wheelchair users and others with experiences to share - help please!

[policywonk]

My marvellous 64-year-old mother has recently become a wheelchair user (metastasized lung cancer in the brain - one of the tumours is affecting motor control on one side of her body). She has always been a fantastically independent and competent person, and for the first time since her cancer was diagnosed over four years ago, this development has really got her down. She finds it infuriating not to be able to do things for herself, and I think she's even becoming a little depressed. Also, she hates the indignity of having to get my father to help her use the toilet and wash.

I guess my question is, for those of you who use wheelchairs or who help to care for those who do, what can I do to help my mother come to terms with her situation?

Hiya, how lovely are you for trying to find practical help! I was in a wheelchair for a few months during my pregnancy and it's really horrible.

First of all: check out what is in your area - I used shopmobility services a lot, they can hire you electric wheelchairs if you don't have one and it's fab to go round the shops. I used to meet all my friends once a week and we'd run over small children in M&S

Second: contact your hospitals physiotherapy dept and ask them for their supplier list for adaptors for personal care, they will have a catalogue of stuff which can provide her with more independence (Boots also do a catalogue). I had a special seat for the bath, grab rails, and a long sponge on a stick so I could wash myself and maintain a bit of dignity.

Third: Make sure you mum gets some things that make her feel special. My DH bought me the most gorgeous dressing gown so that when I got out the bath (and I wasn't able to do it alone in spite of the rails etc) I could quickly wrap myself up and feel cossetted. He also arranged for me to go and get my hair done once a month and I really looked forward to it. Even silly things like painting my toenails made my day.

Fourth: Try and find community activities she can be involved with - our local WI has tons of women your mums age in wheelchairs and they don't let it stop them having raucous fun (I was really shocked at how drunk they get when they have parties!)

Hope that's given you a few ideas.

try these folks too!

Thanks, whomoved. I will get on to the things you suggest!

Anyone else?

bumpy bumpy (and the roads really are when you are in a chair) come on everyone, help us out here)

bump for the weekenders