Need a hand hold with my health anxiety and yes I know I should see the doctor

[chaoticgood]

I am 40 years old and have smoked on and off since I was 16 - I would smoke for a few months, give up for a few weeks, smoke again - it's been the bane of my life tbh! Also it's been unfiltered rollies because some nutter told me filters didn't help and that stuck in my mind and I never got into the habit of using them until recently.

I am almost there with giving up for real but I had a relapse a few weeks ago where I smoked for a few days.

I have been getting more and more anxious about my lungs. It is usually cancer that people get anxious about but for some reason with me it is emphysema. I think it is because my aunt died of it quite young. The thing that terrifies me most though about getting it is that I told my parents I had given up about 15 years ago and I have kept up the pretence! If I turn out to have a disease that is so bound up with smoking, they will be so upset and I just can't face the possibility. I am more worried about that than about my own health.

I don't have a cough but I do find that my breathing is not quite right sometimes. I googled emphysema ( of course) and found out that it affects the exhale and now I am constantly monitoring my exhalations and thinking I am not breathing enough air out. No idea if this is really true. I sometimes feel like I am not breathing properly in general but I can't tell if this is physical or due to the anxiety because they come on at the same time and I don't know which is first. Sometimes I feel like my chest is very slightly inflamed inside but that is normally after a relapse with the fags or being in a smoky environment (inc woodsmoke).

I can walk quite far at a moderate speed, even up steep hills, but I have never been that aerobically fit so it is hard to say if I am any worse than I used to be - I live in the attic and have to breathe faster going up and down 2 flights but wouldn't most people?

I have had some kind of chronic upper respiratory thing for decades, where my sinuses are never quite clear but I don't know if this could be related. Have never gone to the doc about this because it never seemed life threatening.

Anyway, I think the answer is to go to the doctor but while part of me is scared they will find the dreaded E... the other part of me thinks I am wasting their time as I do not have symptoms to the kind of level that would normally lead someone to see a doctor. I live in a poor area and the surgery is overworked and I feel like Ms First World Problems going in if I am not at death's door.

I also think that since I have not managed to fully give up smoking yet, I have not given my lungs and sinuses time to recover as much as they can on their own and the tests might come back with worse results whereas if I wait, say, a year after giving up completely, they might be less worrying.

But I don't think I can go on with this anxiety for a year.

I guess if don't have lung problems I have anxiety problems and one way or the other I need help!

Sorry for the long post. I just need a bit of support as I am so terrified. I've told one friend in real life but she is very busy. I haven't told anyone else because it is such a weird thing to talk about.

Yes, you do need to see the GP or the practice nurse. They can also give you support with stopping smoking if you need any extra help.

I'm not 100% sure what you're looking for as it seems like you already know what you need to do. So I'll just say well done for quitting. That's a huge step and will do wonders for your health and give you a gentle nudge to go and see someone about your concerns. It sounds like you're relatively fit so hopefully it's just a case of quitting for good and allowing your lungs to recover.

Also the chronic sinus issues don't sound like much fun and there might be a treatment available for that.

I meant to add, I have breathing problems for entirely different reasons and it's definitely tied up with anxiety. It's practically impossible to breathe normally when you're thinking about it, I find. Then you start to worry because you're breathing weirdly and it just escalates.

I recently discovered Buteyko breathing, from a post on here I think. It's absolutely not an alternative to proper medical care. But I have found that now I can get my asthma under control much more quickly, and sometimes I don't even need to use my inhaler. There are various breathing techniques you can learn. It sounds a bit silly learning to breathe but we can easily get into bad habits and having a technique to focus on can help to cope with the anxiety too.

Thank you very much, whatwould!

I agree that it is not clear what I wanted. I guess I just wanted to write my worry down and see how people responded, to bring it into reality as it were, since it has blown up so much in my mind. In fact, looking over my own post has been quite helpful because it reads like a post from an over-anxious person rather than a person with emphysema! And to get the response from you, that was neither belittling my concern nor scare-mongering, was just what I needed.

I will go to the doc. I'm away from home for a but will make an appointment in advance for when I return.

I hadn't heard of Buteyko but I'm looking into it right now - thanks very much for that advice! I've done the Control Pause test just now on the train - I must have looked like a weirdo holding my nose - but I can do 15 seconds which is vaguely reassuring. Thanks again x

Whatwould is bang on about the breathing.

You won't be wasting the doctor's time at your appointment, you're young enough to turn things around and this is exactly what the NHS want people to start doing.

The doctor can prescribe nasal rinses and steroid spray for your sinuses and you might benefit from taking a daily antihistamine.

Oh God I've just done that Buteyko test and wanted to breathe as soon as I pinched my nose!

Me too Lynda! I can manage about five seconds

chaoticgood :) you sound really sensible. Sometimes it helps to say these things "out loud". It does read very much like it's the anxiety talking. I think it would be quite unusual to get emphysema at such a young age. But you've identified a problem area and are doing things to address that, and that's admirable. Lots of people would just ignore it and hope it went away, which of course health problems rarely do.

Good luck with the GP and with stopping the smoking please do keep it up. It will make such a difference to your health.