Aaargh - manic ...

[NotQuiteCockney]

When I was younger I used to have unpleasantly manic phases. Not alarming ones, I never self-harmed or did anything really stupid (well, no more stupid than I did the rest of the time, I think ).

I haven't had one for years and years, but appear to be having one now. I was never diagnosed as bipolar or anything, I don't think it's severe enough to need medical treatment, but I'm just finding it a bit unpleasant, like going down a hill too fast and not being able to stop.

I will go running today, which I hope will moderate things. I don't drink caffeine, generally, anyway. I avoid sugar, and eat well. Is there anything else I can do to stay on top of this? I don't mind it exactly, but I don't like the uneasy jittery feeling much. (Oh, and it would be nice to get a bit more sleep ...)

Hmmm, there was an interesting conversation with DH the night before this kicked off that I thought was the cause of this, but we talked it through some more, and now I'm not so sure.

I think it may just be a weird mix of too much going on and not enough? Last week was completely bloody bonkers, I had DS1 on half term, and either DH or I had something on every night.

My volunteer job is going to disappear (big meeting about it last week) and I will have more spare time, and I really do have to start doing something else, only what?

I suspect these worries are the cause of this phase?

I did do a long walk today, and will probably do long bike rides at the weekend. I might try doing a workout tape. I am still knitting.

I do see quite a few people, I don't think the social thing is part of the problem.

Hmmm, might try swimming with DS1 this weekend to calm? Water normally calms me ...

I'm not about to self-medicate. I have been trying to increase fish oils, had sardines on toast for lunch yesterday, taramasalata today.

One weird side effect, I normally have a wicked sweet tooth, but now I can't stand the thought of anything sweet. Sensible, I guess, as sugar normally makes me a bit hyper, but I'm hyper enough.

I think if I felt a bit more in control of the manic, I could enjoy it. But it's such a surprise, it's been so long since I had this, I'm finding it difficult ... maybe I can turn it around a bit more.

Yeah, I think that's a lot of it. Mixed feelings etc.

Plus a big trip home this summer, which I'm mostly looking forward to, and a 20-year highschool reunion , etc etc. It's no doubt a mix of all these things.

Oh, and I'm working my way through How to Talk/Listen/Kids/etc, and that's bringing up a lot of difficult feelings.

(I am used to chaos, probably thrive on it. But I do need a bit of time off every day ... I'm dreading the three weeks between DS1 stopping school and us going away. He'll go to the ILs for at least a week ...)

Maybe it's calming down a bit? At least, I've been doing much better at managing the kids today. (Maybe part of the problem was, yesterday my bike broke, after I'd just gone and collected a replacement for a missing bit, and I was annoyed about all that.)

At any rate, I don't think I've been shouting, and DS2 hasn't hit or kicked me today, so hurrah!

How did the alcohol affect you, NQC, did you try it?

No, haven't tried it. Might tonight? I can't drink at all when I have childcare responsibilities, it makes me ridiculously demanding and shouty and unhappy.

DH suggested booze too ... but I think it might just make me more hyper.

I am at least sleeping normally. It's not easy to fall asleep, but not hard, either.

I woke this morning, thought it might be morning, asked DH what time it was, he said '5', so I lay still for what felt like a half hour, but must have slept, because it was 6:30 when I got up. Which was an improvement. I do feel better-rested today, too.

Just wondered. Trust yourself, if you think it might make you worse? Hope the sleep has calmed things down a bit, does it seem to be passing yet?

I do think booze would make it worse. Might help it pass? Maybe? I might try one unit, or even a half. I drink so little that even small amounts have a strong effect on me.

Actually, I do think it is getting better. I feel much less antsy now, quite a bit more normal. Maybe this is the end of it, which would be nice, it's been going on since Wednesday morning ...

Glad to hear it's passing now. Take care

Hmmm, and I got my period yesterday. The manic is gone, or at least vastly reduced (manageable, not annoying me). I guess I'll have to watch out for it next month ...

Ha. It hadn't gone away, just left for the weekend. At least that gives me some clues as to what this is about - it is down to the (volunteer) job (happily) going away, and my reunion coming up and WTF am I doing with my life?!?!?

So, at least I know.