visiting is great, as is checking in by text (or whatever the kidz use nowadays!) in between. Generally making sure to offer the same invites etc as she would have before is good too- even if friend can’t manage to join in.

Sorry if that was all very obvious!

Hello again,

Since my first post about two weeks ago, I've been lurking and have been blown away by the strength shown by you ladies.

I'm lucky in that my biopsy showed one lump and treatment appears straight forward. Had my post-op today and now it seems so real, I've kept really positive and am still, but it was the side effects and the after care which threw me a bit today. But again I remain positive which is in part due to the stories shared by you all. So thank you.

I know first hand how it can go wrong, my mother is in palliative care

Oh well done madrose sounds like you’ve got through all that really well (and with sanity intact). Really sorry to hear about your mum. That must make your own scare a million times worse to deal with. I hope she is being really well looked after

@WhatWouldLeslieKnopeDo an understandable decision. Very gentle hugs. The new mattress sounds amaze.

@noodles44 . I could see my CT. i thought it rather funny that operated boob was a somewhat perky hill, whereas old boob looked like blamange sliding down a hill! Are you having it at ES? I found the whole go into changing rooms, shut one door, sit and wait until other door opens a bit odd. Once, I think they forgot me. I was sat there for ages! It can get a bit chilly in the room. You will find, after a few sessions, that you can get up on the bed and position yourself next to perfectly. The radio bit is really quick. It's the faffing about moving you a mm which takes time.

Hi everyone sorry haven’t been on much today due to visitors so will catch up tomorrow. Just want to say glad your op is done ranout and you are home.

I discovered today that the “softie” thing they gave me in hospital is enormous and no way will it fit in any of the mastectomy bras I’ve bought so ended up buying a different one online. It’s ok going around bra less at home but would like to look somewhat symmetrical when I eventually go out.

Thanks @Mrstraveller can they change your softie? They said if mine wasn't right they would.
@WhatWouldLeslieKnopeDo I'm not sure what to say about no more treatment other than I hope it was positive in that it was your decision to make. I'm sure it must have been difficult for your lovely parents.
@madrose keep positive all the talk about side effects is a bit shit but remember they are worst case scenarios. I think I let them go in one ear and out the other now!
@FlippyNeck brilliant news. Is it too crass to hope you were celebrating last night?
@noodles44 that's impressive breath holding! I think I talk too much to be able to do that!
@purpleunicorns gosh getting sorted must have been hard but do you feel a bit more at ease for having done it? I'm sure it will help your loved ones in the long term and I'm so pleased you have such a good friend. We certainly know who they are when shit like this happens.
Still catching up with the thread, if I haven't replied to everyone it doesn't mean I'm not thinking if you. 💐all round.

Welcome home @ranoutofquinoaandprosecco

@Mrstraveller agree with the asking them to change. My lot sent me home with 4 AND a heart shaped cushion so I have one for upstairs (that I bought) and one for downstairs

Thanks everyone x

Thanks for all your kind words. I actually feel much more relaxed having made the decision and made it official. Now I don't have to worry about any of that.

Sorry not to have posted much. I'm quite sleepy at the moment :)

ranout I hope you are recovering well

Fantastic news Flippy that has made my day. I was desperately hoping it would be something harmless.

purple great news about the Macmillan nurse. I hope you will get to have lots of adventures in your wheelchair :)

Namechange no, my oncologist hasn't been in touch and I doubt he will. He's very uncomfortable about death and stuff

I tried the oat milk. It's a disconcerting grey colour, and it tastes of porridge. It would be OK on cereal or something. But it didn't taste that nice with Nesquik. Plus it made me cough the same as cow's milk.

Thanks @KeepCalm and @WhatWouldLeslieKnopeDo I'm downstairs with my lovely heart pillow, dosed up and trying not to binge eat as I'm bored already!
@WhatWouldLeslieKnopeDo have you tried almond milk? I don't drink diary and quite like it? Could it be making you cough as it's too cold, that happens to my mum.

Ranout I feel much better knowing everyone's in order so if anything does happen then it's all sorted. It was tough writing letters to my family, especially my 16 year old DS but I'm glad I've had the chance to do it.

