Cancer support 67. Waiting for tests, just diagnosed or needing a handhold through treatment

[purpleunicorns]

Welcome to the 67th cancer support thread, the previous one can be found here.

If you're looking for advice, have any questions or just need some support while you're waiting for test results or treatment to start then pull up a seat and make yourself comfortable. You can rant, cry or scream if you need to but we do have some laughs along the way

No questions are silly so please don't feel embarrassed about anything you want to post. The chances are at least one of us has been there at some point!

There's a whole variety of people with different cancers at different stages and nobody goes unanswered, the people on here are amazing (even if I do say so myself ) and they have been a massive support to me over the last year.

If you have a friend or family member with cancer then there's a support thread for you here with lots of practical advice to help you support your loved ones

At the beginning of each thread we give a brief summary of who we are and what we have to save us trailing back through old threads

Here's mine: Im 35 and was diagnosed last October with cervical cancer, despite chemo and radiotherapy I found out in June that it had spread and I'm now having palliative chemo to keep me stable. A scan a few weeks ago showed that there was no new growth after 4 lots of chemo. 2 more chemos to go for me so I'm hoping it stays that way

Oops would help if I actually linked it thedoctorskitchen.com/podcasts/episode-5-eat-to-beat-cancer.

Keepcalm - so so sorry 💐. When you say urgent does that mean they’ll do surgery straight away rather than trying to shrink with chemo? Mine seems to have responded well to AC chemo (no MRI, just the oncologist looking and feeling). I have also read about some trials which are showing that immunotherapy is looking promising for triple negative bc. There’s been lots of research and development in the field of triple negative recently so I’m hopeful something will work for you xxxx

Thanks for the podcast Taytots - am at leisure centre ignoring watching my childrens’ swimming classes so will have a listen when I get home.

Is anyone else just sick of this shit? I hate that it's on my mind CONSTANTLY, and that I wake up and go to sleep thinking about it.

Sorry, haven't introduced myself properly on this thread yet! Breast cancer, Stage 4, found out in the 24th of September.

Yes BitofFun - I think about it constantly too. People treat me differently now as well. It’s really really shit.

Hello @NicoAndTheNiners sorry to find you here but welcome 

I forgot I haven't introduced myself here either. Diagnosed with BC on 24th Sept. grade 3, triple negative primary cancer. Secondary lung. So essentially stage 4. 3 doses of dosetaxcel (sp?) and the primary tumor (BC) is still growing/active & agressive. New plan required. Urgent referral to radiology for a CT scan early this week apparently.

@Simmi1 I'll maybe start taking a more grown up approach to this shit and look into that, thank you.

@BitOfFun it is utterly fucking exhausting isn't it. I burst into tears yesterday as DH told me that MIL was going to phone.

I then had to apologetically explain that whilst I wasn't a bad person I was all done trying to make other people feel better and that she and I haven't HAD that 'phone call' relationship before now so I don't have the energy to start it. I've just spent the past 4 days thank them for (fuck all) ALL the support and prayers I'm getting from their church 'back home'. Aye, alright then  DH has told me just to ignore her and he'll deal with them bless him.

@Taytotots thanks for the podcast like. As soon as I stop shovelling advent calendar sweets in my cake hole I'll give it a whirl

Thinking of you all today ladies. You are ALL absolute troopers

@KeepCalm -fuuuuck, I'm so sorry!

Definitely sick of this shit here too

Nico welcome fingers crossed that it's benign.

I hope everyone got some sleep.

KeepCalm, I've messaged you x

Welcome Nico everybody will tell you this but the waiting around is honestly the worst part of all of this. Hopefully you won't need to be here long but feel free to ask any questions if you have them

Hope you had a decent nights sleep Noodles, the B&B for your parents sounds like a good idea. As much as I love my family I love my space too

Waves to Tayto, Bitoffun and Simmi

Thinking of you Keepcalm. Is your brother still with you? Could you try and spoil yourself a bit today? Get your nails done or have a really long soak in the bath? You'll still be in shock so be kind to yourself

Leslie if you're going out today you make sure you wrap up warm. It's absolutely freezing here and it's supposed to snow later on. Hopefully you and TQ will hear back about your PIP soon, the only good thing about it taking so long is that it should get backdated

Morning everyone. Hugs for everyone who didn’t get sleep. I recommend duvet on the sofa today as it is bloody freezing here.

Nico welcome. Waiting those 2 weeks is the absolute worst so chat away here if it helps. We will all be thinking of you and we know exactly how it feels (well as much as anyone knows how someone else feels!). We’re here for hand holding.

Try to remember though that most people who go through the 2 week wait business actually get good news at the end of it. We’re not normal (in any way!). If you look at the thread before this one (just because this one is quite new) you’ll see lots of people who got good news. But waiting for that news is bloody awful. Try to stay as busy as you can and be really selective about who you tell because some people will bring ALL THE DRAMAZ and make you feel worse than you did to start with

KeepCalm your DH sounds absolutely brilliant. He can absolutely take over dealing with his mother for you! What do you and your brother have planned for today? How old is your niece?

Keep Calm

I don’t like my MIL. She’s caused lots of issues over the years. DH and I have had lots of stressful times as well as good ones but she always manages to add to the stress with some trivial issue of her own. I really haven’t wanted to speak to her since my diagnosis so have only spoken to her once briefly since July when she called. My husband usually calls her every other day. My husband tells me she loves me but she’s been very nasty on a couple of occasions and I find it hard to forgive all the stress she’s caused, especially now. She has an almost non-existent relationship with her own daughter who is very low contact with her and calls round for an hour on a Sunday for a duty visit. I sometimes want to ask my husband why I’m expected to have more of a relationship with her than her own daughter who once told me her mother is a bitch . Sorry MIL diatribe over.

