Cancer support 67. Waiting for tests, just diagnosed or needing a handhold through treatment

[purpleunicorns]

Welcome to the 67th cancer support thread, the previous one can be found here.

If you're looking for advice, have any questions or just need some support while you're waiting for test results or treatment to start then pull up a seat and make yourself comfortable. You can rant, cry or scream if you need to but we do have some laughs along the way

No questions are silly so please don't feel embarrassed about anything you want to post. The chances are at least one of us has been there at some point!

There's a whole variety of people with different cancers at different stages and nobody goes unanswered, the people on here are amazing (even if I do say so myself ) and they have been a massive support to me over the last year.

If you have a friend or family member with cancer then there's a support thread for you here with lots of practical advice to help you support your loved ones

At the beginning of each thread we give a brief summary of who we are and what we have to save us trailing back through old threads

Here's mine: Im 35 and was diagnosed last October with cervical cancer, despite chemo and radiotherapy I found out in June that it had spread and I'm now having palliative chemo to keep me stable. A scan a few weeks ago showed that there was no new growth after 4 lots of chemo. 2 more chemos to go for me so I'm hoping it stays that way

Good that you know for sure Mrs - now you can absorb the info and get your head round it. I haven't regretted my decision to have a mastectomy for one moment, and can't wait to get the other one off next year!

Leslie what a truly lovely thing for MNHQ to do - I guess they must still monitor our threads?

You'll always be gingeroots to me peridito! Lovely to see you I didn't realise either. They're big softies really.

cleanasawhistle has it really been four years?! lovely to see you too. How are you doing now?

It's always lovely when "oldies" pop in. And I'm sure it gives hope to those currently going through treatment.

Mrstraveller it's very good news that the chemo has shrunk the lump I know it's a big op, but hopefully it will feel much better when everything is removed.

KBG yes, I suppose we had better be on our best behaviour

KBG

Yes that’s how I feel. I have every confidence in the Consultant and I’m sure it’s for the best in my case.

Xx

Hi Leslie ,yes 4 years .
Diagnosed with stage 3 aggresive breast cancer.My third operation was a mastactomy and node clearance.
Also had chemotherapy and radiotherapy.

I am well thank you .

Leslie I can’t think of anyone who deserves those beautiful flowers more

Hi, I’m new here. I’m at the “in need of hand holding while waiting for tests” stage.
Saw a consultant yesterday who thinks I have a melonoma on my vulva. Who knew you could get one there?!
I’m waiting to know when my appointment for a biopsy will be - probably just after Christmas- so I know I’ve got weeks of uncertainty ahead of me. I suffer quite badly from anxiety, so don’t cope well with uncertainty.
We’re going to my mum’s for Christmas but she’s in hospital- physically she’s not bad but she has dementia and whenever I visit her she just cries because she wants to go home. So Christmas was always going to be hard.
I know my brain is racing ahead and imagining the worst. I’ve been trying to just deal with the next 60 seconds, but I’m very bad at it!
Any tips to keep things in perspective?

Goodness Toofaroutallmylife you've got a lot on your plate. I hope that you get your biopsy appointment quickly. The waiting and uncertainty is very difficult. Do you have any treatment for your anxiety? Sorry about your poor mum. It's bad enough being in hospital, let alone with dementia. I hope that she's able to go home soon - is she likely to still be in hospital over Christmas? Sorry, I don't really have any useful tips. Try to stay busy and distracted as much as possible!

Namechange that's very kind of you. How are you today?

I'm really glad to hear that clean

Hi toofar I’m glad you’ve found us. We all know how terrifying and overwhelming the waiting can be. We’re here for a hand hold.

Leslie thanks for asking! But wheezy and coughing pretty violently but I am just hoping (and telling myself) that it’s all the chest infection. What do you have planned for your Friday night?

Thanks Leslie - no, mum won’t be home for Christmas - they are trying to get her into a care home for a few weeks but no one is taking new residents before Christmas. I’ve had therapy for the anxiety so I know the strategies but find applying them difficult!

Namechange it is the infection remember, the sneaky consultant was pleased with your scan chest infections are grim. Hopefully you'll feel much better soon. I find a hot water bottle or heat pad on my chest/back helps a bit.

