Husband won't go doctors

[Bunnybutton]

In the 10 years I've been with my husband he has been to the doctors once! .
We've reached the stage in our marriage where he feels comfortable enough to mention very private problems he has been having ( only because Im so open and I tell him everything 'gross' that happens with me) .
He told me last year his bum bleeds and hurts when he goes to the toilet , I bought him some cream that might help him as I thought it might be piles/hemeroides and I urged him to go to the doctors ...,.the cream helped but after a while it wasn't doing the job and he didn't go to the doctors , I ask him every so often how his is and he says it's better but still hurts .
He came to me this year and told me it became so painful he had to look and he said there is a HOLE in between his bum and balls and it's sore and red , I asked him to show me and he refused I calmed him down and said it sounds like he has an infection ( he's very hairy down stairs ) , and he must visit the doctor .....he still hasn't seen a doctor "things keep coming up " and he still hasn't been , he also mentioned he's peeing more .

I don't know what to do as it's very worrying

Could be anything from a fistula to a pilonidal sinus to an abscess. If he’s peeing more he could be diabetic.
Time for him to grow up and go and see the GP. He’ll never get a diagnosis or treatment otherwise!

The longer he leaves it, the worse it'll get. He's probably scared and embarrassed, but he's gotta man up (alright - "person up") and get it seen to PDQ!

Some people men don't half bury their head in the sand don't they. What's it going to take! Must be an awful worry for you OP.
Does he suffer with constipation, how's his diet, roughage wise?

Tell him that doctors see bum holes all the time, it'll be nothing they haven't seen before.
Have you told him how upset and worried you are. If he won't do it for himself, do it for you!

Have you tried making an appointment and explaining the problem to the doctor. Maybe he (presumably better a male doctor) could then ring your husband and talk to him and help him overcome his embarrassment. You have my sympathy I know how difficult stubborn men can be especially with health problems.

Men are stubborn, my oh is the same, he sees that going to the docs once in 10 years is somehow manly and shows his strength. I would go for the emotional blackmail in this account, beg, plead and cry. Just make him go, this could be serious

Thanks everyone , I don't understand why men are so afraid , i think I'll try and make an appointment for him . His diet is ok , I do cook healthy meals most nights but he does eat a lot a junk 😒

It does sound like a sinus, and these are very painful. They can get worse, so sadly, he really really needs to go. It sounds like he has developed a phobia of doctors, so maybe his first appointment could be to discuss exactly that, and maybe he can be prescribed something to help with anxiety to face the second appointment.

That's what I did with the dentist. I hadn't gone for years and got bad teeth that I knew needed desperate treatment. I made an appointment, but wouldn't let him look at my mouth. We just talked about my anxieties, and he reassured me that it was common, that he was used to it and that nothing he would see in my mouth would shock him (indeed it wasn't close to being as bad as what he saw regularly). It really helped and even though I was still sick with nerves the second time, I was able to get through it, until I realised that I really had no reason to fear it.

It does sound rather like he has a fistula or sinus. The urinary frequency may be related to it (either if there's an abscess that's irritating the bladder or possibly a fistula going into the bladder). Either way, the problem isn't going to settle down by itself.

If he's truly phobic about visiting the doctors then swingofthings suggestion is a good one - hopefully he'd realise it isn't that bad visiting. Unfortunately there isn't much his GP can do though without his consent (including talking to you in more than vague detail).

If he's just embarrassed because it's a 'bum thing' , doctors really do see bums everyday...once you've seen one you've seen them all and there's really nothing to be embarrassed about.

If he's being stubborn or in denial about how serious it could become if it gets a really nasty infection - perineal (bum-balls) infections can end up needing an awful lot of soft tissue removal in surgery (that's clearly not what he needs now so don't panic, but in a worst case scenario if an infection gets out of control down there things can get very serious very quickly...prevention is definitely better than the cure!).

Unfortunately though people with capacity are allowed to make decisions that most of us think are silly and if he genuinely doesn't want investigation or treatment no one can make him have it. Good luck!