Ten years ago I was in a minor auto accident, and in the months that followed I developed significant pain in my mid and upper back. I was told the pain was likely radiating from my neck. An MRI of my neck showed two herniated discs. I had an operation to fuse the vertebrae but it had no effect on my pain, and I am still in pain today. An MRI of my mid back showed several herniations and bulges in my thoracic spine. The doctors are attributing my pain to the thoracic herniations, but surgery on this area of the spine is incredibly complicated and risky. So I just need to manage the pain. I have done tonnes and tonnes of physio, had more spinal injections than I can count, as well as acupuncture, osteopathy, Pilates, massage, mindfulness/meditation, TENS, I wore a brace for for six months, I trialled a spinal cord stimulator, I’ve even tried medical marijuana. I’ve been tested for vitamin deficiencies and exposure to mold and toxic heavy metals. Everyone has a story of how XYZ stopped their back pain and I have tried all of it.
The only thing that helps at all is painkillers. I have been on a regimen of various opioid meds constantly since my neck surgery eight years ago. For the most part I live a normal life but my day is focused around the pills. I am on one long acting med and one short acting, plus pregabalin. I dole out the pills for things that are important, like spending time with my kids or going out. When the pills kick in the pain is dulled to a manageable level and I feel capable of doing things. I don’t feel tired or high, I just feel like my normal self. But when the pain comes back I just want to lie down by myself. Unfortunately the pills only work for a very short time, even the supposedly long acting one. I am up and down many times every day. I’ve been on the same dose for three years now so I’m sure my body has become tolerant and I probably need more. The docs are generally happy to give them to me as there is clear MRI evidence of my pain and I take the meds as directed.
I read some things recently that said opioid painkillers should never be used on a long term basis. Allegedly someone in my position is experiencing withdrawals throughout the day and the pain is worse because of being on it so long, and if I got off the meds my pain would eventually ease.
I am a stay home mom but the plan is for me to go back to work at some point, and I’m not sure I could do it (desk job). Luckily money is not a pressing issue, but my DH has a demanding job with frequent travel and we have absolutely no family support. I have three children aged 10, 6 and 5, so not babies but they still need me a lot. The middle one has mild SEN.
I don’t know what to think at this point. I’m certainly physically dependent on the meds and I would have major withdrawals if I stopped cold turkey. Even tapering would feel extremely difficult. But I take them as directed and they do help. I have no reason to think the original pain would be less than before if not for the meds but I don’t know. Finding out would take 3-4 months of me being completely out of commission and possibly away from home, which is just not possible until the kids are much older.
I also don’t think we really even know for sure what’s causing the pain. Thoracic herniations are very rarely symptomatic. If you did MRIs on 100 people my age, 25 of them would probably look similar to mine. Disc herniations typically present as one sided shooting or stabbing pain, or numbness. I have none of that. My pain is on both sides and feels like a deep muscle ache. It doesn’t get worse with any type of movement, and it doesn’t get better (even temporarily) with any of the treatments I’ve tried other than the pills. It also hasn’t really changed much in 10 years. I’ve considered that it may be psychosomatic in some way and I consulted a pain psychiatrist. But he and all the other docs seem to think it’s “real.” My mental health has been basically stable my whole life and I haven’t experienced any major trauma. I have a really good life, or at least I would if it weren’t for the pain.
If anyone has gotten this far I thank you. It’s been a bit of a saga. I don’t expect that anyone on here will be able to help me but there are many wise people on MN and maybe someone has some insight.