Hopefully this is the right place to post. For a long time (almost my entire adult life) I’ve felt I’ve been out of kilter with life and how to live as a grown up. Superficially I seem fine to most as I’ve ticked most major milestones eg. Degree, professional qualification and successful career in challenging environment (although it eventually got to me after 12 years that I was on verge of breakdown), getting married, bringing up ten year old DS as a single parent and generally juggling life as best I can.
However, I seem to be the person that everything always seems to have things happen to them whether it is losing something essential, having stupid accidents which require medical treatment or having things happen to them which would never happen to anyone else. I seem to have a great track record of misreading situations, making stupid but costly and largely avoidable mistakes at work which I should have picked up on. I always feel that I am pretending to be a grown up and everyone else actually has it sussed. I feel like a total fraud and am waiting for someone to catch me out.
DS was recently diagnosed as dyspraxic and, with the benefit of this, I can start to see where we are actually rather similar. I have also looked at online info for ADHD and ADD and it seems that I tick many of the boxes for these too. It looks to me as if I have done a rather good job of covering up the most fundamental weaknesses of my personality so most people see me as forgetful and ditzy at worst. It probably also helps that most people see that I am juggling full time work in a demanding role, supporting DS with his diagnosis, bringing him up and dealing with day to life so no wonder I drop balls here and there.
For me though I know that I am not functioning at full capacity. It probably also doesn’t help that my attention span truly is bad unless it is something I am determined to see through (often something rubbish rather than something that would fulfil me - I have a stubborn streak too 😁!) This is not something new - I can certainly remember it from my entire senior school years.
I think for me another interesting factor is that I think I do have an obsessive/ compulsive/ addictive personality. I am very stressed at the moment with trying to deal with DS and his issues, work, ex-dh and the divorce so I know I am drinking too much and not sleeping enough.
What I want to know is how do I take all of this to my GP and ask for formal diagnosis and, ultimately, medication if appropriate. I am the queen of minimising how I feel and deflecting so I can imagine I wouldn’t really explain everything. I don’t want it to turn into a discussion about depression or anxiety as I don’t think they are the problem but if I do seem anxious or depression it is the by product of these issues.
I probably haven’t explained myself well enough but I hope it makes enough sense to guide me through what I should do. I am really keen to make the lifestyle changes required and know exactly what I should but every day I wake full of enthusiasm but then manage to sabotage myself by eating too much, getting stressed, having too much wine to decompress from the day after the slightest thing goes wrong.
I’m sorry this is so long but if anyone has some guidance I would be very grateful.