I'm coughing in solidarity, but mine is just because my lungs are pretty buggered

I hadn't even twigged that it was Friday, tbh! We are about to watch the Long Song. Not sure if it's any good. And I'm knitting a scarf.

Oh no Toofar it's a shame she will be there for Christmas. I hope they find her somewhere quickly in the New Year. It's hard when you're actually in the moment, isn't it. I've been taught various relaxation techniques, but then when I actually need them I find myself not able to do them.

Hi toofar

I’m another one who knows all the theory about dealing with anxiety but am rubbish at applying any of it .

I’m sure we are all happy to provide a hand hold whilst you wait.

Sorry to hear about your mum being in hospital over Christmas.

Xx

How lovely to receive those beautiful flowers from MNHQ Leslie and what a deserving recipient. I'm glad they have brightened your day.

The pancakes were yummy, the nurse arrived part way through, so my Mum took over the cooking...

Hi toofar sorry you find yourself here, as the others have said, the waiting is the worst part. I found keeping busy helped me and I have done a fair bit of decorating this summer as a distraction...
I hope you don't mind me asking (& please don't feel you have to answer) but was this noticed at a routine smear test or had it bee causing you discomfort? Hopefully it will turn out to be nothing worrying, but I know that will not stop you worrying whilst you wait.
Sorry about your Mum too, hopefully she will get into somewhere asap in the new year.

namechange chest infections are grim, I had one about 3 or 4 years ago and it completely floored me then. I seem to remember steaming my head over Vicks in boiling water helped ease the gunk a bit. Plus antibiotics as my chest went all crackly. Keep an eye on it though...

Glad you know what op you are having now mrsT so you can get used to the idea. Did they do node biopsies initially when your cancer was spotted? I seem to be more mobile today (10 days post op) and am on minimal pain killers too. My drain is still with me, I don't think they will take it out until Monday now.

I am a bit paranoid today that I am about to get shingles. My daughter has chicken pox and I now have a few red lumps on the side of my face. Probably spots or a rash as my skin feels quite dry, but I have convinced myself it is the start of a shingles rash as one of the red lumps is approx 1cm diameter. Not sore though, so I have slathered myself in bio oil & fingers crossed they will have vanished in the morning. I seem to have a really dry scalp too, not sure if it is a post chemo effect as my hair starts regrowing or just post op as I haven't washed my hair yet as am still having half showers due to the drain being in still. I may have to rub my head in bio oil too if it continues!

I hope everyone has had a good night

Noodles I was warned to be very careful around bacterial infections such as chicken pox - so do take care and keep an eye on your temperature 🤒

Leslie I'm sorry, but not surprised, to hear you were feeling down. You have so much to deal with.Those flowers look beautiful and you so deserve them.

I received a pm today from someone who has not posted on the thread but obviously has read it. They were just asking for a bit advice re lung cancer and I was more than happy to answer any questions I could. It just proves how useful these threads are and particularly the intro's at the start of each thread.

I can't name check everyone I'd like to because I'm rubbish at it, but purple and KeepCalm I'm sending you both positive vibes, also to those due to undergo surgery and start treatment.

You are all amazing
Wishing you all a peaceful Christmas 🎄

Thanks knicker I will keep an eye on it & see what the visiting nurse thinks 2mo if it is still there. I had my last chemo on 2nd Nov, so am hoping my immunity is more or less back to normal now. I have read online it takes 21-28 days to do that, so fingers crossed! It will seem like insult to bloody injury if I get shingles (on my face, with no hair to disguise it) after having had chemo all summer....

Leslie I’m a lurker on this thread because my lovely DH has an incurable cancer which is being treated for the time being - but we know that won’t always last.
You are a wonderful woman and you have no idea how much your posts help people like me. I’ll be thinking of you over Christmas and wishing you many moments of being at peace x

Hello all. I'm finally here, after trying to persuade myself for months that I don't have 'real' cancer. But I do, I have cervical cancer with which I was diagnosed in October. I'm having a hysterectomy in January. I'm 36, my children are 9 and 7 years old. I'm pre-menstrual with what will be my last ever period.

I need to get through a happy family Christmas, for the children's sake. They know about my cancer, we followed all the advice from a Macmillan booklet about being honest. We were positive too, as the prognosis is good and my treatment will 'only ' be surgical. But it's so hard- I feel like I've cast a shadow over their childhood.

