How much is too much ?

[Tillyboo]

I don't drink so I have no idea what is deemed to be too much so I can't advise, but a friend is concerned about her partners drinking habits.

He drinks 2 cans of lager most nights and 2, 3 or 4 of an evening at the weekend.

I know compared to some people this doesn't seem a lot especially when you see programmes about youngsters binge drinking at weekends but the concern is that there is a history of drink problems in his (immediate) family and my friend is terrified of history repeating itself.

She has spoken to him about it and he was very defensive and sort of admitted that he probably was drinking too much. He laid off it for a bit but then slips back to buying the cans on his way home from work.
He doesn't make the consuming of it very obvious really i.e. drinks it whilst cooking or out in the kitchen which in my eyes means he's hiding it a bit ?

I don't know how best to advise her about broaching the subject with him as it seems a very sensitive subject between them.

Any ideas?

I've been known to eat chocolate in the kitchen and hide it away in a cupboard when DH appeared. Ohh the shame...

But I take your point IF.

Our flat is so 'compact' that whatever I do in the kitchen inevitably wafts through to the lounge so I never do anything sneaky there. Except for be a bit shoddy with the washing up. Wooohhh!

I think the OP context of drinking in the kitchen is the issue here. The fact that he has admitted he probably drinks too much, cuts back then slips back to buying cans on way from work give the impression that there is something more serious here than a wind down whilst preparing dinner. The fact that her friend is concerned = instinct telling her that the drinking is or will be a problem.

I have a drink in the kitchen with my DH, preparing dinner etc. just like everyone else here is alluding to but the guy in question sounds like he has more to hide IMO. I speak from experience knowing what it's like to be counting the beers consumed by someone with a drink problem

Thankyou GoodShag for bringing this thread back to the seriousness it deserves.

The flippant remarks about a subject that is hugely worrying for someone who has seen the effects of alcoholism first hand doesn't make very constructive reading.

The fact that my friend has confided in me and I've posted on here for her was a very big deal indeed.

It's not just a 1 glass of wine we are talking about. This person has/ had alcoholism and drinking issues within their family with devastating effects so the concern is well founded.

Thanks to all with sensible postings. I will leave this thread now !

Tillyboo, really sorry, I was being ridiculously flippant. Not about your friend at all, only about some of the kitchen only comment posts. I take alcoholism very seriously and have also had it in my family and dp's. I hope you forgive my being light-hearted earlier. It wasn't appropriate.

Imaginaryfriend - Yes, I do. Thank-you for your post.

I didn't want to mention specific names so it is very good of you to apologise.

In reply to OP: maybe she should ask him to alternate his drinking with an alcohol free beer. So then he would only be having one drink, and one psuedo drink. Becks beer alcohol free is pretty authentic in terms of taste.

I agree that if it is a matter of contention / defensiveness between them, it is a problem...also if he has admitted it's probably too much but 'slipped' back into it, and doing it a bit slyly...

It sounds as though he is a bit dependant on it, the amount isn't too relevant here but alcoholism is defined as 'not being in control of it once you have your first drink'.

I would guess he has issues which could do with handling or facing, and he doesn't feel able to do this...thus the way of coping.

My Ds's father was an alcoholic, would drink beer from cans all day when at work (he worked alone as a painter/decorator) and insisted that nobody knew when he arrived home - this was sometimes up to 15 cans a day. He would collect his children from school (not mine) and take them home/to clubs etc. afterwards, totally over the limit...nobody did seem to notice for a few years, even their mother.

I hope your friend's partner's habits are obvious and he isn't hiding more of the same...no advice to your friend but to keep an eye, and eventually insist he deals with whatever is bothering him...but he must do so because he wants to.

Good luck to them both

Thanks tillyboo.

I hope your friend manages to sort out the situation.