16 years old with a DS (1) and cervical cancer, how can I .....

[hippopotamouse]

...help?

I was having a chat with the new girl (also 16) at work yesterday.

She has a best friend who had a really rough childhood and fell pregnant at 15. She has now been diagnosed with cervical cancer and is starting chemo on friday.

She has had an operation as well, although friend doesn't know what was done, only that she can't lift the baby now. New girl at work is going over to help every day before and after work and is really tired.

There is no-one else to help - father has never been involved and moved away from area before baby was born, her family are a bunch of drunks and junkies and she seems to only have this friend who can help!

Social services have recommended foster care for the baby until September when she should hopefully feel better. New girl and her friend don't want this to happen but I think it would be for the best and she could concentrate on getting better.

I'm 24 and assistant manager at work and think I'm the only person they have confided in.

Its a horrible situation for anyone to be in but at 16 years old with no family support and only another 16 year old for help must be worse!

What can I do to help?

bump

Do you have a local Surestart? Not sure but maybe they'll be able to help with the practicalities of the baby.

how do you know that she needs your help? does she not have a family? do you know her already?

What do they do?

I've got clothes from when my ds was that age and I've offered them and toys and stuff.

I've absolutely no experience with benefits (other than tax credits and child benefit) and no idea about social workers or what they do either, they must be involved though as they recommended foster care but don't know why no other help is being offered?

Aitch I don't know her, her friend works at my shop and seemed really upset. Her family live nearby but she has not been living with them for years, mother and father have alcohol and anger problems and I don't know about other relatives.

At 16 i'd have thought she and the baby could both be fostered together - assuming she's not living with a partner? I'm sure I have heard of schemes where young mums and their babies can both stay with a family - afraid I can't remember any names or contacts though but it might be worth a web search.

hipp - you only know what she is telling you and you don't know that no other help is being offered - she may have turned it down
Local voluntary orgs are often a good place to get additional support on top of statutory stuff
it is very hard to get involved with a situation like this (not that i am criticising your decision to want to do something).
If social services are involved i am sure they are signposting her to other agencies to help with benefits etc
Agree re Homestart as well

I thought that aswell snowleopard. I'm sure they are involved as she hasn't been living with her parents for years.

They also said about foster care from now until September for the baby but she doesn't want to do this and wants her friend to take the baby.

Ruby I only know what friend has told me and I don't believe that no one else seems to be doing anything either. New girl is on a government funded scheme to get young people with no qualifications into work so for all I know it could be made up but she seemed genuine enough

I think the best thing you could do would be to help them pursue the idea of a mum and baby placement in foster care.

In practice though it is very, very hard indeed to get a 16 year old into the care system I don't know how much hope there is. However the best initial port of call would be the social worker attached to the hospital where this girl will receive her chemo.

Thanks HG. I'm sure I couldn't do any of the phone calls or actual organizing for her, but I was thinking more like picking up leaflets or forms and helping them fill them out would be a help, just didn't know where to start!

Hippo - good for you for wanting to help.

Social Services should also be able to offer help by way of someone coming to the house to help out with the heavier tasks.

When I had ds2 by CS and my dh was in Singapore for a month, SS sent a lovely lady to help me with ds1 (severely disabled). She was there to carry him off the minibus, feed, bathe him and put him to bed, and came again in the morning until I could lift again.

Maybe you could call SS without mentioning any specifics and just see whether they could send a carer round.

Thanks for all the info x