My nieces age 10 and 8 are really putting on weight....should I chat to their Mum about it?

[pepsi]

My family came over for the day yesterday and all the kids were in the paddling pool, all of the family noticed how the girls age 10 and 8 had really started to get a a bit plump, the eldest in particular. Their Mum has always struggled with her weight, and holds back from doing loads of things because she is worried people will stare at her. She has been overweight since childhood and has yo yo dieted all her life. Up until the girls were 9 and 7 they were slim little things but they do eat all the wrong stuff and are now at the age where TV and playstations are what they want to do, playing out in the garden doesnt happen so much any more. Their Mum can drive so its hard for her to take them to after school activities and my brother does lots of shifts so can always be around to do that either. I dont know whether to talk to my SIL about it or not as I know its a sensitive subject but I get the impression that the issue isnt on her radar at all. Sadly I can remember a few years ago looking at the kids lifestyle and thinking this would happen and now it has and Im feeling bad that I didnt try and help before. My eldest niece has very low confidence anyway and doesnt wear girls clothes or colours, she prefers to get her stuff from the boys section although I think deep down she wants to change but is embarrassed too. I worry about all the issues that could follow once she starts secondary school in September and wonder how she could be helped to loose weight without making an issue of it. Should I chat to my SIL or should I leave them to it. MY SIL has other issues herself, she has low confidence and doesnt go out much and is currently on anti-depressants, its all a bit complicated really and to much to go into on this thread.

i would - if you dare

not when they are around though! Offer advice

Oh dear. No suggestions really. Although I would be wary of saying something. But that's me... always terrified of offending people.

If it's any help, DS's best friend was always the 'fat boy' of the school. He hit 14 and is now so skinny and tall his trousers fall down without a belt!

Very difficult. But you sound as if you have quite a lot of insight into the situation. Can you suggest to your brother and SIL that they talk to their GP?

Could you offer to take the girls swimming on a regular basis?

I wish I could offer to help more, we live on opposites sides of the town and I have two children myself. My eldest ds7 has just been diagnosed with mild Aspergers and to be honest Im find coping and fitting everything in hard myself. My brother and the girls have bikes and he does take them out on those. He wants my SIL to get a bike so they can bike as a family. They have been to look at bikes on several occasions but she is embarrassed to ride one. We have just bought a trampoline and everyone had a go at the weekend....even my 69 year old Mum! but she wouldnt get on and made it clear before she came she wouldnt. I suggested to them that they got the girls one because they loved it and it seems that all ages love to bounce but they dont want one in their garden. I think for girls especially its harder to get exercise, boys run around with a football at any age. My eldest niece in by nature lazy so it will be an uphill struggle.

Can you talk to your brother instead of sil?

Mrbatters I think you are totally right. I will try and speak to my brother to, but as he works so much and isnt around a lot. My SIL has had depression for many many years and Im sure it has an impact on their life, especially when its meal times. The girls always eat on their own and then she and my brother have their supper late in the evening, about 10.00. The girls tend to get something more processed and quick. We all come in different shapes and sizes and when you are an adult I think we can make our own decisions. I think being an overweight child can affect how you are for the rest of your life, it has with my SIL. I have a chat with them and see how it goes.

I think it's may be too sensitive a subject to mention to anyone, except perhaps the father.
May be they could do more school sport. Also though there is a stage where before puberty girls do round out a bit (depends what a bit is though) and then they get taller and kind of grow up and out of it although that doesn't sound like the explanation here.

Rather than talk to your SIL, who might be so touchy about it that even the most tactful approach might upset her, why not talk to the girls themselves about healthy eating and activity, so that they might start to ask their mum for more healthy food at home. You could even take them shopping for some pretty girly clothes, tell them how gorgeous they are and boost their confidence (you can tell your SIL you'd like to do some girly stuff as you have boys).

I do think it's difficult with children because their body shapes can change so quickly as they grow, it might just be a temporary plump phase. But there is nothing wrong with them knowing about healthy eating and good habits.

I did in the end have a chat with my SIL about it all and all is ok. She had noticed she had put on a bit of weight. We spoke again today and this time she said that the eldest one (10) had sat down and asked her if she could eat healthier and that she was worried about her tummy, especially when she starts secondary school. SIL was a lot more open on the subject today and said that she weighs just under 8stone, I dont know how tall she is but I would say she is of average height for her age. My SIL says she hasnt prompted this conversation. They are going to "eat healthly" together now, although Im not sure how much extra activity they will do. What is a good weight then? Ive been looking for a good reputable website on ideal weights and stuff but havent found one I like yet. Anyone know of a good one.