So pleased that you're feeling ok about stopping chemo Leslie How are you feeling? I think as long as I'm comfortable and not in pain then I'll be happy with that. Although I have sciatica in my leg and it bloody hurts despite the Macmillan nurse increasing my painkillers, I can't even have morphine anymore thanks to my kidneys

Holy shit @purpleunicorns how on earth do you even start that letter? Well done lady, well done

I’m not so good at keeping up with a long thread, but love to you all. I quite like oat milk on cereal and it makes a nice cappuccino, but generally I go for full fat cows milk.

purple I hope the increased dose starts to work soon - what medication is it? Some of them take a while to build up, which is very frustrating when you're in pain

Well done on writing the letters. I tried, but I couldn't think of anything to say. I'm sure your family will really appreciate them.

Have you done your power of attorney? That's quite important and takes about 8 weeks to get it sorted. You can do it all online, I think. I decided it's too late to try and get mine.

I've been mainly leaving practical instructions. And teaching my mum how to use the Sky box!

ranout I've not tried almond milk. I have a carton of hazelnut milk somewhere that I ought to try. I am hoping it tastes like liquid Nutella are you lactose intolerant or do you just not like it?

Sorry for leading us all off on a milk tangent

I've just had a little bit of normal milk and my cough is no worse, so obviously all the fuss was for nothing.

When I was in Derbyshire I had a glass of raw milk. It was delicious. I highly recommend it. Perhaps not if you're on chemo though as it's unpasteurised.

Hi,

I hope everyone has had a good day & keepcalm, pandora mrsT & ranout are all recovering well from your ops.

Yes flyingarcher I am at ES for my radio. They all seemed very friendly & I also got left in a side room for a while. Didn't take my robe as I thought that was just for when doing the actual radio, so had a huge gown on. I didn't see any CT pictures though, was just watching the yellow line for my breathing!

Glad you feel relaxed and ok with the lack of oncologist appt now Leslie although, given his line of work, I am surprised he is so obviously uncomfortable around the subject of dying...

purple they must have been very difficult letters, but I bet it is a weight off your mind to have them written just incase.

Really good to hear your news flippy

I have had a haircut today, it sounds ridiculous when I have very little hair, but the fluffy bits have gone and I now look to have (a super short) style. My hairdresser was really lovely and wouldn't let me pay either, I picked up a Costa for her before going and she said to call that the cost of the trim

I have got major issues with my big toe toenails all of the sudden. They are really grim to look at and one looks about 3x the usual thickness. They are so sensitive under the nail though. I am fine in boots (as long as footwear is not too tight) but I knelt down yesterday (rested on the top of my feet) and it was really sore. Even the weight of my quilt feels too much for them if my feet are at the wrong angle. I need to mention it at my next Oncologist appt I guess, but they have gone from being mildly uncomfortable to being absolute agony and really sensitive.

That's about it for my news really. Feeling a bit down about my toes and upcoming radiotherapy. It is my birthday next week and I couldn't feel less like celebrating!!

I hope everyone has a good night & apologies if I have missed anyone. Have had a houseful of kids after school today for a play and tea and I am whacked now!

@Mrstraveller There is a group called knitted knockers who will knit a soft, non itchy boob. My sister got me one from her friend who knits for them when I thought I was going to have a mx.

leslie on the side note of milk, almond & hazelnut are delicious in coffee. I am a child of the 70's who was forced to drink 1/4 pint bottles of warm milk that was left in the school hall (in direct sunlight) for hours before we drank it. I now cannot bear to drink milk as a result (unless chocolate or banana flavoured)
I like the alpro coconut milk drink blitzed with fruit as a smoothie too

That sounds grim noodles and I'm not surprised it scarred you for life! I like mine cold. My usual coffee shop order is a glass of iced milk, as I don't like tea or coffee.

Congratulations on your first post-chemo trim. It's nice to tidy it up as it's always so wispy and uneven at first. That's really kind of your hairdresser :)

Did you have tax? That's renowned for causing nail problems. I think other chemos do too though. Definitely speak to your medical team. But I'd highly recommend seeing a podiatrist. They should be able to do something to relieve the pain

Goodnight lacies