My son is sad tonight- he wrote to his class elf that he needed advice because he was stressed about his mum having an operation for cancer, and he would like to know how to keep calm. The 'elf' gave the children back their letters today, unopened and without a reply. He was so sad, he must have been counting on it. I'm so angry about it tonight, and can't understand why that would happen. The teacher knows about my illness and is meant to be looking out for him.

I want to make it all ok for them, and I don't know how.

Appin sorry you've had to join us, but welcome. I don't have children so hopefully someone with similar ages will be along later and able to advise you more. There are sometimes local charities that offer counselling for children, which would maybe help him with his anxiety.

Thank you dahliaaa all the best to you and your husband. I hope his treatment continues working for a long time to come.

noodles fingers crossed it's not shingles. Good luck with the nurse.

wombat it's lovely that they felt able to contact you and that you could help. It really is a great thread

Thinking of you purple if you're reading (do not worry about replying!)

Waving to everyone this morning. I hope you slept well.

I'm feeling a bit flat really. Everything feels pointless. I need to snap out of it as we are having a little Christmas party this evening. My parents do it every year so I said they should go ahead. Hopefully it will cheer me up

Love and tinselly hugs to everyone who needs it today.

Leslie you naughty girl you don’t need to snap out of anything! The party will be lovely I’m sure but if you are a bit quiet, or just sit with a plate (tray) of cheese and crackers glaring at people who come near you, no one will be bothered. In fact I’ve come to realise that people do not notice as much as I think they will. Flat is totally fair enough. You’re feeling crap and this Christmas is having so much emotion piled onto it. Be a bit nicer to yourself please (as you would tell us). Failing that stick on a Christmas film and guilt trip someone into making you a nice hot chocolate.

Hi Appin no one here really thinks of themselves as a cancer patient. It’s a big adjustment to make, and one which I definitely haven’t!

It sounds like they have a good plan for you. Children are so much more resilient than we give them credit for. At the moment they need all the cuddles and reassurance for sure but I don’t believe that they will look back at this time and think anything other than “my mum is hard as nails”. it sounds like you have done so much to keep everything safe and lovely and normal for that. No shadows (no long term ones anyway). I say that as someone whose parents had some serious illnesses and who had quite a bit themselves as a child. All I took from it was that when people say that your family are there for you through anything, and that you all stick together and support each other, it’s really true. Sorry I think Christmas is making me sentimental. Better go to Waitrose and swear at some elderly early morning shoppers to redress the balance.

I want to make it all ok for them, and I don't know how

In case my post was a TL:DR situation, you already are. You sound like an amazing mum to me.

Good morning all

I've got my parents here for a couple of days so I've been reading but not writing! Just a quick one @Appin I'm sorry to hear your news, but glad you have a plan of action. I've got DCs 5 and nearly 8 I was diagnosed with breast cancer last July. We were upfront with them, especially as I've had chemo so I look different. Their pretty cool about it. My Ds 5 was worried it would hurt when they cut my boob off yesterday so I just explained they would give me special medicine to put me to sleep and do it then so I wouldn't feel it! I find if I give them answers they are content. My DD nearly 8 has been joining a weekly counselling session at school which has been great. It's run through a company called Jenbys it may be worth looking them up? Their local to me but may have some advice. Could you send the letters to Father Christmas yourselves? Leave them by your fire if you have one and leave a response from the elves?

What beautiful flowers Leslie and how lovely of MNHQ to send them to you. I hope they made you feel a bit better, knowing how much everyone on here values your support and loves you.

Appin sorry you find yourself here but this a good place where you can rant and rave and cry and shout - feel free. We also have a few laughs along the way.

Purple I hope you are recovering and that they let you out very soon.

I had a very merry afternoon on the pub with ex work colleagues - our annual drinkfest. It's always lovely to see them - we've been through a lot together..

Waving to everyone else - it's getting a bit manic here. I'm on a wrapping marathon.

TQ I'm glad you had a fun time with your colleagues good luck with the wrapping!

ranout I hope you're enjoying your parents' visit

Namechange thank you I'm looking forward to seeing people. I quite like just sitting and listening to people chat about "normal" stuff, even if I don't have much to contribute myself. And there will be plenty of cheese. I hope you didn't have to swear at too many people in Waitrose and that you got plenty of nice treats

I'm knitting a unicorn at the moment! So thinking especially of purple