Need a convincing lie

[Totallynced]

Hello... Am going to be having a haemmoroidectomy in the next few months. I will have 2 weeks (& probably many more) of painful recovery time. I will tell my parents and sister but they're the only people I want to know. My parents will come and stay with me (I'm a single parent) for a while after I've had it done to help out.

What could I say that could be convincing enough to tell my two DDs (9&7), casual though regular boyfriend, my boss and team at work, local friends? I just don't want people knowing unless they have to thanks in advance x

Maybe an ulcer?

What will be the effects of the operation eg sore to sit down etc? Might help us think of something similar.

Could you have had a coccyx operation?

Thank you xx I think it'll hurt to sit down and to go to the toilet. An ulcer in my private parts do you mean?

A stomach ulcer - they are pretty nasty and people don't want to hear details!

Well no one needs to actually know that it will hurt to go to the toilet but they will see you sitting down and it be painful. I'd go for a coccyx operation to realign it after it was broken when you were younger and been causing problems lately.

Gynae procedure - no details. But if you need a sick note, that will state the correct reason.

Just say colorectal issues

Surely it's safer to say you're having an unspecified minor operation?

Sitting down wasn't a problem for me OP. It was going to the loo that was the issue!

You could go with an oldie worldy coyness and say "Women's troubles" or "An operation down below." Whilst maintaining a facial expression that is silently eloquent in demonstrating that no further details are to be asked and none will be forthcoming.
You can ask for 'Post surgical procedure' or similar to be put on your sick note.
Ask for some anaesthetic gel to use before you need a post op poo and eat stuff that will keep you..erm..soft. Sugar free mints for example.
The future comfort will be worth the initial discomfort.

Why do you need to lie. "minor op relating to my pregnancies" that's probably the truth and will shut them up.

@bastardkitty - Sick notes can be discreet if necessary. I would be happy to write "pain after operation" or something similar as the reason.

Some great suggestions here. I'm pretty rubbish at lying so I think something short and sweet will be the thing, also trying to avoid people as much as possible. What I tell my DDs will be a big thing for sure given that they live with me and still want to chat to me while I'm on the toilet. I only see my boyfriend maybe once a week so that might be ok. Maybe a vague reply and change the subject is the way to go... good to hear that the sick note can be non-specific; I don't want to have to use annual leave for 2 weeks but I'm prepared to. Loobylou10 someone's else who's had it done! I will PM you. Thank you all x

I’ve had a cyst in my groin/leg crease that needed draining. Sounds like you could say that as would have the same effects?

Why can't you tell your dd's the truth?! Or just tell them it's a personal operation and you're not comfortable discussing it, if you really can't just tell them?

It's your choice of course, but the more people make a mystery of their ailments, the harder it is for others to admit that they have the same problems and share their experiences.
The more you share experiences the more support you give and get.

Another one here that would say “women’s troubles” men will NOT ask any more w’s And women will be sympathetic.