BitofFun
I often feel now that I’m in a version of that film the Matrix. There’s another parallel world out there but I’m in cancer world which is different. I can see and hear the other people but I’m not part of their world. I’m on 30 mg of anti depressant a day and I think they keep me relatively calm.

Morning all, hope you are all keeping warm. We have a yellow warning for snow and amber warning for ice here so I'm not going out anywhere today!

Just wanted to have a bit of a moan. My niece has posted one of those stupid memes about cancer on Facebook. It basically says all people with cancer want is to 'kick cancers butt'. How does the person who wrote that know what people with cancer want? I don't know about anyone else but I'd quite like a nice Christmas and a holiday, as well as 'kicking cancers butt'!! Maybe I'm just being tetchy and it's well meaning...!!

Caz I get very irritated by what I perceive to be stupid and insensitive comments and actions - don't get me started on Brave The Shave.

I don't think these trite statements are helpful to cancer patients at all. I get "You look so well!" a lot. I don't know why people think is helpful. I'm not well at all so I feel it's like "you're clearly not very ill at all!" but I know it's meant to be a positive boost... "Think positive" is another one. How the fuck do you do that if you have a terminal dx?

Leslie I was very tired yesterday but better today tx. Are you trying out your portable oxygen today? Not the best weather for that...

KeepCalm How are you feeling this morning? I hope you managed to get some sleep last night.

TQ maybe people think that if you think positively that you can magically make yourself better!! My friend who had terminal leukaemia just wanted people to talk frankly to him, his family glossed over everything and refused to acknowledge that he might not make it.
I keep having to say to DH that thinking positive isn't going to mean that they've got my lump out with a clear margin, it's just a fact whether they have or not so me being positive or negative isn't going to make any difference, I just have to wait and find out.

Morning all (just)

Thank you all for taking the time to reply, it really helps having you all here.

@BitOfFun I'm not sure how to get into my messages via the app on my phone but will have a look later on the laptop, thank you

@purpleunicorns have done my own nails and it looks like a bit of a blood bath tbh as I was aiming for a cheery festive red 

@Namechangeforthiscancershit am actually popping out with some friends to some festive crafty thing. Am going to adorn my van in fairy lights so cheer me up as have told Ford to cancel the lease and take it back. I love that van too . Tonight is our staff Christmas party so have to go and kick that off. I do love my staff but shamefully I'd rather be tucked up on the couch watching the strictly final! Pure party animal me!

@Mrstraveller the difficult part is they are both very nice people. I just don't have that kind of relationship with them and haven't the energy and am not nice enough to start one now! They visit once a year. Use it as a shopping trip base and will no doubt go home and spread all the 'golden grandparents' to their church etc

I, frankly, cannot be arsed. DH is an absolute diamond and I believe I have now reached the stage of not my monkeys, not my circus.

@TwitterQueen1 exhaustion blasts insomnia out the water thankfully and I managed a full, straight 6hrs. Am fed over my cold as Mon/Tues/Wed saw me sleeping 12hrs straight

Morning lacies, just catching up - so many posts that have me nodding in agreement! Yes to the mental torture of cancer being on my brain all day - yes to feeling like I'm living in a parallel world and def yes to people telling me how well I look...

I've had numerous messages since my first chemo on Wednesday asking how I am feeling - I know they mean well but I just can't put into words the low level nausea and anxiety that I am currently dragging around

And then I got in last night from my work Xmas dinner (just about managed 2 hours yay) to find some school mum friends had dropped off a little hamper full of gifts which was so overwhelmingly thoughtful...

There's a great website called notanotherbunchofflowers which was started by a lady who's survived cancer - great practical gifts and cards with very untrite messages on.

Thanks for the link to that podcast bytheway - was it noodles? I will look that up.

Nasty cold rain here in Surrey today - hope you guys are all tucked up cosy xxx

@KnickerBockerGlooooory I've had a few parcels from that website and whilst am exceptionally grateful for the kindness, I wish we didn't need to know the website existed if that makes any sense?!

I hate the phrase “kick cancer’s butt”. Frankly I wouldn’t have the energy. I’m quite glad I’m not on Facebook as I think I avoid a lot of the cancer related shite from people who know nothing.

Cold and windy in the NW. I have no intention of going out anywhere. Still in dressing gown.

I don't know about anyone else but I'd quite like a nice Christmas and a holiday, as well as 'kicking cancers butt'!! Maybe I'm just being tetchy and it's well meaning...!!

I totally agree. I’ve seen that post so many times and it makes me feel like I’m reduced to “just” a cancer patient. In fact, yes I would like a bigger house (or a tidier one- I’d settle for that), a flat stomach, a bunch of diamonds, whatever. Cancer is not the only thing about me.

Fuck me Gobsmacked!

Just got a letter from PIP saying they're going to give me £2,761.65 back payment from August, and then pay me weekly. In all seriousness I think I will use it to put a down payment on my funeral costs. And buy some bubbly

BOF yes, I'm so sick of it. It's so incredibly boring. Every single minute of every single day.

Woah TQ. That’s good news. Definitely get the bubbly as soon as you can. At least that’s one administrative nightmare you don’t have to deal with now