NEED SOME ADVICE PLEASE

[tiredandconfused]

..

Advice with...........

Sleep?

Don't know where to start really or if this is in the right section.

I just don't feel myself and have'nt done for awhile.

I hate myself most days and am just living day to day best I can.

I sometimes feel like I am going mad.

Brief outline of my behaviour and would like some honest opinions as to whether this is "normal"
i have not told anyone else these things I am about to write down.

I have a phobia about feeling ill in public.So my whole life is planned around that as much as i don't eat all day until the evening when i don't have to go out again,i limit myself tocertain foods and if we have something panned for the weekend I will not eatything until we get home again.
Ihave had bouts of agrophobia as well.

AS you can imagine not eating till later in the day gives me headaches anddmakes me tired.

If someone rings up unexpectidly to ask us out i fret from then on and come up with an excuse to not go.Hence missing my nieces wedding this year.

My DH is fairly supportive but he gets frustrated with me sometimes .

I can't sleep,hence why I am on here now.
I have gone off sex and on occasions where we do have sex feel really tearful afterwards as if it was wrong.

I try and do my best for my children one of whom has SN and feel like I have let him down.
It is tearing me apart watching him struggle at school everyday and have to keep it together for everyone.

I just feel like a bad mother,and feel so tired all the time and snappy ad try my best to keep smiling for the children.

I would love to have a carefree item like some of the mothers I see who just seem so together and can just leave the house at the drop of hat and not worry what they have eaten beforehand.

This is taking over my life and I can't tell anyne as what will they think of me and I need to staystrong for my children.

Am really sorry but i am not really the best person to talk to about this, but wanted to post so you dont feel ignored. Dont think many people are here right now but hopefully someone who has some experience will be along soon. Take care.x

Thanks

I really do think it would be a good idea to go and speak to your GP about this. It sounds to me as if this is an attempt to gain control of your life which in some areas you feel helpless about, especially if your child is SN and you say they are struggling.

Not eating or only eating on your terms is a coping mechanism, but it's not a healthy way to be going on when you have children to look after, especially one who will need your strength and patience even more than a non SN child.

I think it's important you seek help about this before it moves into other compulsive behaviour in an attempt to gain some control over your life. Go to your GP, they will probably refer you to a councellor who will not judge you, will let you talk about your fears and help you find ways of getting past this.

Hope this helps. x

bananabump-thanks for your reply.

You may be right,it probably is the only thing I can control although it is controlling me to some extent.

I just feel anxious and sick all the time and dare'nt eat in case I lose control and feel ill in front of others so is easier not to eat until I am safe indoors again.

I worry that my GP will think I am not coping as have had issues with PND in the past and had HV's etc involved who made me feel worse and made me feel it was my fault concerning my son's SN.

Sweetheart, your GP isn't going to judge you, and you need to stop this cycle somehow. I know you said you'd had some negative experiences with health visitors, but that's a different issue to the one you're experiencing now (and not many people on MN have much good to say about hv's anyway!)

Of course it's not your fault your child has SN, there is nothing you could have done to prevent it, and you must stop feeling guilty. I'm sure you're doing a great job! Try not to second guess what your GP will say or do, they're there to help, and what you're going through right now sounds beyond PND, so you won't see the exact same people or get treated in the exact same way.

Getting treated for this is as important to your children as it is to take them for immunisations, and keeping them warm and fed. They need you to get help, because they need you to be strong for them. They're too important aren't they, for this to go on?

Why not make an appointment, honey. I promise you it won't be as bad as you think and we'll be here to give you support and advice if they even think of making you feel bad!

Bump! Does anyone have any other advice for this lady?

tired, my thoughts on those mothers who look lke they are domestic goddesses on the outside, they are either, putting on a bloody good show or not as good a mummy as i am. I think in order to ge a good mummy you have to be constantly knackered, harrased and hardly have time to brush your hair. OK well its not as bad as all that but you need to give yourself a break because you sound like a fantastic mum to me. As for HV, don't get me started! Mine nearly drove me to depression when i had DD, i had lots to deal with just after DD was born and i was just about keeping my head above water (wont go into details as this isnt about me). I did NOT however have PND as there were concrete reasons for the way i felt. OF course the raging hormones don't help do they. Neither do patronising HVs who are over sympathetic sitting in your house making you fill in prescriptive questionaire and then telling you the results of your multiple choice questions suggest clinical depression FFS! She was a lovely lady but i tend to try and speak to the more up beat HVs about DD when i need to, which i dont anymore really. Honestly, some people can just drag you down. Sorry, rant over, just letting you know that i know where you are coming from re health professionals. However YOU DO need help with this, it is easy to let these things take over your life and asking your GP for help is a good first step, just remember that you are in control here and they are there to give you the help you are requesting. It is not a sign of weakness to ask for help. You clearly recognise you have a problem which is a wonderful first step to overcoming it, get out there and get the help you deserve, are you and your family getting enough support for your DS?

I wish you well, you sound like a great mum and your family are lucky to have you.