depression - don't know what to do

[MissChief]

i'm finally realising need some help after years of ignoring/exercising/using st john's wort. been 'down' especially for past couple of months - acute insomnia, apathetic, bitter and distrustful, v anxious and feeling not much point to the day, ignoring dh and dd and bad company when with friends. much of this could be from lack of sleep (iv'e always had trouble, btw my dd is 3 and sleeps well so that's no excuse).
it's stupid, I know, like to think i'm a reasonably intelligent person but can't bring myself to face up to how i am and what to do to pull myself out - I KNOW what the options are but am not accessing them, wondering about trying private counselling (don't wt GP referral due to nature of my job), maybe relate or depression alliance. any thoughts, any suggestions gratefully received. I don't currently see any way out and can't believe that things will get better right now (but i know if a friend was saying this i'd assure them things do improve, i just don't believe it right now). i know this is stupid but I'm thinking i'm basically rather a lazy, malicious, immature person and would like not to be. i'll stop rambling now or could go on for ever.

Hi - thanks for your support. the sun is shining whihc helps and trying to access some counselling a private route and will try st j's again. it all seems to take such a long time though and don't always feel confident/strong/in need enough to push forward on this unless offers directly coincide with one of my worst days. Hope you're feeling okay charlize, sorry to hear about your situation.

Misschief - if you try St. John's Wort, make sure you get tablets with a standardised dose (the dear ones I am afraid!!). My personal opinion is that if you feel unwell enough to self-medicate it is worth taking your GP's advice, but if you feel unable to go to your GP, SJW has quite a good reputation for helping mild depression.

Charlize - how are you today ?

I completely agree with mummytosteven - your problems will still remain even after tackling your depression, but you will be better able to cope with the situations you are faced with.

If your husband has always been like this and keeps treating you like this and getting away with it, he will continue, if you are feeling alot stronger and in a better frame of mind and become more assertive, he may realise that he can't get away with it and youre starting to stick up for yourself. He's only doing it because he is a bully and he's getting away with it, making him feel powerfull.

My sisters friend was physically abused by her husband years ago, she enroled in Assertivesness classes which gave her the confidence and self respect to leave him, she is now happily married and obviously truly happy about what she did.

I wish you love and luck xxx

thinking about you this morning charlize xxxx

mistake - am 39!!

MissChief, there was a thread a while back with tips for avoiding depression. It sounds, to me, like you are depressed and could use a talk with your GP, but if you decide not to do that then I hope the tips help. (just reread that and it doesn't make a lot of sense -- hope you understand what I mean!)

The thread is here

Glad today is better for you.

Thanks so much everyone for your support it really made me feel I wasn't alone last night when I was feeling very down.
Iam feeling a bit better today as dh was in a good mood for him this morning and he has now gone to chester races for a stag do ..Yippee!
So Iam taking the kids out to the park and feel in a much better frame of mind.
Although I usually find I have a major slump after feeling good for a bit. Usually as soon as dh reminds me of everything by calling me F8ckwit or idiot.
But today I feel ok and Iam looking forward to my holiday in center parcs next week.
I go with my mum dad and sister and I look foward to it all year as for once iam in a house full of people who love me and theres always someone to talk to... I absolutly love it.
Dh doesn't come thank god.
Thanks again so much for all the support and I hope you are feeling better today too misschief.
Wild, i read your other thread so I know you understand a lot of what iam saying. Your dh sounds a bit like mine. My advice is if you have any way of getting out do it now . I wish I had 10 yrs ago before i was totally dependant.
The difference is though i think you said you do love your dh so obviously if you can work things out that would be good.
I hope you don't mind me butting in I just really felt for you and understood reading yourthread. You sound a really strong woman though and you work full time so perhaps you could make a life for yourself and your ds away from dh and one day meet a really nice caring partner. I do believe thay exsist.

I hope you have a lovely time at Centreparcs. I love going to the one at Penrith.

Hi Juniper, Yes we are going to Oasis at Penrith on Aug 30 th. We go same time every yr. The only thing is it is full of happy families so I feel a bit of a pang but I just enjoy the time there with the kids and mum dad and sis.
During my lowest lowest moments I close my eyes and remember all the happy times we have spent there over the last 5 yrs and i remind myself that i will be there soon again in our lovely little lodge and I wont be swore at or called names or be told to f8ck off for a whole week.
Bliss.

Charlize theres a thread opened for you under relationships called please help

Oops!! I forgot to post that. Hope it's ok that I did that Charlize. If it's not, please email [email protected] and ask them to delete it.

Thanks jj, Thats fine of course. I was looking for that thread but couldn't find it I will have another look.

I should have put a link to it: it's here

Don't know where you are in the country but I can recommend a good counsellor in Reading. Contact me on CAT if you're interested.

hi - i'd like to find out more about different kinds of therapy - wary of just going to any old counsellor..also what i can expect from a session etc. any ideas?

Oh lucky you Charlize say hello to the squirrels for me! We usually take my elderly ILs with us and they're addicted to the badger watch

Another nice time to go is just before or after Christmas when they have the lapland experience

gingernut - would be interested to hear your recommendation. thanks.

hi miss cheif
a few years ago (bc) i suffered from really severe depression-so much so i thought id never have kids -i now have 2 and love every second of my life
after trying loads of different anti d's(most of which went in the bin) the thing that brought me round from the brink was reiki healing -tried as a last resort-the lady i saw was well qualified and very good-if anyone had told me how much it would change my life i prob would have laughed at them but it did slowly and ive never looked back

IKWYM - I was cynical but couple of friends tried and swore by it, never done myself though. how does it work and how long did you do it for, also how did you find your healer?? sorry loads of quesitons but desperate to try anyhting TBH.

I hope you have a wonderful holiday charlize - you deserve it xxxx

Hi misschief, I've heard lots of good stuff about reiki too. If you look in the yellow pages you should find a good one. Look for a reiki master. I'm sure I have the phone no. of a reiki master and she'd be able to tell me of one in your area no doubt if you want me to contact her. She's lovely btw.
I do a different kind of healing which is faith healing though I'm only just starting. You could try this if you find a good Church who practise it. It wouldn't cost you anything either. Just a thought.